Has your sense of humor ever got you in trouble?

CH (MAJ) Thomas Conner — Wed, 26 Aug 2015 18:32:09 -0400

We had a captain who fell asleep in every meeting. Once during a rather lenthy staff call, the captain was asleep (as usual) when another company commander grew frustrated and hit the table with his fist--breaking the glass covering the table. The following day I was speaking with another officer when I said I had identified two of the seven dwarfs of the battalion--sleepy and grumpy! Little did I know the battalion commander was standing behind me! Somehow he did not think it was as funny as I did!

Response by SN Greg Wright made Aug 26 at 2015 6:39 PM

SN Greg Wright — Wed, 26 Aug 2015 18:39:33 -0400

Hah. During our crossing the equator ceremony, I managed to escape most of the uh...proceedings...by hiding behind a refueling rig. When discovered, I was immediately designated the wog-dog, and dragged around on all fours with a leash (believe me, this is mild compared to some of the stuff they do. Or rather, used to do. I can't imagine they even have a ceremony these days). The Captain decided, for whatever reason, to be King Neptune, and so, being a good wog-dog, when I got near him I attacked by growling and trying to bite his leg (sister-service members, close your jaws -- this is also not unusual in the Crossing ceremony!) and while this is probably the only situation, ever, a person can get away with physically accosting their commanding officer...my Chief wasn't too happy about it. Everyone laughed at the time, but I certainly did some EMI. le sigh.

Response by SSgt Terry P. made Aug 26 at 2015 6:39 PM

SSgt Terry P. — Wed, 26 Aug 2015 18:39:53 -0400

Definitely,it seems i find the wrong things funny.

Response by CPO Joseph Grant made Aug 26 at 2015 6:48 PM

CPO Joseph Grant — Wed, 26 Aug 2015 18:48:10 -0400

I was a radioman and I drafted a fake message popping myself for marihuana. As I was the only qualified RM onboard my Chief, when shown the message (even had the CO in on it), crawled into his rack and hid.

We used to carry hand cream onboard to clean the CRES with. When mixed with water it looked just like semenal fluid. I mixed some up in a condom and hung it from my Chief's rack light so it would be the first thing he saw when he woke up. Realize it hung only an inch over his eyes. He was NOT amused but I nearly ruptured myself laughing. I guess that gave me away.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 26 at 2015 6:56 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 26 Aug 2015 18:56:21 -0400

Here on RP, I've said it before and i'll probably say it again, I'm always "closing my mouth before remove my foot" and of course I use the reason or in those cases, the excuse of my mind racing faster than my typing. (Yeah, right.) Humor is in the mind of "one laughing":-)

Response by SGT Patrick Reno made Aug 26 at 2015 7:16 PM

SGT Patrick Reno — Wed, 26 Aug 2015 19:16:54 -0400

We were doing urban combat training in Berlin. Me and a couple of other guys were on the aggressor force. We were covering the back of a building from 3 stories up. Did you know if you take the blank adapter of you can shove a used cartridge into the end of the barrel and it will shoot pretty far. Every time these guys would lean out the window to grab sand bags we would shoot them. After about a half hour this LT. comes running up the stairs and starts yelling at us to quit shooting blanks at his men. I looked at him and said I thought live ammo would be a little to much. He didn't really think it was funny.

Response by CPT Ahmed Faried made Aug 26 at 2015 7:24 PM

CPT Ahmed Faried — Wed, 26 Aug 2015 19:24:45 -0400

hilarious. What was the Bn Cdr's reaction?

Response by COL Charles Williams made Aug 26 at 2015 7:51 PM

COL Charles Williams — Wed, 26 Aug 2015 19:51:29 -0400

Not yet

Response by SSgt Khanh Pham made Aug 26 at 2015 8:50 PM

SSgt Khanh Pham — Wed, 26 Aug 2015 20:50:56 -0400

Definately!
Initially I had to think about quiting, and it goes back and forth. Fortunately, I developed the courage to make mistakes.

I had a contractor sysadmin who likes to give people trouble for leaving their CAC at the desk, while she likes to go to out for smoke with her cac in the reader and desktop unlock. I Changed the setting on her mouse and she made a lot of threats and said I wasted her two hours, and have to undo it for her.

Response by LCpl Mark Lefler made Aug 26 at 2015 8:51 PM

LCpl Mark Lefler — Wed, 26 Aug 2015 20:51:45 -0400

mostly with my wife.

Response by MAJ Javier Rivera made Aug 26 at 2015 9:07 PM

MAJ Javier Rivera — Wed, 26 Aug 2015 21:07:07 -0400

Bad for him. A bit of good (appropriated) humor is vital in this profession. does without it just create what is called in today's terms toxic environment. Just my humble opinion.

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made Aug 27 at 2015 1:56 AM

CAPT Kevin B. — Thu, 27 Aug 2015 01:56:29 -0400

I told about gassing the XO with nitrous oxide and then later stranding him at the South Pole in other posts. Those got me free drinks for the deployment. Probably the biggest fit I caused was as an O-2 at MCAS El Toro, we had this Marine Major who took every opportunity to remind me of his superior rank. I got fed up. All the doors in the passageway had name plate frames. So I took his name out of his office frame and slid it onto the door to the men's head. My reporting senior while doing his best to keep the air in his gut, did tell me I went a tad over the top and would be wise to be out in the field for a couple days.

Response by PO1 Tony Holland made Aug 27 at 2015 4:43 AM

PO1 Tony Holland — Thu, 27 Aug 2015 04:43:02 -0400

When I was a senior in high school in Japan, our teacher gave a creative writing assignment to the class based on something that we were intimately familiar with. After racking my brains for three hours, I decided to write a story about a LCDR in my dad's (new LTJG) 100-man squadron. The LCDR was constantly bumming cigarettes, often full packs, from my dad at work and failing to replace them - my mother complained about it frequently. It even happened when we went to their quarters for dinner one evening. So I wrote up the tale using fake names with the same initials to describe everyone. Unbeknownst to me, my civilian contract teacher was dating an Ensign in the squadron. To maximize his dating time he would help her grade our papers. When he read mine he instantly recognized who was being referenced. The next morning he took the story to work and passed it around. That evening, the LCDR showed up at our quarters with three cartons of cigarettes. My dad chastised me a bit and said, next time, use completely fictional names.

Response by SGT William Howell made Aug 27 at 2015 6:50 AM

SGT William Howell — Thu, 27 Aug 2015 06:50:16 -0400

My BN XO (MAJ) decided he was going to travel with us in Iraq from police station to police station in our AO checking on them. It took about 4 days.

We had one of those trips the first day. 0430 SP time, so a 0330 brief. We get going only to have a flat just before the sun comes up. Of course, the lug nuts are wielded on with the fine silt and it takes an hour of everybody taking turns on cranking to get the tire changed. We make it to the first police station drink some chai and normally we just go on. The Major has to talk for another 2 hours about how he is going to fix the problems. It is total bullshit, since we had been trying to fix the same thing for months and had gotten nowhere. We finally leave and and hour in we find an IED and so we are stuck for 5 hours in the peak of the day in the hot sun. The air con is broke in our truck and the Major has decided we can't even crack the windows for security reasons. So it has to be 130 degrees in this oven of a Humvee. EOD shows up and we are now at about 1800HRS and it is time to find a place to bed down. There was a FOB about 2 hours away, so we headed for it. We then had another tire blow. Then a fan belt went. Now we can only dive like 10 minutes and we have to stop to let it cool down. It took us forever to get to this FOB. We finally get in around 2200 and we are dog tired and we got to do it again at 0330 the next day.

The Major has some report he has to get done. No doubt telling somebody about how he is going to fix shit that we haven't been able to for months. He will not turn out the light in the tent. I finally got sick and tired of this light shining in my face and the constant clicking of a keyboard. I looked at him and said very loudly, "Sir, would you like to watch me jack off?" He looked at me with this expression of not knowing what to say. I was pissed and exhausted. "Then turn off that God damn light!" He did and we finally got to get some sleep. I got a talking to the next day, but the guys I worked with thought it was funny.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 27 at 2015 9:18 AM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 27 Aug 2015 09:18:08 -0400

There were a few individuals that didn't appreciate my gifts of desitin (for the butthurt) and straws (so they could suck their feelings up) when their feelings were hurt.

Response by SGT Bryon Sergent made Aug 27 at 2015 10:41 AM

SGT Bryon Sergent — Thu, 27 Aug 2015 10:41:15 -0400

As the older guys will remember the older radios where called PRC's "prick" radios. Well out on AT one year in FT. Stewart we had some shenanigans. I was the RTO for the platoon. This young private come walking up to my M113 and says " Specialist, SSG Smith said he needed a prick E-4 battery for his radio." That's fine tell SSG Smith that I need the Prick E-6 battery that he has to get a replacement. The little private runs off. Comes back carrying the PRC 52 battery. Private states " SSG Smith say to give this to the Specialist and that he needs to have His prick E-4 now" Well here is where it gets interesting. My PSGT was at the sand table preparing for a OP order brief to the commander. Its an hour off. I send this letter Private to SFC Robinson to get see if he has any Prick E-7 batteries. Normally SFC Robinson is a good guy and would Have sent him on to the First Sergeant. Well the Little private comes running back up the hill. Say SFC Robinson wants SSG Smith and myself at the sand table like yesterday. so I grab my gear and head down the Hill. When I get there I see SFC Robinson through the trees. as I round the outcropping of trees the tent is full. Brigade Commander all the way down to the First Sergeant. While SFC Robinson is still speaking Top gets up and come and gets the both of us. He then begins to tell this story. Your little shenanigans got a chuckle out of the SGM. The young private came down the hill stood at parade rest and waited till SFC Robinson acknowledged him. saying what do you need. Right in front of everyone and with out missing a beat " SSG Smith and Specialist Sergent sent me here to see if you had any Prick E-7 batteries that needed replaced." Top said that the Brigade Commander and SMG major both laughed out loud. and the BN Commander and SGM put there hands over the mouths stifling a laugh. Top said the commander was pissed and that He would let SFC Robinson deal with us.
Well after pushing for what seemed for ever and cleaning the sand table up and tearing down a GP Medium by ourselves the SGM congratulated us because we actually had the balls to do it, and it was funny as hell, and SFC Robinson Laughed at it the next day after he cooled off!

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 27 at 2015 11:38 AM

CW3 Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 27 Aug 2015 11:38:17 -0400

Back when I was the unit S-6 working for the S-3 (a MAJ), she was complaining about writing OERs vs. writing NCOERs. She talked about how you had to write a narrative, and she was going to go sit in her office and think until inspiration hit....and I could not stop myself...I asked her "Shouldn't you ought to get a helmet?"...."For what?"....."For when inspiration hits".

She dropped me for 10. I did 15 anyway because I had it coming for that one.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 27 at 2015 11:54 AM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Thu, 27 Aug 2015 11:54:13 -0400

I have no humor.

Response by SGT Jeremiah B. made Aug 27 at 2015 1:38 PM

SGT Jeremiah B. — Thu, 27 Aug 2015 13:38:31 -0400

All the damn time. Did you know that the civilian world gets really uncomfortable with joking threats of extreme violence? *sigh*

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 28 at 2015 9:13 AM

Capt Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 28 Aug 2015 09:13:48 -0400

Sense of humor? What's that?

Response by SGT Michael Glenn made Aug 28 at 2015 7:52 PM

SGT Michael Glenn — Fri, 28 Aug 2015 19:52:27 -0400

Where do I begin??? I have done everything from taping a soldier to his chair at BNCOC and tossing him out the door in front of cadre, to 550 cording a SGT into his hammock/fart sack and tossing him down a slope making him sleep inverted leaning on a chain link fence all night to making several of my Command ( all the way to Post Commander) throw their arms up and have to excuse themselves because they couldnt maintain a straight face. If you didnt have moments like these while on active duty.... You my friend have never lived!!!! I got the living crap beat out of me in 86 while pulling fireguard. I had just watched Star wars with some of my friends and had bought a battery powered UZI MG, wrapped up in the ole green wool blanket, donned my pro mask, and had a black hat on that resembled a KKK Hood along with a road guard flashlight for a light saber. A group of blacks were playing cards in a room void of everything but a table, chairs and a little light dangling from the ceiling directly over the table. I snuck as close as I could and was gonna rush in wielding my flashlight and Uzi... but one of them saw me before I reached my goal... His eyes flew open and I thought they would plop on the floor, he screamed, launched himself backwards and was sprawling on the floor trying to flee when the others saw me. It looked like a scene out of a horror film as they tried to climb over themselves and it was at that point I began to realize it probably wasnt a good thing what I had just done!!! A few of them managed to regroup and circle behind me and tackled me throwing me to the floor. The next thing I know I had 5 million of them( ok it was only 5-6) pounding the crap out of me. I was Yelling the whole time that it was me and one finally said " Glenn!!! Is that you??? Damn man... your in for it now!""" They went easier on me after that but I still got my butt whooped!!! I saw one of them years later In Germany and thats the 1st thing he remembered when he saw me...The Darth Vader that got his ass whooped !!!!

Response by SGT Jerrold Pesz made Aug 28 at 2015 8:03 PM

SGT Jerrold Pesz — Fri, 28 Aug 2015 20:03:40 -0400

I was never issued one.

Response by SrA Matthew Knight made Aug 28 at 2015 8:30 PM

SrA Matthew Knight — Fri, 28 Aug 2015 20:30:38 -0400

Sort of. At my last base we had what was called a QC log. If the forecaster before you made any errors that you had to fix or anything like that you would write them up in the log. If there was no errors however, then you would just put No Errors Noted or something of that nature. I started to progressively write more and more humorous or completely irrelevant comments in because no one usually read them other than one of our LTs who got a kick out of them and some of the other Airmen. Then one week the Major in our squadron was on the Senior Duty desk and was flipping through them. I didn't get paperwork or anything but he left an additional remark on one stating that QC entries were to remain relevant and professional from then on. Someone didn't have quite as much of a sense of humor as most of us.

Response by SSG (ret) William Martin made Aug 28 at 2015 11:26 PM

SSG (ret) William Martin — Fri, 28 Aug 2015 23:26:28 -0400

Humor is medicine for the weary and the stressed. There is time for it and a time not to be funny but sometimes, it happens.

Response by SPC James Burkett II made Aug 29 at 2015 5:38 AM

SPC James Burkett II — Sat, 29 Aug 2015 05:38:49 -0400

CH (MAJ) Thomas Conner I get in trouble all the time for jokes... me and my battle convinced our Section Sargent I was arrested one time... was not prettty lol.

Response by Capt Jeff S. made Aug 30 at 2015 3:40 AM

Capt Jeff S. — Sun, 30 Aug 2015 03:40:29 -0400

Yes. Was working on a TACAN that a pilot had griped as inoperative and brought over to us. He bypassed his technicians and wrote up the paperwork himself, which struck me as odd. When I ran it up on the test bench, it worked like a champ; there was nothing wrong with it. I didn't want to A-799 it (a code which flags the equipment as incorrectly griped defective to Maintenance Control and makes the Avionics techs at the Squadron look bad), so for corrective action I wrote, "Fixed short between pilot's headsets. RFI IAW NAVAIR 16-30 ARN-52-9."

When Production Control saw the paperwork, they got a little bit nervous and didn't want anyone jumping on them, so they called my SNCOIC in and asked him to tell me to fix the paperwork. My SNCOIC came back to me, called me aside and let me know in so many words that it won't happen again. He was half laughing and half mad that I did that. I didn't get a harsh reprimand but more of a gentle warning... which would have consequences IF I did it again.