How do you deal with crowds?

SFC John O'Brien — Tue, 27 Oct 2015 16:32:18 -0400

Getting out of my comfort zone
Since coming home from Iraq in 2007 I have had issues with large crowds. Taking my wife to diner, attending family events, bars, weddings, and even going with her shopping puts me so far over the edge that I’m looking for door or an escape route within minutes of arrival at our destination. I have been working on those issues over last few years and have gotten to the point that I’m not as jumpy as long as I can see an exit.
Every year since my wife and I have been together, on Thanksgiving she watches the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and reminds me that it is her dream to someday go to New York to see the parade in person. I usually laugh it off and suggest that she call one of her sisters to go with her. That generally ends up with some pouting, a foot stomp, and the end of the conversation for a year. Until this year.
In February of this year my wife and I joined a Luxury Travel Club. At first I was skeptical about the club, there was just no way the trips were as good as they advertising for the price we were going to pay, or there was some sort of catch and we would get nickeled and dimed to death on the back end. Man, was I glad I was wrong and I freely admitted that to wife. For me the greatest thing about the club is that it is not group travel, you just get a group discount price which is anywhere from 30% to 70% off the normal price.
Our first trip was to San Francisco over the 4th of July weekend. We stayed at the Hyatt Fisherman’s Warf which is just off Pier 39. We got on a boat for cruse under the Golden Gate Bridge then sat out in the Bay for the fireworks. Drinks, food and music. My wife and I had a blast.
As soon as we got home from San Fran we started looking for our next trip and my wife found one that we would both enjoy. A tower suet at the Palms in Las Vegas for New Years that includes VIP tickets to the number 1 club in Vegas with open bar and a helicopter tour of the Strip at dusk. I told her she would have to keep me awake for the helicopter ride since helicopters have tendency to put me to sleep.
This past weekend as I was waiting to get my hair cut, I was flipping through app for the travel club on my phone when my nemesis popped up. 5 days 4 nights at the Le Parker Meridien in New York City for Thanksgiving and the Macy’s Parade. At first I wanted to throw my phone out the window and never mention it to my wife. Then I got angry with myself. “This is my wife’s Dream Trip, she doesn’t want to go on this trip with her sisters, she wants me to go, and I had been denying her the opportunity to go on this trip for 7 years because of my issues with crowds!”
After I got done chewing my own butt, I opened the trip details, hoping that it would be just too expensive because we had already booked Vegas. Wrong again. The price for the 2 of us to go on this trip to New York City was about $200.00 more than what 2 nights at the Le Parker Meridien would cost. So I booked the trip.
When I got home I had to break the bad news to my wife that I had booked us another trip. At first she was mad as hell because we are supposed to discuss subjects that involve spending money. Then I told her it was her dream trip to New York for Thanksgiving and she hasn’t stopped smiling since. There goes my comfort zone.
You can’t let things in your head keep you from enjoying life with your loved ones.

Response by GySgt Wayne A. Ekblad made Oct 27 at 2015 4:37 PM

GySgt Wayne A. Ekblad — Tue, 27 Oct 2015 16:37:14 -0400

I am very uncomfortable in crowds so I tend to avoid them at all costs.

Response by SFC Wade W. made Oct 27 at 2015 6:20 PM

SFC Wade W. — Tue, 27 Oct 2015 18:20:06 -0400

It takes time and work. I would not say I am comfortable in large crowds but I do cope. My wife says my head is always on a swivel and I look like I am looking for trouble. Well, I am and suspect I always will but that is my reality and my wife, loved ones and friends know it.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 28 at 2015 3:07 PM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 28 Oct 2015 15:07:44 -0400

I have good days and bad days when it comes to crowds - I like to attend sporting events, so I have learned to "cope" for a certain amount of time. I do have moments though, in which if I'm in a crowd and I feel an anxiety attack coming on - I quickly evade for a better lack of terms, to a more secluded area, preferably my home. I think most vets/SMs usually pan/scan for escape routes and exits...that's just the nature of training (at least I contribute it to muscle memory).

You're right though - if you're able, you have to find a way and learn to cope, especially at the cost of your loved ones.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Oct 28 at 2015 3:25 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Wed, 28 Oct 2015 15:25:13 -0400

Crowds give me stress and anxiety, and I maximize avoidance with crowds.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 18 at 2016 4:08 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 18 Feb 2016 16:08:28 -0500

How do I deal with crowds? Easy. I avoid them. I need to go out to do stuff I'm in and out with what I needed to do. Family events etc don't really bother me because I'm around people I know and am comfortable with. But the escape and egress routes are always there..lol.

Response by Sgt David G Duchesneau made Feb 18 at 2016 5:11 PM

Sgt David G Duchesneau — Thu, 18 Feb 2016 17:11:51 -0500

Being retired from the State Police I had to deal with crowds all the time. You get use to it and it doesn't bother me at all. If I get uncomfortable, I remove myself from the situation. No big deal!

Response by PO3 David Fries made Feb 18 at 2016 5:22 PM

PO3 David Fries — Thu, 18 Feb 2016 17:22:59 -0500

I am not even a combat vet and have had issues with crowds since I got out. I am not nearly as bad as I used to be.

Response by TSgt Dawn Premock made Feb 18 at 2016 5:33 PM

TSgt Dawn Premock — Thu, 18 Feb 2016 17:33:22 -0500

I've been dealing with PTSD since 1993. It took me a long time to be in crowds. At first I would always have someone to have my six. Due to a new position I was elected to in AMVETS, I had to be around complete strangers in close quarters. I had no choice, unless I wanted to quit my position. I did a lot of self talk... "I'm ok here" "no one will harm me here" I'm in my safe place with myself" etc. I did miss a few things I should have been paying attention to at first, but now I can handle crowds and people being loud.

I hope this helps.

Response by SGT(P) Eric L. made Feb 18 at 2016 6:45 PM

SGT(P) Eric L. — Thu, 18 Feb 2016 18:45:47 -0500

I already have it worked out in my head before I go in what I would do in every situation imaginable, as soon as I get in I locate the exits and never keep my back to the door.....so needless to say I don't do crowds or public places very well! Lol

Response by Sgt Sherry Taylor-Bruce made Feb 18 at 2016 6:46 PM

Sgt Sherry Taylor-Bruce — Thu, 18 Feb 2016 18:46:38 -0500

I attend a large Church that has sections of seats, I sit near the back where it's not crowded or loud.

I avoid concerts, large noisy parties, arcades and bowling alleys. The clicking, banging, clanging and rock music affects my anxiety alot. It's a good thing that I'm 57 because nobody invites me to those places anymore.

Response by SSG Michael Scott made Feb 18 at 2016 9:15 PM

SSG Michael Scott — Thu, 18 Feb 2016 21:15:08 -0500

I know exactly what you mean.

Response by SSG Michael Scott made Feb 22 at 2016 11:59 AM

SSG Michael Scott — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 11:59:14 -0500

I try to avoid them, but I will venture out every now and then.

Response by SFC Marcus Belt made Feb 24 at 2016 2:09 PM

SFC Marcus Belt — Wed, 24 Feb 2016 14:09:56 -0500

Have a plan to get out of the crowd, be ready to execute, and understand that most of the time, nobody is paying any attention to you, and means you no harm.

If you struggle with it to the point of serious distress, you might want to talk to someone.

That's what I did. I used to get freaked out in crowds also but now I know that just like other stressful situations, I have to talk to myself, rather than listening to myself.

Response by MSG Tim Donahue, M.Ed. made Feb 25 at 2016 11:53 AM

MSG Tim Donahue, M.Ed. — Thu, 25 Feb 2016 11:53:45 -0500

Had a bad experience in Rwanda - food riot - I have trouble with crowds. I completely understand.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 25 at 2016 2:49 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 25 Feb 2016 14:49:14 -0500

sometimes it gets to be too much. as hard as it is, I try to deal with 1 thing at a time. I always have my radar turned up to 11 and I scan. carrying a pistol is a huge help. makes me feel like I have a bit of say in what happens.

Response by SSG Keith Cashion made Aug 1 at 2016 4:25 PM

SSG Keith Cashion — Mon, 01 Aug 2016 16:25:43 -0400

I still have this issue. Driving, I drive my car to and from work Monday-Friday. Weekends, unless we are on the bike, my wife drives. As with most of us, going into any business is an automatic scan of the parking lot, picturing the floor plan of the building checking for exits and a count to guestimate the number of people in the building. My wife and kids see it, and if I feel stress or the anxiety coming on, it's either move towards the exit or back up against the wall. It is really stressful when in a line for check out and someone behind me bumps into me or I feel they are too close.

This has been hell, because I was one that always enjoyed crowds, just people watching for fun, now sends me to outer limits. When we ride in Veterans Rides, or groups I don't have that much of an issue, because the majority of the riders are vets as well. It can be a struggle, but for the most part, I avoid crowds if possible.

Response by Col Dona Marie Iversen made Aug 1 at 2016 8:31 PM

Col Dona Marie Iversen — Mon, 01 Aug 2016 20:31:41 -0400

That's the best time to be in the city! If you have a crowd issue, simply walk down one of the side streets MUCH less congested. You can do this! Also as an FYI many NY'ers have an appendage glued to their hand and rarely life their heads so be prepared to get bumped every now and then. The appendage is their cell phones:) Your a WONDERFUL husband. Message me if you want any tips and tricks for getting around the city, restaurants etc.

Response by SGM Mikel Dawson made Aug 1 at 2016 8:41 PM

SGM Mikel Dawson — Mon, 01 Aug 2016 20:41:31 -0400

As the VA shrink put it; service member has changed his life style to avoid crowds and situations which put him in stressful situations.
I don't go to town much. Wife and I go out to eat once in a while, but we usually go early before the crowds show up. I'm not for going out partying, I use to love to hit the Twilight lounge listen to come good country music and dance, but not here. I'd prefer to head to the shop, light the coal forge and make something.

Response by Sgt John Steinmeier made Aug 1 at 2016 9:19 PM

Sgt John Steinmeier — Mon, 01 Aug 2016 21:19:34 -0400

Avoid them like the plague. Too many asshats in crowds that are a serious buzz kill for me to be around.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 10 at 2017 11:13 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 10 Apr 2017 23:13:24 -0400

Personally, I don't do large crowds. One of the reasons I live in a extreme rural environment. 5.4 acres of trees, no neighbors closer than 1 or 2 acres away. I have been in crowds since coming back from Iraq in 2008 and felt extremely uncomfortable. The last time I found myself in a crowd, I became very irritated. I kept focusing on one single thing and left as soon as I could. Since then, I avoid a large crowd with extreme prejudice. Better to be alone, than in a crowd.

Response by MSgt Ronnie Kelly made May 5 at 2017 6:13 PM

MSgt Ronnie Kelly — Fri, 05 May 2017 18:13:24 -0400

It is something I noticed not long after i returned from a contract job in Saudi, I was more and more uncomfortable in crowds. I would get more clostrophobic the larger the crowd. It's gotten better over the years, but still feel that crushing feeling on occasion

Response by SGT Patrick Reno made Jul 5 at 2017 11:19 AM

SGT Patrick Reno — Wed, 05 Jul 2017 11:19:40 -0400

Wife watches me, she can tell when it starts to bother me and gets me into a quitter location.

Response by SGT Brent Scott made Jul 6 at 2017 5:53 PM

SGT Brent Scott — Thu, 06 Jul 2017 17:53:09 -0400

Unfortunately crowds can't always be avoided, but I'm always prepared, always have an exit stage left, if I get to the point of weirdness I just tell my wife and kiddos where I will be

Response by 1SG Henry McDonald made Apr 4 at 2018 9:51 AM

1SG Henry McDonald — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 09:51:07 -0400

Crowds are an issue with me as well. I tend to stay near the edges if I can’t avoid the situation all together. I rarely if ever get “into” a crowd.

Response by SGM Bill Frazer made Apr 4 at 2018 9:57 AM

SGM Bill Frazer — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 09:57:10 -0400

So true- you do know that you probably have PTSD, right? I suggest seeking counseling- it doesn't make it go away, but it helps you spot the triggers before the eruption. Hypervigilism is one of the signs. Try to enjoy your trip- Drive on Brother

Response by CPL Michael Moore made Jun 9 at 2019 11:30 PM

CPL Michael Moore — Sun, 09 Jun 2019 23:30:06 -0400

I avoid them when I can't I do the standard terrain and threat analysis, keep updating it to pass the time. Eventually the event will end and you can nudge the household 6 back into the wire.