How do you discipline your children? Time out, grounding, spanking/whoopins?

SSG Robert Burns — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 12:11:58 -0500

There is not doubt that times have changed from when we were growing up. Most of us have MANY stories that we laugh about now of crazy whoopins we got growing up. However, those same practices today that seemed to do us so good, can now land you in jail and negatively impact your career.
When does discipline become child abuse? Is it suggestive? Does the Army define it differently than the State you live in? Where is the line and is the line different in everyone's opinion?
How do you educate your Soldier's on what the Army considers properly disciplining your children and not mistakenly or unknowingly committing child abuse?
Are you completely against physical discipline?

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 17 at 2014 12:19 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 12:19:51 -0500

I have tried a lot of different types of punishments with my child, and the one that seems to get the point across is taking privileges.

Response by CW5 Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 17 at 2014 12:36 PM

CW5 Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 12:36:46 -0500

Our daughter is 14 years old. The best way to meaningfully discipline her is to take stuff away - cell phone is a big one, not having friends over is also good. Grounding would be a close second, but I voted Taking Privileges, SSG Robert Burns.

Response by SSG Robert Burns made Nov 17 at 2014 1:08 PM

SSG Robert Burns — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 13:08:59 -0500

I wonder how many spouses are not on the same page with each other in this?

Response by SFC Melker Johansson made Nov 17 at 2014 1:33 PM

SFC Melker Johansson — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 13:33:52 -0500

I don't discipline my child, my wife does.

Response by PO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 17 at 2014 5:40 PM

PO3 Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 17:40:00 -0500

All of the above. Very little spanking but for a toddler sometimes the only way they will learn is to swat them on the butt. The older kids respond well to the other options.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 17 at 2014 6:16 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 18:16:09 -0500

I selected other, because I use all the other four at any given time. Sometimes, I use a combination of them.

My 7 year old daughter is obsessed with Girl Scouts. So when she gets mouthy (gets it from her mother) I take away Girl Scouts for that week. She straightens up fairly quick after that.

Response by Sgt Jennifer Mohler made Nov 17 at 2014 6:30 PM

Sgt Jennifer Mohler — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 18:30:01 -0500

All of the above. I don't "woop" him because he is three. But he more then old enough for time outs, he can be spanked for more agregous offenses. He isn't old enough to get grounded and doesn't yet have privileges to be taken. But those will come with age when he gets there.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 17 at 2014 6:37 PM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 18:37:56 -0500

My approach: Whenever I hear of a kid ANYWHERE doing something wrong, I hold a family stand down day and provide my daughter with the same PowerPoint presentations as the last time a kid somewhere did something wrong. I am pretty sure this is a solid approach to behavior modification.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 17 at 2014 6:49 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 18:49:38 -0500

I was not against swatting them on the butt...when they were younger. Now, though, taking away stuff is a little more effective. Usually, all it takes is a "Get up. Your room is filthy. Clean. It. Up. Now." Or, if they are arguing with each other, I'll call them out on it. Like, "Kylie, think about it. What you are saying doesn't make sense." My kids are pretty good. I went opposite of my dad's style of discipline...beat the hell out of 'em until they shut up.
Our style is more of, "Oh...you messed up, huh. Sorry. You're going to have to live with the consequences. You made your decision and now you get to think about where you screwed up."
In my experience with four kiddos, I've learned that they reach an age of reasoning fairly early. I've learned not to plead or hover over them. You have to let them fall, sometimes.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 17 at 2014 7:20 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 19:20:50 -0500

I think a combination of all above methods works best. As this is becoming more of a relevant topic for me and my wife as we are expecting our first child in May. We've talked about the methods we will use and we both still agree that corporal punishment still has a place in raising a child. However, each child is different and will react differently to each stimulus and it will be an ever changing dynamic.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 17 at 2014 9:22 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 21:22:00 -0500

Any and all as appropriate

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 17 at 2014 9:31 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 21:31:27 -0500

Well all you really have to do is knife hand your oldest child so much that they do it to their siblings lol. But seriously if its a serious issue, whoopins...but majority of the time is taking privileges and extra chores(when they get a lil bit older). My kids are young so i expect the mistakes, they dont do crazy things like most kids do so im happy. I have always given my oldest a lecture of how he is wrong so he understands.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 17 at 2014 9:50 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 21:50:17 -0500

Full disclosure, I have no children. What I do have is lots of friends and family members that do have children and have shared their experiences with me.

From what I've learned through second hand observation is that the answer to which method is best is dictated by the age of the child and the context of the situation. Spanking should always be more psychological than physical, and as such loses it's potency past a relatively young age. It should never be about inflicting pain and there should always be a cooling off/waiting period between the sentence and the act itself.

Do you have an introverted child? Grounding probably isn't the answer then as they'll be perfectly content reading a book or doing something similarly isolated within their room/house.

Do you have a child who's a social butterfly? Then cutting off their social life, and all means to it like grounding them while simultaneously taking away cellphone/wifi access is probably the way to go.

Different kids respond differently to different pressures, it's up to the parent to figure out which method will get through to their child the most effectively.

Response by SrA Marc Haynes made Nov 17 at 2014 10:01 PM

SrA Marc Haynes — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 22:01:34 -0500

Let me say one thing.
Shock collar with remote tracking capabilities!

Response by Sgt Packy Flickinger made Nov 17 at 2014 11:40 PM

Sgt Packy Flickinger — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 23:40:33 -0500

So far a stern no works. I did give her hand a light smack (very light) to let her know she wasn't supposed to put her hand in the trash.

Response by TSgt Aubrey Sheffield made Nov 17 at 2014 11:46 PM

TSgt Aubrey Sheffield — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 23:46:48 -0500

I got whippings and I am thankful for it. There's is no doubt I needed them and when my kids need them, they get them to.
I think it's unfortunate that some Soldiers' careers get affected by how they decide to raise their children. They are doing what they think is right and what they were taught was right.

Response by PO2 Corey Ferretti made Nov 18 at 2014 4:38 PM

PO2 Corey Ferretti — Tue, 18 Nov 2014 16:38:40 -0500

With my 3 year old we use a mixture of Spanking, time out and and taking away her shows.

Response by SPC Chelsea Fernandez made Nov 18 at 2014 8:39 PM

SPC Chelsea Fernandez — Tue, 18 Nov 2014 20:39:23 -0500

When I was growing up my mother used to spank us when we did something wrong. As I grow older I don't think spanking is the best method. I think taking away their favorite things that they treasure the most. When I was babysitting at one point and a they misbehave I usually put them in the corner with their hands straight up in the air for 10-15 minutes.

Response by SSG Paul Oliver made Nov 25 at 2014 10:47 AM

SSG Paul Oliver — Tue, 25 Nov 2014 10:47:32 -0500

Beat that butt!

Response by CW2 Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 22 at 2014 10:09 AM

CW2 Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 22 Dec 2014 10:09:40 -0500

I have a 6 year old daughter and a 5 year old daughter. Spankings will work the 5 year old when she gets out of line. the 6 year old will laugh when you spank her, even when you think you have done it too hard. She will also throw terrible fits and will hit me. fortunately she doesn't do this in school. Taking things away from gets the fits but she goes back to doing what ever she was doing she eventually asks for the things back and does get them back if she did well that day. We do have her in counseling but need her tested. She is smart but it more of a stubborness , when she doesn't want to do something she won't do it.

Response by LCpl Craig D. Pfautz made Apr 16 at 2015 9:29 PM

LCpl Craig D. Pfautz — Thu, 16 Apr 2015 21:29:40 -0400

I have 3 wonderful girls & I usually disipline them by time outs or taking something away...

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made May 1 at 2019 11:41 AM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 01 May 2019 11:41:13 -0400

One is 1, so he hasn't quite gotten to the discipline yet. Though he does get to "cry it out" in his crib when appropriate. The other is 3. He's often harder on himself than we are. But taking away TV/iPad, time out, "the look" (I'm a teacher, my mom was a professor, her dad a principal...we've got "the look") works on him. Occasional spankings, especially when he pushes his little brother/tries to race him to a toy or take it away. Still learning how to share, so kicking/blocking with his foot is a no-no that gets a spank.

On a side note, my wife had her cell phone next to her leg one night. I couldn't see it, but I saw her head down. So I took her phone and gave her lunch detention.....just kidding, but I did almost say, "Phone's up. Next time's detention." Too much time teaching 8th graders...