How do you respond when civilians question you about your military service and don't like your answer

2015-05-27T13:02:00-04:00

In May and June each year, people who don't usually talk about the military seem more interested. Personally I enlisted at the end of the Vietnam War hoping to be sent over; but, additional Combat Engineers weren't needed at that point. Throughout my career I submitted periodic requests for assignments - 1st one to Germany an a young Infantry officer during the cold war was the only request that was agreed to by the Army. Later on I realized I was going to be serving primarily to meet Army requirements - if my desires matched great if not I learned to live with it and do the best i could in every assignment to meet the requirements of those over me and train and protect those serving alongside and serving under me.
SFC Mark Merino, Capt Private RallyPoint Member, MSG Private RallyPoint Member, SFC Jason Bautista,CPT Bruce Beattie, CPT Private RallyPoint Member, SFC Ron Chelsy, MSG Tom Earley, Capt Christian D. Orr, SSG VNicia Young, [~459598-cpl-jay-freeman], SFC Private RallyPoint Member, PFC Chris Hemingway, MSG Wade Huffman, SGT Felicia King, SPC Nate Lamphier, LTC Bink Romanick, SSG Paul Setterholm, CW5 Charlie Poulton

Response by LTC Stephen F. made May 27 at 2015 1:04 PM

2015-05-27T13:04:07-04:00

It is tough many times; but, I try to treat each person who questions the value of my service to this nation with respect. It was harder when I was young during the Vietnam War and afterwards when so many seemed to hate anybody who was in uniform.

Response by MSG Brad Sand made May 27 at 2015 1:13 PM

2015-05-27T13:13:19-04:00

It depends on the person, but I cannot recall having anyone having issues with my answers on questions about the military...throat punches on Thursdays, not so much.

Response by TSgt David Holman made May 27 at 2015 1:14 PM

2015-05-27T13:14:52-04:00

I do my best to treat everyone with respect, but if you are questioning my service for some reason, then we might be at an impasse. I know there are those who say "your Airforce... you never saw combat", I tell them, "No, someone had to be there to save lives and ease suffering after the fire fights..." If they don't like that answer, I'm done, and walk away.

Response by SSG James Yellis made May 27 at 2015 1:20 PM

2015-05-27T13:20:15-04:00

I explain it as easy as I can and if they don't like my answer, then it their tough luck.

Response by SGT Terry Ryan made May 27 at 2015 1:24 PM

2015-05-27T13:24:44-04:00

Never had my service called in to question. Not quite sure how I would react. Would problem just laugh at them.

Response by Sgt Jay Jones made May 27 at 2015 1:27 PM

2015-05-27T13:27:56-04:00

Civilians who question your service are nothing but "wannabe's". They like to live vicariously off of your military experience. Unless you were John Wayne they feel cheated because they don't get the thrill of a horror story.

Response by SGT Steve Oakes made May 27 at 2015 1:31 PM

2015-05-27T13:31:11-04:00

My first thought is to tell them KMA. But I make a point to wear something identifying myself as a Veteran most of the time. I do this to bring awareness to the fact that there are still many service members in harms way. So I bite my tongue deploy my best Military Tact and try to educate them or just explain that. Although I was not deployed to combat. The duties I performed supported the war. From there I will go into greater detail if they want and I think it will help. To do otherwise would cause them to have a even more negative opinion of the military.
I have always felt that if you put yourself out there as a veteran, or if someone identifies you as one. Then you owe it to those still serving and your fellow veterans. To conduct yourself so as to bring honor and dignity to them, their service, and the sacrifices of those that have fallen.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made May 27 at 2015 1:31 PM

2015-05-27T13:31:56-04:00

I play it by ear. I can understand it, I suppose. Whenever someone unknowingly engages a soldier in conversation, maybe the naive or un-knowledgeable are hoping they're speaking to Master Chief from 'Halo' or something. As a child, who didn't understand the world or the amazing non-combat roles the military requires of service members, I imagine I was disappointed my grandfather, a naval aviator, was not a fighter pilot. I was young, what can I say.

But typically, it pisses me off and I have to immediately disengage before I do something I regret. Probably an insecurity, because when I converse with SMs and Veterans, I feel pretty disappointed in my service, too.

Response by SrA Edward Vong made May 27 at 2015 1:32 PM

2015-05-27T13:32:17-04:00

I usually don't really talk about my military service that often, it was more about my job.

The only time something really bad happened was at a pool party with a group of friends, it turned into an ugly fistfight because a bunch of goof offs told us that the Air Force is a bunch of p*ssies and they have cousins in the Marine Corp. It was a bad day for everyone.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made May 27 at 2015 1:53 PM

2015-05-27T13:53:45-04:00

Honestly, if I chose to answer, I really don't Give a Rats what they think about my service. I don't talk to people I don't know about it anyways. AND if I do talk about it, it is usually only with Veterans. (Veterans and SM's usually tend to be more understanding.)

Response by SFC William Farrell made May 27 at 2015 2:03 PM

2015-05-27T14:03:13-04:00

Most have no idea how the military operates and many, many more may not even know a solider (and I use soldier to cover all military personnel) so I try and treat them with respect and if i care to elaborate on an answer, I will.

And with regards to assignments, I never received anything i asked for. I know it might be different with officers but with enlisted, it never happened. The Vietnam War was still going on when I enlisted but I was 17 and went to Korea while my whole AIT class went to Germany! My twin brother was AWOL so many times, they told him if he misses another formation they were going to ship his butt to Nam and thats exactly what they did. We are pretty close and if he was going over, so was I. They would not even consider a transfer in Korea but I read up some of the regs and realized I could reenlist for country of choice.

Well with just over a year in service, I reenlisted to go to Nam. Reenlistment NCO would not sign the papers for weeks as he said he didn't want to be responsible for my death. Well I kept at him and he finally did. Just after my 18th birthday I was on my way to Nam!

I was gung ho then and wanted to fly door gunner on Hueys and requested transfers out of my signal unit to an aviation unit. Little did i know, no one ever processed my paperwork but when I got assigned to the 16th Combat Aviation Group I thought my request was approved. While I was assigned to an aviation unit and did fly gunner several times, it wasn't my responsibility. As the 23rd Infantry was standing down, I did the same thing all over again, requested transfer to an aviation unit.

When I got assigned to 101st Airborne Aviation Battalion, i thought the same thing again, my transfer was approved. No such luck. While i have thought about for many years, i think some people were really trying to keep me from getting killed. I loved flying and wanted to do it full time. I did it as often as i could outside my primary area of responsibility.

Response by SSG Donald Mceuen made May 27 at 2015 2:23 PM

2015-05-27T14:23:50-04:00

I have a very blunt side to my time spent. They can FO

Response by SSG (ret) William Martin made May 27 at 2015 2:25 PM

2015-05-27T14:25:36-04:00

Years ago a civilian asked me why didn't I join the Marines and that his "daddy" had been in the Marines.

I asked him, "Why didn't you serve".

Response by SPC Charles Brown made May 27 at 2015 2:46 PM

2015-05-27T14:46:11-04:00

My response falls under the other category which isn't listed due to only five responses.

Question: Have you ever served your country?
if answer is yes; then you should know how the game works
If answer is no; walk away they aren't worth the time
if they follow after I walk away throat punch Thursday comes early and I walk away.

Response by SrA Daniel Hunter made May 27 at 2015 3:33 PM

2015-05-27T15:33:18-04:00

Usually. They ask a question and don't like the answer that is their problem.

Response by 1SG Michael Blount made May 27 at 2015 3:45 PM

2015-05-27T15:45:46-04:00

It's the fat blowhards and bullshitters I have the most problem with. With practice, though, I've gotten pretty good at disengaging and walking away from the convo. I've learned you can't fix stupid OR teach a pig to sing. Both are a waste of time

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made May 27 at 2015 4:35 PM

2015-05-27T16:35:43-04:00

Luck or chance determines if you will go to war. The divine providence of God determines if he will take you away from the battlefield. If you meet ignorant heathens you have no explaining to do. You served this country with loyalty and fidelity. You partook in something that was greater than yourself!

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made May 27 at 2015 5:00 PM

2015-05-27T17:00:18-04:00

I would of course do my best to remain respectful, but also try to shed some light on the process and help them to achieve some higher level of understanding

Response by COL Ken LaPlante made May 27 at 2015 5:13 PM

2015-05-27T17:13:31-04:00

When folks have questioned me about my choice to protect and serve and do not like my answer I usually just point out that I freely chose my profession and that I am responsible for my action and accept the consequences, good or bad, just like they should for their choices. I also tell them I respect their question as they should respect my answer - and neither has to actually like the other's position - just respect it. Doesn't both me, many are into that 10% left or 10% right zealots' groups and are not seeking a respectful, learning opportunity... then I move on with my time. For the other 80% we both learn something.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made May 27 at 2015 6:22 PM

2015-05-27T18:22:53-04:00

To start with I am a candid person, no sugar coating, not giving a crap about hurt feelings, so you can imagine how this goes with civilians. If they are curious enough to ask than I will tell them how it is and not what they want to hear. Usually this ends the conversation and I get to walk away happy.

Response by Capt Mark Strobl made May 27 at 2015 6:39 PM

2015-05-27T18:39:47-04:00

If they're a fellow vet, the question is usually couched with reverence. The pleasantries like: Where'd you go? Who did you know? Did you get the t-shirt?

If they're questioning me with a negative tone, I tell them as much as they want to hear. No more. If they want to talk politics vis-à-vis the military, I let 'em make their point and move on. No use stirring the pot with a wannabe (nodding to Sgt Jay Jones).

Response by SPC Johnny Velazquez, PhD made May 27 at 2015 6:41 PM

2015-05-27T18:41:35-04:00

I always tell them, that I was assigned to a Missile unit as a Missile Tracking Radar Operator. If they inquire further, I try to explain as best as I can. Not too many tend to ask.

Response by SrA Matthew Knight made May 27 at 2015 7:24 PM

2015-05-27T19:24:46-04:00

I have never really been asked though my response if someone did ask me about it would be, "I'm in the Air Force. I forecast the weather." After that nothing they can say will really get any more info because that is literally my job. I forecast. Our pilots and the Army's need to know what the weather is going to be so they don't fly into a storm (or do if they are the Hurricane Hunters.......or crazy). Otherwise I have done nothing particularly exciting. If they look down on me for it then that's just like, their opinion man. Nothing I can do about it, well truthfully anyway.

Response by SPC Mark Beard made May 27 at 2015 8:57 PM

2015-05-27T20:57:15-04:00

I carry a copy of my 214 if thats not good enough for them I walk away

Response by SPC Christian Ziegler made May 27 at 2015 10:34 PM

2015-05-27T22:34:18-04:00

Most civilians don't talk to me, I was tolled I give off a "F*ck OFF Vibe". But if someone does talk to me I explain it and if they don't like what they hear, I then ask them to plz tell me how it works with all there years of experience working with the military. I then tell them to do me a favor and go play on the highway or jump off a cliff. Scouts Out

Response by SFC Anthony Scionti made May 27 at 2015 11:06 PM

2015-05-27T23:06:13-04:00

If they have a geniune interest in my response I will make an exception and try to explain things to them. If they don't then they are not worth my time to do so and I end the conversation. Unless they served or grew up on a base they'll never really understand.

Response by MSG John Wirts made May 27 at 2015 11:52 PM

2015-05-27T23:52:45-04:00

I always swore my first assignment got some personnel specialist in trouble. I first asked to be assigned to Sacramento Army Depot in my home town. I knew I didn't have a snowball's chance in Hell for that assignment. My second choice was Germany, I was of German ancestry, I took German in high school, and because I was of German extraction and spoke the language, common rumor was that it was SOP to deny the assignment on that premise alone.

Response by LCpl Mark Lefler made May 28 at 2015 11:46 AM

2015-05-28T11:46:41-04:00

I just don't care.

Response by PO1 John Miller made May 28 at 2015 11:53 AM

2015-05-28T11:53:29-04:00

At one point very early in my career, I was assigned to work at the base recycling center. Some civilians upon hearing this said "You joined the Navy to work at a recycling plant? You didn't have to do that!" To which I would explain "The Navy assigns me where I am most needed, and I bet I make more money than any civilian counterparts do." That normally shut them up.

Other people upon hearing what I did acted like I had the coolest job in the world, to which I would reply "Go speak to your nearest Navy recruiter and see if it's something you're interested in."

Response by LTC Stephen F. made May 28 at 2015 2:28 PM

2015-05-28T14:28:11-04:00

Apparently RallyPoint has changed the posting rules since I composed my question. Now we can tag no more than 20 RallyPoint members in a comment or response. I had to modify my question to cut it down to 20. I hope that RallyPoint does remove points already awarded to the people who I tagged.
CW5 Private RallyPoint Member; SFC Mark Merino; LTC Yinon Weiss

Response by SGT Edward Perez made May 28 at 2015 9:08 PM

2015-05-28T21:08:48-04:00

Sir civilians are certainly on an entirely different plain. I have gone to schools in my early time in the Army 82nd airborne. I was sent home to do Hometown recruiting for the most part these kids were no younger than I. So to talk to them on a level of crucial maturity, meaning i had just returned from combat and i was probably more eager to defend the Colors than to talk. One young man challenged me saying all the things a at home go to school pampered little boy would say in opposing the Operation. But what got me the most is when he said i was wrong like the guys that went to Vietnam. Saying i had no business there killing people. All though what i done was probably wrong. I with force snatched by beret off took off my class A jacket off and all hell was about to break loose. Now Someone question me, well I don't have much to say to anyone that wants to down play what the American Servicemen and Women do or have done. They weren't there, any where peace time or not. They have no right to to remotely judge us. Peace.

Response by SSG Leonard J W. made May 29 at 2015 8:07 PM

2015-05-29T20:07:29-04:00

LTC Stephen F., I'm bordering on a very similar response to TSgt Hunter Logan's response. I do my best to treat everyone with respect, irregardless of their military status (or lack thereof). Civilians largely just don't understand us - where we've been or what we have been required to perform/endure. As the old saying goes, "It takes one to know one." This fits our veteran status perfectly. I treat civilian ignorance as a genuine opportunity to assist them in understanding one of our own.

Response by Maj Chris Nelson made May 29 at 2015 10:36 PM

2015-05-29T22:36:17-04:00

I have never run into this myself. BUT, should I ever run into this, I will beat their head in with a ballpeen hammer, starting at their ass! No, not really. I don't care WHAT they think of my assignments. I have received orders, Army, Army Guard, Air Guard, and Air Force. I have met all requirements of said orders to the best of my ability, done my duty, and pressed on as needed. I really don't care WHAT they think about where I have been and/or what I have done...that is for ME to evaluate after the fact. I will treat them with respect, allow them to voice their opinion, maybe/maybe not respond to this, but always in a respectful manner, and just understand they don't know the system and how it works. Press on peacefully if possible.

Response by SSgt Charles Edwards made May 30 at 2015 12:13 AM

2015-05-30T00:13:41-04:00

Generally, my response would be along the lines of "kiss my ass", emphasized with a strong southern accent. Since I've practically lost said accent, it usually comes put when I'm highly upset.

The military was a big part of my life. It consumed over 10 of 16 adult years on this planet and I loved every minute of it (even the days I wasn't feeling well).

For the most part, anyone I've encountered have had nothing but positive things to say regarding my service. Some of it has led to questions about serving and even advice before leaving for their own tour of duty.

Response by PO2 Matthew Mattox made Jun 4 at 2015 7:37 PM

2015-06-04T19:37:57-04:00

Interesting question. You're right! This time of year brings out the questions. Honestly, I try not to talk about being a vet and when the subject comes up, I downplay my service.

My dad is a retired CMSgt with 29 years of service. He started his career in Vietnam as a door gunner on Hueys. He was shot down twice and went through a lot of bad $h1t. He has multiple Purple Hearts, scars - both physical and mental - and still carries shrapnel in his body.

I never went to war. I never shot anyone or was shot or even shot at. Didn't lose a limb or limbs or eyesight. Never suffered from PTSD. But, I did get money for college! You see my point?

There are a lot of people like my father who deserve to be recognized for their service. I'm not one of them. When I attend events, say a hokey game, where they want all vets to stand up so the crowd can applaud for them, I do not stand. I don't feel it's appropriate. Inevitably there are times when my service comes up and the response above is what I say when people are like, "Oh! Thank you for your service!"

I'm not ragging on anyone who is like me, but does accept praise or benefits for being a vet. I just cannot do it with a clear conscience.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jun 16 at 2015 1:39 PM

2015-06-16T13:39:16-04:00

Tell them if they were in the Army they would know how it feels.

Response by SSG (ret) William Martin made Jun 20 at 2015 8:42 PM

2015-06-20T20:42:24-04:00

I am waiting on a civilian to demand my CoC's contact information, and I will give them the number to the Provost Marshal Office on Fort Bliss, TX.