Has anyone on RP ever had to make the decision to pull the plug? How were you able to make the decision?

2015-11-16T16:30:15-05:00

So I'm at the hospital. Just had a meeting with Henry's doctor's who all feel it's is in Henry's best interest for me to sign a DNR. At first I Agreed to it but I've asked them to hold off.

Then I went and saw Henry. I told him that he wasn't ever going to get better and the machines are the only thing that's going to keep him alive ...... .and the machines can keep them alive for a while but did he want to live like that or did he want to go be with God and I asked him again and he teared up and his face turned red and tears were streaming down his face.....and it's plain to see he's scared.....

I don't know what to do I need some input from everyone.

Please give me your thoughts or experiences.

Thank you

Response by SFC Stephen King made Nov 16 at 2015 4:36 PM

2015-11-16T16:36:40-05:00

Sgt Kelli Mays I can't begin to understand the stress you are experiencing.

I have had this conversation with my Wife and we agree that we will not be kept alive by machines. It comes down to the body and the soul.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 16 at 2015 4:39 PM

2015-11-16T16:39:17-05:00

In March my father passed away. He was kept alive on life support system for a few days. The doctors told my mother and I, that the only thing that was keeping him alive was the machines and he was basically already dead. So my mother asking me what we should do I told her that it was a very hard decision and it was her husband so she was the one that needed to make final choice. But I knew my father would not want to be kept alive on life support systems and to see him laying there was very sad. So we made the choice to let him go, to be with his mother, father, sister and god.
I wish you the best luck with your decision that you make.

Response by SPC Charles Griffith made Nov 16 at 2015 4:42 PM

2015-11-16T16:42:24-05:00

So sorry you are in this position. I first want you to know that you will be in my prayers and secondly that only you can make this decision for your loved one. That being said I do pray for you Gods care and comfort and his grace be with you during this time of grief.

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 16 at 2015 4:50 PM

2015-11-16T16:50:02-05:00

Tough time, Kellie. My Mom was in this place. She said no to machines if it came to that.

So, my brother and I relayed her wishes. The Doctor kept asking her until she said okay to the machines. Later that night she was eating a full supper. She had a heart attack soon after and spent the last year of her life in a nursing home.

All I will say, is what ever you decide do not second guess it later. Do the best to do what you think Henry wants. and God Bless.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 16 at 2015 4:51 PM

2015-11-16T16:51:20-05:00

Sgt Kelli Mays I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 16 at 2015 5:06 PM

2015-11-16T17:06:52-05:00

After 2 years of working on a Med/Surg ward in Germany, and seeing what my mom went thru....here are my thoughts:

The machines are keeping him alive, but what kind of quality of life will he have while hooked up? After you saying he teared up and is scared, but couldn't really answer the question verbally, is he able to write yes or no? If he is, ask him again with several people present and have him write his answer.

If this were you, what would you have want done?

Me personally, I would want someone to pull the plug.

Either way, I do not envy you your situation and the decision you have to make.

Response by MCPO Roger Collins made Nov 16 at 2015 5:13 PM

2015-11-16T17:13:15-05:00

Really sympathize with you on this. All my documents are signed so no family member has to make such a difficult decision.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Nov 16 at 2015 5:34 PM

2015-11-16T17:34:53-05:00

He has to make peace with his maker. Surround his room with pictures and buy balloons for him sometimes. You have to be strong for him to find confidence.

Response by SSG Ed Mikus made Nov 16 at 2015 5:45 PM

2015-11-16T17:45:42-05:00

Going to start with a backstory in high school my friend of mine moved in my parents adopted him he lived with us for 3 years. The summer almost 20 years later he got in a motorcycle accident landed on his head without a helmet on his birth mother had to make the decision to pull the plug. The story was quite a bit different from yours as Scott was in a coma and had serious brain damage. We kept him on life support for a month and a half did the do not resuscitate before they began trying to wean him off of life support he had very little chance of making it and he did not make it but this was still a very hard long fought decision and there are still many members in the family that are very upset that he was not left on life support for years even though had he survived he would have been unable to function. The most comforting thing we were able to conclude is that it's what Scott would have wanted he would not have wanted to live in the manner in which you would have lived head he survived or Been pulled through by machines and left in the hospital.

However, in your situation, I would try to find a way, as at least one of the post I read said, to bring peace to him make help him become ready because if that's what's coming then readiness is what's going to make that comfortable for him. The hospital should have services and counselors that can point you in the right direction, religious leaders other people can help, having family around helping him bring closure to things in his life is what we do for the elderly in my family. I wish you the best and pray for you all this is truly a difficult and trying event.

Response by Capt Mark Strobl made Nov 16 at 2015 6:04 PM

2015-11-16T18:04:49-05:00

Questions like this force us all to calibrate our moral compasses. God calls us when He is ready. Prayers to you and Henry.

Response by Capt Seid Waddell made Nov 16 at 2015 6:18 PM

2015-11-16T18:18:44-05:00

My mother was a nurse and said that she didn't want extraordinary measures to keep her alive, but when the time came she changed her mind. We had family around her 24/7 to keep her company and to advocate for her with the hospital staff. She passed naturally after about a month. I tell myself that I would have signed a DNR if that was what she really wanted, but I am glad that I was never put into the position of having to do so.

My mother-in-law lived with us for the last ten years of her life, but she did not want to live at the end. My wife signed her DNR and we had it posted in our home so that the Hospice people knew.

It is a tough position to be in. God Bless.

Response by SN Greg Wright made Nov 16 at 2015 7:47 PM

2015-11-16T19:47:37-05:00

Sgt Kelli Mays Ahh, Kelli. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I can't offer insight because I've never been in this situation, but my thoughts and support are with you.

Response by SSG Gerhard S. made Nov 16 at 2015 8:05 PM

2015-11-16T20:05:25-05:00

I would recommend getting in touch with a Hospice organization for help with this decision. They have experienced Nurses, Counselors, pastors, and social workers to help you fill the best thing for your loved one. They were very helpful when my mother was in her last months.
Best wishes to you in this difficult time.

Response by CW5 Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 16 at 2015 8:19 PM

2015-11-16T20:19:06-05:00

I'm very sorry, Sgt Kelli Mays, that you are having to ask this question and make this tough decision. My ex-wife and I had to make a similar decision. It was "easier" (It's never easy!) ... because our daughter was essentially brain dead and she was completely non-responsive. It was only the machines that kept her alive and there was no hope. I had the luxury of being able to talk to my cousin who is a neuro-surgeon. He cried with me and advised me to "pull the plug" because all hope was lost.

I wish you peace with your decision.

Response by CMSgt James Nolan made Nov 16 at 2015 11:09 PM

2015-11-16T23:09:04-05:00

Sgt Kelli Mays WOW, thank you for sharing your hardship. I can only say this. I have my beliefs, I do not push them on anyone. I will say a prayer for you and Henry as you face this. God Bless.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 16 at 2015 11:17 PM

2015-11-16T23:17:47-05:00

Our family just had to make this decision in September for our mother. She had a stroke started to recover then had multiple strokes while in ICU. She wasn't responding any more and would need to be on a ventilator and feeding tube and transferred to a nursing home. My son a respiratory therapist and my niece who is an RN both said it wouldn't be a very good quality of life. We choose to remove the life support and she passed. Very hard decision to make but was best for mom. We knew she wouldn't want to live that way. I'm very sorry you are in this situation and wish and pray all the best for you and your family.

Response by PO2 Wesley Wilson made Nov 17 at 2015 12:56 AM

2015-11-17T00:56:26-05:00

Sgt Kelli Mays My heart goes out to you. I will share with you my experience, My mother was diagnosed with cancer and we sought treatment in all avenues. It was soon apparent that the cancer was to advanced and her time with us was limited. I found my self praying for a miracle. As weeks and months passed and she was in pain and her quality of life began to decline the DNR was signed. Her decline was rapid and I was trying to find the words to tell the person that has always been there for me how proud I was of her and how much I loved her. I found my self no longer praying for a miracle recovery, but for her to pass and the suffering to end. I can say when she died she was ready and I was actually happy that she was no longer suffering.

I know that you will be able to do what is right for Henry, let him know that you will be ok, rejoice in the time you has and remember the sadness you fell is a measure of the love you have. God bless you. I will pray for guidance for you.

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made Nov 23 at 2015 8:15 PM

2015-11-23T20:15:05-05:00

Yep. Father asked a lot time ago that no extraordinary measure be taken and I had no problem telling the Nurse to not code him when he went. Do it again in a Heartbeat. He was a very social and active man and after 6 mos with CMT I thought it only fair and decent thing to do.