How do you deal with the Military being your past life?

SGT Micheal Adams — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 03:10:57 -0500

I'm 47 will be 48 very soon and I don't feel like I am past my Military life. I miss it like I missed High School Football after getting out of School. I sit on the sidelines and shake my head. I am a proud Veteran but I was a Proud member too. Am I the only one that feels this way or am I with like minded people here?

Response by MAJ Jim Steven made Mar 4 at 2015 10:23 AM

MAJ Jim Steven — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 10:23:25 -0500

this is where I think transition training is imperative....its not so much about TAP/ACAP helping me find a job (although appreciated), but also about how do I integrate into civilian society without choking the living $h!t out of someone bitching about their steak being undercooked....

forgive me, I just watched a stolen valor video, from RP...the one about the EOD 1LT...

But seriously, the military sort of becomes your identity...as I will be getting out soon, sort of having an identity crisis..

Response by SFC William Swartz Jr made Mar 4 at 2015 10:27 AM

SFC William Swartz Jr — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 10:27:08 -0500

Brother you are by no means alone.....I was 47 when I retired back in '13 after 26 years and still felt I had a lot to contribute to today's Army....unfortunately for me, I had grown too "old", with too much TIS and TIG for Big Army to pick up for MSG, I watched as those I had trained passed me by and others that had about the same TIS as I had TIG got promoted over me, even as my NCOERs still were 1-1's and I was among the best....some of us just seem to have gotten left behind....I live vicariously through my middle son now and am trying to mentor him so that he can/will surpass what I accomplished in my career.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 4 at 2015 10:31 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 10:31:37 -0500

As I have mentioned in other posts, I am really trying to emulate the vets who served in conflict generations before me, especially World War II, Korea and Vietnam.

Those I have been closest to were/are proud of their service, but they did not necessarily let it define them solely. They epitomize the professional soldier, the quiet professional and they tried to remain supportive of those currently serving.

But they also are accessible to the community. They reach out to those who did not serve as an equal, not with disdain because they didn't do their part. They do not speak poorly of other veterans because of what those other veterans were not -- i.e. didn't serve in combat arms, did not deploy when it was hard, etc.

Lastly, they -- and hopefully I -- did not/do not feel the need to brag or defend my service. I know what I did and I know areas where I could have been better. If there are those that want to judge otherwise, so be it.

I am a new retiree, but will be a proud, supportive veteran for the rest of my life. But that doesn't mean I have to throw it your face every chance I get, because you might be a veteran as well, just more professional about how you carry yourself.

Great post SGT Micheal Adams , and thank you for your service!

Response by MSG Brad Sand made Mar 4 at 2015 11:05 AM

MSG Brad Sand — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 11:05:03 -0500

No, you are not alone. I am not sure if RP helps or makes it worse? Like scratching the scab off a wound? Reminds you what you once had and were but no more? Does that makes sense?

Response by SGT William Howell made Mar 4 at 2015 11:08 AM

SGT William Howell — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 11:08:20 -0500

Well for a while I played contractor, but at some point I had to come home and face the music of having to find a real job. I missed the immersion of people who understood my past life and could relate.

What I did was find a organization to volunteer with. I chose USA Cares because they help vets and military with needs that they can't get some place else within 48 hours. It was my way of saying thank you and hanging with like minded people.

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 4 at 2015 11:25 AM

Capt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 11:25:10 -0500

I joined the Air Force at age 17. The Air Force was my life for over 14 years. Do I regret not having the life I would have had? Perhaps on occasion. But, who knows what that life would have been? I have enjoyed the life I have had and it has been nearly 55 years since leaving home.

Response by SGM Mikel Dawson made Mar 4 at 2015 11:42 AM

SGM Mikel Dawson — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 11:42:13 -0500

After I retired, I missed the army. I don't think of it as my past life, it is still part of my life, just another part.

Response by 1SG Jason Smith made Mar 4 at 2015 12:21 PM

1SG Jason Smith — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 12:21:21 -0500

How do I deal with military life being my past life? I dont see the 24 years as my past life. Military service is and always will be a huge part of my life. It made me who I am today. I know that the transition was tough but as any good Soldier knows there are times when I had to "suck it up and drive on". I suppose I could have stayed a few more years and trained or mentored a few more Soldiers, but I knew that time with my family at 46 was going to be fleeting and I didn't want to miss anymore of watchi8ng the kids grow up. SO i have redirected my energy into coaching little league baseball, volunteering at Church and in the community. In a way I am still serving this country

Response by SGT Jim Z. made Mar 4 at 2015 12:34 PM

SGT Jim Z. — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 12:34:27 -0500

I miss it to a point but I work supporting Soldiers everyday in my new career. I keep up with most dealings with the Army more for situational awareness but also to lend advice if need be.

Response by SGT James Elphick made Mar 4 at 2015 12:35 PM

SGT James Elphick — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 12:35:50 -0500

I was very lost for a long time after my service until I started working with Veterans. It helped me bridge my "past" life with my current one. So not only have I been making a living but it has been therapeutic for me as well. If you are not as fortunate as I am to be able to work with Vets for a living then volunteering might be a great way to help.

Response by SGT Micheal Adams made Mar 4 at 2015 12:45 PM

SGT Micheal Adams — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 12:45:56 -0500

Someone mentioned Patches and Challenge Coins, funny you mentioned that because I just moved. So I had to rearrange and set up my me shelf. Go through duffel bags. You know going through duffel bags are like going through a box of old photos. Drags up memories good and bad. Mostly good in my case. DRIVE ON HOOOOAH

Response by CSM Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 4 at 2015 12:59 PM

CSM Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 12:59:22 -0500

The challenge is how you let the memories make you feel. The military was a huge part of our lives and we were proud to serve our country. Now we have retired or separated, and maybe not by our choice, and feel either we still had a lot to offer and/or we aren't wanted or needed any longer. All kind of feelings can come into play such as: frustration, anger, depression, fear, anxiety, loneliness, and apprehension to name a few. When I went through the transition process I don't remember anything dealing with this, but then again, my process was combined with a MEB, PEB and Warrior Transition Battalion, and it was info overload.

I had to come to that point of having a talk with myself and deciding to choose what I wanted to do and how I wanted to live my life from that point forward. I chose to celebrate in the memories of my past military and take advantage of the opportunities presented to me now. I was happy and successful in the military and my happiness and success was due to me, not the military - it was just where it happened, so I can be happy and successful in something else. You just have to find what that something else is, whether it is another job, volunteering, church, family, hobbies, going back to school or doing nothing at all.

I liken it to the passing of a living being, a loved one, be it a pet or person. That part of my life is over (active military) and I want to celebrate the time I had with it rather than mourn its passing. There is nothing positive that can come from living a life of mourning. I will admit I did go through a mourning period, and it was not pretty - alcohol, weight gain, reckless behavior or adrenaline rushes, strained relationships, you name it.

RP has given me the opportunity to once again 'belong' to a military organization where I feel I can contribute. If there is any possibility that somebody still on active duty may benefit or learn from something I might say - it is a win. If there is any possibility that a fellow retiree or veteran can find some comfort or humor in something I might say - it is a win.

Response by MAJ Keira Brennan made Mar 4 at 2015 3:04 PM

MAJ Keira Brennan — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 15:04:05 -0500

It's definitely closing a door (unless you get hired at the post CIF LOL). I retired in 2012 and miss it a lot. I do kinda like the CoS's new "Soldier for Life" idea. Oh - Veteran Affairs takes GREAT CARE OF ME so I feel like I am still affiliated.

V/r

Response by Cpl Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 4 at 2015 4:10 PM

Cpl Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 16:10:50 -0500

How do I deal, I joined RallyPoint!

Response by CSM Michael J. Uhlig made Mar 4 at 2015 4:31 PM

CSM Michael J. Uhlig — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 16:31:12 -0500

In the saddle for the last ride right now, trying to give back as much as I can everyday....I know without a doubt I am going to miss working with and for the best people our country has....the transition (after 30 years) is going to be a very tough one for me.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 4 at 2015 6:31 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 18:31:48 -0500

I'm 70 now, but being in the military and in Vietnam is just like it happened yesterday. I didn't re-enlist back in '67. I was still screwed up from being in Nam and didn't think I should. As I got older, and especially after getting help from the VA, I realized I should have stayed in and retired if I made through a couple more tours in Nam. I miss the camaraderie , my pals I served with, and the military itself. I have tried to stay involved in military type programs like RP. I had a military ministry at my church for ten years which I put the names of vets in Iraq and Afghanistan, with their APO, so members could send care packages and mail to the troops. None of the names I posted were killed, but some were injured. That played out about two years ago, when I couldn't get anymore names. I am a total vet advocate and will do whatever I can to help. That's kinda my way of still being in the military.

Response by MSgt Rob Weston made Mar 4 at 2015 9:39 PM

MSgt Rob Weston — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 21:39:53 -0500

Brother, your not alone. I miss the AF. Even though recently retired a few months ago I see it as it will always be a part of my life. Be proud and be strong.

Response by SGT Ray Grooms made Mar 5 at 2015 12:36 AM

SGT Ray Grooms — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 00:36:40 -0500

Look back fondly on your great experiences. But also remember the aggravating things that no one misses when the leave. Such as: Raking the woods that no one could possibly see because you had to use a machete to get through the brush to get to where you were assigned to rake (Ft. Bragg clean sweep), mandatory fun days, POV inspections every Friday, packing your ruck the night before just to lay it our in the parking lot in the morning, and my favorite... showing up at the armory at 0430 for a change of command ceremony that starts at noon because every one in the CoC added 30 minutes to the show time. I loved the military and I miss most of the people, but I do not miss those things.

Response by SFC Boots Attaway made Mar 5 at 2015 6:06 PM

SFC Boots Attaway — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 18:06:33 -0500

SGT Micheal Adams, believe me you are not alone. After I left active duty in 84 I felt out of place. Then when I went back in in 07 everything felt right. Now that I have been med retired I feel a little lost. My wife helps me a lot though by keeping me as busy as is possible.

Response by CPT Jack Durish made Mar 5 at 2015 6:35 PM

CPT Jack Durish — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 18:35:50 -0500

I was on active duty just 6 of my 72 years. That doesn't seem like much, does it? It is.

I'll never be the man I was then, but who is regardless of whether they served or not.

The truth is that I didn't think much about it until a couple of years ago when I learned that veterans were getting a raw deal from the government in general and the VA in particular. I didn't need anything from them. I've always prided myself on being independent. But, I heard a call and couldn't not answer it.

I joined the VFW and the American Legion and got involved.

It was like coming home.

I was a soldier. Hell, I am a soldier. Damn, it feels good just writing that.

I'm raising money for the Marines at Pendleton, helping feed and clothe young families while their spouses are deployed. I'm trying to help raise funds for an Iwo Jima memorial to come to the base. I visit the VA hospital. And, I'm looking for more ways to help.

I'm not looking for a pat on the back. I'm saying this only to encourage others to follow me. There's a need. It's greater than I can fill. You're needed too.

My reward is already paid. I feel like one of you again...

Response by SPC Michael Meier made Mar 5 at 2015 6:49 PM

SPC Michael Meier — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 18:49:20 -0500

You are not alone. I never retired but dedicated 6 years to the Army. I ETS'd in 2005. I catch myself on several occasions looking back at the family I left. I am 35 yrs old now. It has been 10 years since my departure onto a new life. I really think the bond and experience will never be the same of what was experienced in the military.

Response by Cpl Alex Whitney made Mar 5 at 2015 8:22 PM

Cpl Alex Whitney — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 20:22:58 -0500

It's been 11 years since I EAS'd out of the Marine Corps. Miss it like nothing else! Having a family now, I routinely discuss my time with them. My youngest, 6 y/o son, is all about everything Military. He lives off of WWII history books, military movies, etc. in addition to me passing my knowledge on to him, I joined the American Legion. If I need a Military rant or joke I head to the Post - nothing like a fellow Marine or other Vet to chat with! No matter what the age or era, I find a bond with all Veterans. My favorite is a 96 y/o Army WWII Vet - might be a 63year age difference but I can listen to his stories all night!

Response by SGT Allen D'Aoust made Mar 5 at 2015 8:42 PM

SGT Allen D'Aoust — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 20:42:06 -0500

Brother you are among like minded Brothers & Sisters. Welcome

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 6 at 2015 12:04 AM

CW3 Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 06 Mar 2015 00:04:18 -0500

My father retired in 2001, and still misses it. He wishes he could get a letter asking him to come back in a lot, but his disability prevents him fun doing so. I can't imagine most people aren't that way to be honest. I had a very enjoyable enlisted career and still miss it a lot at the sand time that I'm looking forward to the rest of my career after school. So, if I'm still in and I feel that way, I can't imagine how much greater that being would be for you gentlemen who've had do much more time behind then must feel about it. Pretty safe to say it's not only normal, but that anyone who took pride and enjoyed their service as you did and doesn't feel that way, might be a little off!

Response by SSG Leonard Johnson made Mar 6 at 2015 12:20 AM

SSG Leonard Johnson — Fri, 06 Mar 2015 00:20:48 -0500

go to the VFW and get liquored up....toast some rounds and take my ...............Medical Marijuana .........Hey.........I'm from Kolorado.....drinking Kolorado Kool aid ;)

Response by CW2 Eric Scott made Mar 6 at 2015 3:30 PM

CW2 Eric Scott — Fri, 06 Mar 2015 15:30:08 -0500

I hate it. I love it.

Response by SFC Collin McMillion made Mar 6 at 2015 9:25 PM

SFC Collin McMillion — Fri, 06 Mar 2015 21:25:42 -0500

I am considerably older than you and the answer is definitely YES. Every time I see a military member on uniform I just wish I was in uniform standing beside him. i did not enlist, but I came to love it. Sure it had it's ups and downs, but I am a proud patriot and veteran. Miss it a lot!!!!

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 8 at 2015 9:38 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 21:38:47 -0400

I miss it. I try to honor it by doing the right thing. I manage my company like I hope I would manage my platoon (if I stayed in long enough). I take care of my people, to the point that they call me drunk to drive them home. I had one get into a bad car accident and he called me before he called the police, his parents or girlfriend. I'm the first one in and the last one out, everyone knows that I can do their jobs, because I have done their jobs, and I don't ask them to do anything I can't out won't. I like to think it pays off, I haven't had any turn over in my full time positions in over two years.

Response by Cpl Glynis Sakowicz made Mar 11 at 2015 12:19 PM

Cpl Glynis Sakowicz — Wed, 11 Mar 2015 12:19:08 -0400

How do I deal with the military being my past life... you know, I have to say, its not my past. I was born in a family that had 'heads' not bathrooms. I knew what thirteen hundred was, and I took being called a Boot as a sign of that my Daddy loved me, and I remember many nights, curled up under a USMC blanket that was one of three we somehow ended up with after my dad left the Corps.

My children pretty much had the same sort of childhood, because, lets face it, we turn into the parents we had for the most part, and yes, our daughters loved the mall and all those lacey little girl things, but they learned hand to hand combat when their father was at a loss how to get them out to play.

A thousand times a day, something passes thru my brain t hat has its roots in Parris Island, or Camp Pendelton, or Great Lakes... or NAS Corpus Christi...or a dozen other bases. I sometimes make SOS for my husband on cold nights, and we love taking the AR15 out to the range now and then just to keep 'familar' with it. We are, and probably always will be, Marines inside. The outside is pudgy, the hair is turning gray, and its harder to get back up onto your feet after PT... and lets not forget those gunts, groans and muttered bad words as you hear those pops snaps and crackles when you get out the the bed each morning, but inside, we're still the same twenty somethings that somehow handled parenthood, a commitment to the Corps, and part time jobs to pay for the diapers and new cloths...

My answer is, I'm not military in my past life... the military, in one form or another, molded me, formed me, and set me on a path to digging in and hanging on in the worst of times, and some of the best. I'm always going to be military, in some form, so take heart SGT Adams, you are ALWAYS going to be military as well... if you're anything like us.

Response by COL Charles Williams made Mar 12 at 2015 10:39 PM

COL Charles Williams — Thu, 12 Mar 2015 22:39:34 -0400

Let it go... it is a young man's/woman's game....

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2015 6:38 PM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 18:38:04 -0400

You are not alone brother!

Response by CPL Brendan Hayes made Mar 13 at 2015 11:11 PM

CPL Brendan Hayes — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 23:11:04 -0400

I spent a total of 8 years in the military between my active and National Guard time. By the time my ETS date came around I was ready to be out. I had been hiding chronic back issues for some time, and it was getting harder and harder to do. After getting out, I missed it... a lot.

Within a year, I had started a new, and my current, career. My daughter was born just after that. Before long, I had been out three years and hardly noticed. I spoke with my wife about going back. She was supportive enough, but she also wanted to know why. When I told her I missed it, she looked at me kind of funny. She then told me one of the truest facts of my life, "You don't miss the Army. You miss the guys." Though this should have been painfully obvious, I hadn't even considered it.

The following summer I was invited to my old unit's summer picnic. I jumped at the chance to go. I still had friends in the unit, and it would be great to see them and feel like one of the guys again. Once there, I felt like an outsider. My friends, while welcoming enough, had their own inside jokes, heirarchy, and communication. I quickly found that I got along better with the other vets from the unit and spent most of my time with them.

It took me some time to realize that I was not one of the guys anymore, but I did find that I enjoyed the company of other vets. This was the big thing I came to realize. When I see a currently serving service member, I treat him/her with the respect he/she deserves, but I don't approach the service member like I'm one of them. I'm not. I was. What I am, is what he/she may one day become, a veteran. If he/she needs, or wants, my advice or help, I will gladly give it. For right now, I am only someone who used to know what it's like, way back when; and I've come to terms with that.

My time in the military is something I will always remember with a great deal of pride. As someone said above, I will never be the man I was back then, but that is not a bad thing. Since my time in the military I have: earned a Bachelor's Degree, earned a Master's Degree, been accepted to a PhD program (I declined), had two amazing kids, bought my first house, run a marathon and a double marathon, and a whole host of other things that I am also proud of. Being in the military was probably the most formative experience of my life, and that experience has made me the man I am today.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made May 20 at 2015 4:42 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Wed, 20 May 2015 16:42:36 -0400

My career is done, finished, over. I look in another direction now.

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made Dec 2 at 2015 7:58 PM

PO1 William "Chip" Nagel — Wed, 02 Dec 2015 19:58:45 -0500

21 years I wore Navy Blue. I can't fit in myt Crackerjacks anymore but I am still a Sailor and a Veteran and no that is not past. It was my Life for all those years I am still Proud to call myself a Navy Spook (Although my skills are probably nothing compared to what Military Spooks can do now days).

Response by Cpl Glynis Sakowicz made Dec 3 at 2015 1:20 PM

Cpl Glynis Sakowicz — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 13:20:58 -0500

I'm a Marine... Its never past. I just don't wear the uniform any longer, but for us, its never in the past.

Response by CPO Emmett (Bud) Carpenter made Dec 3 at 2015 1:31 PM

CPO Emmett (Bud) Carpenter — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 13:31:03 -0500

I spent 24 years in the US Navy,20 years as a Snapon tool dealer. I'm 70 years old now and retired. I don't think of myself as a retired Snapon tool dealer but as a Chief Petty Officer. By the way you can call me by my first name which is CHIEF!

Response by SSgt Charles Freeman made May 29 at 2016 9:51 PM

SSgt Charles Freeman — Sun, 29 May 2016 21:51:45 -0400

I miss it every day.