How do I tell my family that I won’t be home for the holidays?

2017-10-22T17:10:34-04:00

I have a huge family and we have had the opportunity to celebrate much of our lives together over the last 17 years. With upcoming events for my unit that will not allow me the time and fortitude to be able to see my family for the holidays, I’m not sure how to tell them. Help?

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 22 at 2017 5:17 PM

2017-10-22T17:17:58-04:00

SPC Cameron Hale Simple. You just tell them that your military obligations will not allow you time to be home for the holidays. Military and civilians careers sometimes call for folks to work or be away from home during the holidays.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 22 at 2017 5:43 PM

2017-10-22T17:43:15-04:00

No point in beating around the bush. Just tell them straight and honest. Your military obligations, at this time, prohibit you from visiting. It's the way of the beast and it will happen again some time down the road.

Response by PFC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 22 at 2017 5:45 PM

2017-10-22T17:45:36-04:00

The sooner the better. Plan accordingly as you know ahead of time.

Response by MSG Floyd Williams made Oct 22 at 2017 7:20 PM

2017-10-22T19:20:32-04:00

I know it's hard but you have to tell them, we all been there before at one time or another.

Response by SGT Walter Lester made Oct 22 at 2017 8:09 PM

2017-10-22T20:09:24-04:00

Just tell your family that Duty Calls and you have to go. You are in the military now and your service has priority.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 22 at 2017 8:37 PM

2017-10-22T20:37:04-04:00

Most of us have been there and bought that T-Shirt. Let me suggest a different twist. Celebrate your service to our country and your family. Plan events that allow interaction via either computer, MARS, or some fashion of communication. Perhaps even recordings made beforehand and timed to arrive in the last weeks before the event. 1st time separation my 2 year old would not even speak to me on the phone because she felt like I had abandoned them. That was a hard Christmas. My wife took the bull by the horns and got her family and our family to visit my mother and dad so they were all together on Christmas Day when I called. It remains one of the worst and best memories I carry of raising my family. Where ever you are stationed, pick a cause to contribute to ( I mean your time). Use the free time you have to uplift someone, use that to uplift your family. Be an inspiration to them. You already are in many ways you may not yet realize. Just a thought

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made Oct 22 at 2017 8:47 PM

2017-10-22T20:47:55-04:00

SPC Cameron Hale I Understand, 21 Years I wasn't there for "Shit" I was "Busy" Needless to say I Spent $1,000 recently to See My Son in Law and Granddaughter in "Fiddler on the Roof" I'm Not Missing Anything Anymore!

Response by LT Brad McInnis made Oct 22 at 2017 9:09 PM

2017-10-22T21:09:27-04:00

To be honest, most of them probably already know that there will be times when you can't make it due to military obligations. Just tell them, I am sure they will understand. One thing you may do to lessen the blow is to schedule a call or Skype at some point during the holidays. Just a quick one to say hi and happy holidays to everyone.

Response by SGT Dave Tracy made Oct 23 at 2017 9:16 AM

2017-10-23T09:16:58-04:00

Truthful, direct, explanatory, and with consideration for their feelings:

"Mom, Dad, Great-Auntie Matilda, I just want to let you know I can't make it for Christmas this year. Sorry 'bout that, but my military commitments this year mean I can only be with you in spirit."

Response by SGM Bill Frazer made Oct 23 at 2017 9:35 AM

2017-10-23T09:35:00-04:00

Welcome to the Military, this will happen as long as you stay in, it's called Duty. Both you and your family will have to get use to it. Tell them early and straight forward- "Looks like I won't be coming home for the Holidays. " Then make plans to celebrate the holidays electronically or when you get to go home. I have had Christmas in July due to deployments, and several times we have wrapped a year's special events into 1 big family blowout.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 23 at 2017 11:29 AM

2017-10-23T11:29:28-04:00

Just tell them. They will understand.
It won't be the last time, either.

Response by Cpl Justin Goolsby made Oct 23 at 2017 7:06 PM

2017-10-23T19:06:04-04:00

Just tell them. This is the life you signed up for and this is part of the sacrifice we all had to make. I only ever took leave once a year. Missed plenty of family events. The world keeps spinning and your family will either get over it or you don't need them in your life.

Response by SSG Steven Mangus made Oct 23 at 2017 8:33 PM

2017-10-23T20:33:55-04:00

Be up front and don't sugar coat it. Your family will understand. I will offer this, when I couldn't make it home I would always call. With that being said, call and wish everyone the best..believe me, your family will appreciate it. Remember, when serving, holidays are just another day..good luck.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 23 at 2017 8:36 PM

2017-10-23T20:36:43-04:00

Bad news does not get better with time.

Response by SGT Mark Halmrast made Oct 23 at 2017 9:37 PM

2017-10-23T21:37:13-04:00

"I won't be home for the holidays."

Response by Capt Brandon Charters made Oct 24 at 2017 12:13 AM

2017-10-24T00:13:24-04:00

First, can't thank you enough for keeping the watch while we enjoy the freedom and joys of the holidays. I would recommend being as direct as possible with your family and hopefully you can relay this over the phone or via FaceTime. Let them know how much you'll miss them and that this is part of wearing the uniform. It might be hard for everyone else in the family, but maybe suggest a gathering after the holidays when you can visit. I've definitely celebrated a late Christmas & Thanksgiving in the past and still counted it as great quality time with my family.
I even know families who got together after year-long deployments and celebrated a new holiday that they missed on each day of leave.

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 24 at 2017 1:12 AM

2017-10-24T01:12:09-04:00

Be home when you can. I have only had 5 deployments of 1 year each in 22 years. That's pretty good. If you count the "other" non-combat deployments, it starts to stack up. I've missed countless holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. You name it. I was one day from missing my daughter's birth, but got back on 2 weeks of leave the night before she was born and then left for another 6 months. Enjoy the time at home when you get it. Tell your family now. People move across the country all the time. It's not just a military thing. Plenty of people have to travel for work and often they can't make it home for the holidays. Welcome to the family.

Response by SFC Christopher Taggart made Oct 24 at 2017 12:45 PM

2017-10-24T12:45:11-04:00

First time away from home, especially around the holidays can be rough. I'm sure not all your fellow soldiers are going home either. Stay with them, cheers 'em up and maybe have a get-together. With so many ways of keeping in contact with your family, it shouldn't be a problem. Use Skype to see them. My point is, stay busy, it helps.

Response by SGT Eliyahu Rooff made Oct 24 at 2017 2:12 PM

2017-10-24T14:12:58-04:00

Just tell 'em. Virtually everyone in the country knows that being in the military means you can't come home whenever you want to, and that deployments occur year around.

Response by Lt Col Scott Shuttleworth made Oct 24 at 2017 4:34 PM

2017-10-24T16:34:37-04:00

Rip the band-aid off and be honest with them and upfront. Don't wait. I missed all my siblings weddings due to military obligations and many other holiday celebrations. Just be honest and tell them that this probably won't be the last but you will be with them when you can.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 26 at 2017 2:25 PM

2017-10-26T14:25:05-04:00

Agree with everyone on this thread, just remind them with technologies these days you will still be able to communicate via skype, video messaging or something like that. Make the best of it with your fellow Soldiers!