SGT Private RallyPoint Member 6536816 <div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>It seems like she always gets mad when I do stuff for them. <br /><br />Recently I had some soldiers get put into the quarantine barracks because of contact trace on Thanksgiving. These barracks are Terrible so I took over an extra tv that I have as well as my kid&#39;s Xbox to give them something to do. My wife is upset that I took my kids Xbox. I tried justifying it since my kids both have their own phones and iPads but that just made it worse. And any other time I go out of my way for my soldiers she says that I always put them before my family. I don&#39;t know what to say when she throws that one at me. 2020-11-28T20:31:10-05:00 SGT Private RallyPoint Member 6536816

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>It seems like she always gets mad when I do stuff for them. <br /><br />Recently I had some soldiers get put into the quarantine barracks because of contact trace on Thanksgiving. These barracks are Terrible so I took over an extra tv that I have as well as my kid&#39;s Xbox to give them something to do. My wife is upset that I took my kids Xbox. I tried justifying it since my kids both have their own phones and iPads but that just made it worse. And any other time I go out of my way for my soldiers she says that I always put them before my family. I don&#39;t know what to say when she throws that one at me.

2020-11-28T20:31:10-05:00 2020-11-28T20:31:10-05:00 GySgt Gary Cordeiro 6536824

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>I have personally never had this situation. Give it to God.

2020-11-28T20:40:36-05:00 2020-11-28T20:40:36-05:00 SPC(P) Private RallyPoint Member 6536829

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Your soldiers are your extended family and family comes first. <br />If you were in quarantine would she expect you to stay in the same conditions? If your children were in quarantine would she expect them to stay in the same conditions? <br />Family comes first. They&#39;re your soldiers, your family and therefore your responsibility. Your teams success is built on trust, loyalty, respect. They need to know that they can count on you so you can count on them. <br /><br />If she cant understand that with leadership comes obligations than the two of you will have to agree to disagree. But you are right, your children have more than enough to share with those who have nothing.

2020-11-28T20:43:37-05:00 2020-11-28T20:43:37-05:00 CSM Charles Hayden 6536871

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Service. The military service! Have you noticed on RP-the references to ‘brothers’? <a class="dark-link bold-link" role="profile-hover" data-qtip-container="body" data-id="1844374" data-source-page-controller="question_response_contents" href="/profiles/1844374-11b-infantryman">SGT Private RallyPoint Member</a>

2020-11-28T21:16:34-05:00 2020-11-28T21:16:34-05:00 LT Brad McInnis 6536926

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>If she wants you to come home from a battlefield, you take care of those that are going to make that happen.

2020-11-28T21:51:10-05:00 2020-11-28T21:51:10-05:00 LTC Jason Mackay 6537046

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Servant leadership is taxing. Does she not know this is different than a clock punching job? Perhaps show her how taking care of soldiers is part of your job and a gauge of your potential for promotion come report card time.

2020-11-28T23:45:45-05:00 2020-11-28T23:45:45-05:00 SGM Bill Frazer 6537074

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>It works much better if some of the other wives would explain to her what all their spouses due for the troops they have.

2020-11-29T00:10:21-05:00 2020-11-29T00:10:21-05:00 MSG Private RallyPoint Member 6537133

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Tell her that your Soldiers are an extension of your family given to you by the Army. It is your job to ensure they are taken care of. If that means tearing off your shirt to dress their wound....using your belt as a tourniquet on their leg.....taking them something to occupy their minds while quarantined so they don&#39;t lose their minds....it&#39;s what you have to do as a Leader. Cite that line from the Creed: Accomplishment of the Mission and the Welfare of my Soldiers. You can&#39;t have one without the other.

2020-11-29T01:34:26-05:00 2020-11-29T01:34:26-05:00 CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member 6537555

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>She doesn&#39;t know you well enough then. Treat your family equally good and it will work out in due course.

2020-11-29T07:15:34-05:00 2020-11-29T07:15:34-05:00 SGT Russell Wickham 6537823

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Our spouse should be our partner, and a partner has a say in the decisions. However, they also have to have a buy in to the concepts that motivate the decisions. As leaders, we are taught selfless service, it&#39;s drilled into us in our creed and our behaviors. However, civilians don&#39;t have that, so they don&#39;t understand what motivates us. Sometimes we have to look for selfish motivations to convince them to do something that we wouldn&#39;t think twice about doing. For instance: By looking out for the needs of these soldiers, by providing for them and meeting their needs, they are more likely to diligently do their jobs up to and including laying down their lives for their leaders. When soldiers know a team leader gives a care about them, is willing to suck right along with them, they are more likely to fight hard for that leader, and chances are higher everyone comes home. By sacrificing our x-box, we are letting them know we care about them.<br /><br />The army spouse has a tough job. You&#39;re always gone for training, can be deployed anywhere with very little notice, and the hours are crazy, which is very stressful on the partner. Getting your spouse to be a team mate and partner in this endeavor can be challenging, but if you can get her to buy in, if you are willing to communicate, and are willing to negotiate for the wanted results, you can get the results you need with her approval instead of the ugly arguments.

2020-11-29T09:14:08-05:00 2020-11-29T09:14:08-05:00 SPC Diana D. 6538275

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>You need to include her in the decision making. You need to explain to her why you are doing what you&#39;re doing and what those soldiers mean to you. <br />You have to remember to her, your kids are the most important things.

2020-11-29T12:08:13-05:00 2020-11-29T12:08:13-05:00 Cpl Vic Burk 6538832

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>That&#39;s a tough one but if I were placed in that argument with my wife I would tell her that the men you are with are &quot;like&quot; family also and family takes care of family. One day you may have to depend on them to save your life if the need were to arise. Hopefully she will be able to see what you mean and give you some slack on this. <br /><br />It isn&#39;t quite the same thing but my wife says I worry too much about my students. I told her many times, &quot;Their success is my success.&quot; It took her a long time to understand that I care about my students, just like you care about the men you that are under you (or you wouldn&#39;t be doing what you are doing for them!).

2020-11-29T18:42:12-05:00 2020-11-29T18:42:12-05:00 SSgt Christophe Murphy 6538931

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Troop welfare is important but I would warn against putting your family out in the process. Your family needs to be your number 1 priority. I always took care of my Marines but I didn&#39;t take from my family to accomplish that task. I would suggest brain storming with your Wife instead of making executive decisions without her input or say in the matter. You and your spouse are counterparts. Don&#39;t treat her like a subordinate. It won&#39;t go well as you have discovered.

2020-11-29T19:26:49-05:00 2020-11-29T19:26:49-05:00 SGT Private RallyPoint Member 6539283

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Sounds like you really need to have a conversation with your wife about your expectations of what kind of leader and role model you want to be. She should encourage that behavior not belittle it. Also sounds like there is miscommunication between her and you of HER expectations from you. There has to be compromise. There are going to be times that your Soldiers come first, especially when it comes to their mental and physical health. She should understand that. <br />Off my soapbox.<br /> If it’s any consolation I think you’re doing a damn good job at taking care of your Soldiers AND your kids if they have an Xbox, their own phones and iPads. Don’t let anyone change who you are if you’re being selfless. “Selfless Service” that’s in Army doctrine somewhere....

2020-11-29T23:26:03-05:00 2020-11-29T23:26:03-05:00 GySgt Kenneth Pepper 6540526

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>It is difficult for the unindoctrinated to understand the level of commitment and accountability military leaders have. I would imagine part of your logic to keep the guys in the barracks occupied stems from keeping them out of trouble. Too much idle time is a killer. <br />I would explain that those young men and women are yours to care for and that includes on and off duty. Showing that you give a damn can prevent them from getting into all kinds of nonsense. It is time well spent.<br />Now, with that said, every time you go out of your way to help the troops, do something equally special for the family. They deserve it too.

2020-11-30T12:11:32-05:00 2020-11-30T12:11:32-05:00 2020-11-28T20:31:10-05:00