Has anyone ever had a family member throw your uniforms and military belongings in the trash? I need to know how I should approach this.

SSG Angela Valtierra — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 18:45:40 -0400

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 8 at 2014 6:47 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 18:47:57 -0400

NO!! Why would someone want to do that? I see you are a veteran.... Was the military a bad experience for your family?

Response by COL Randall C. made Jul 8 at 2014 7:03 PM

COL Randall C. — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 19:03:13 -0400

I had it happen by accident, but they never did it on purpose. Did your family member do it consciously and did they know they had meaning to you?

If your question about how to approach is how do you let that family member know, an open and direct conversation probably would be your best best. If that person did it specifically to hurt you, then that's an entirely different situation.

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made Jul 8 at 2014 7:14 PM

PO1 William "Chip" Nagel — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 19:14:43 -0400

Getting ready to move and I will probably pitch mine since there is no way in hell I will ever fit in them again. 160 lbs when I retired 210 now.

Response by Cpl Donald Cunningham made Jul 8 at 2014 8:48 PM

Cpl Donald Cunningham — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 20:48:25 -0400

as a service member who was forced out because of medical reasons i would have flipped out. i have learned that civilians cant handle the treatment i used to give my Marines so i have calmed down some but that is something every service member has earned if u want to get raid of them then that's on you not some civilian who has never worn the uniform that's just how i see it

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made Jul 8 at 2014 8:58 PM

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 20:58:06 -0400

Not uniforms, but my desk. The day we left Dix for Iraq, my wife pulled my nice surplus metal desk apart and hauled it out to the curb at 0-dark thirty. Our neighbor got out of bed to find out what was going on when he heard the metal dragging down the driveway.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 8 at 2014 9:27 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 21:27:30 -0400

My ex threw away all my coins, my precious coins, I was beside myself. Then the voice of reason stepped in and said "you can't fix stupid", you're right, so I divorced stupid.

Response by LCpl Steve Wininger made Jul 8 at 2014 10:45 PM

LCpl Steve Wininger — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 22:45:08 -0400

My first wife would throw anything she could get hold of, fortunately, I kept those items secure.

My second wife emptied the house while I was at work, but had I not lost everything I had in a house fire, i am sure she would have strung it over the yard as an exclamation point.

Although me and my current wife are having major problems, she would never do something like that.

Response by CW5 Sam R. Baker made Jul 9 at 2014 1:55 PM

CW5 Sam R. Baker — Wed, 09 Jul 2014 13:55:43 -0400

There is this thing we warrants and I assume other ranks like to have: An "I LOVE ME" book! I used to place my awards in frames on the wall, but then after years I had to much "I love me" stuff on the walls when I had kids pictures to put up. Hence the "I Love Me" book and every copy of PCS orders, OER, School certificate, and so on. Got the picture by now I assume, well one day after a light telephonic disagreement with HH06, I came home to a child who ran to the car and said, "Daddy, your book is broken and torn up". I had no idea what she was talking about till I walked in and found my book with all my awards ripped from one end of the bedroom to the other. Every Air Medal certificate ripped into little pieces. I felt sick that anyone would do that. I harbor to this very day the frustration and disappointment in that situation.

It is up to us, in this case you, to decide how you are going to deal with it. For the life of me, I wish as adults that when the heat is in the kitchen, folks could separate, cool down and then come to the table with their damn minds in the right frame and communicate as adults. However, we all know that sometimes is not the case. You only control yourself, no one else, and when others are surfing the bottom of the ocean, don't jump in there and swim with them, stay on the shore until they come out!

Response by SSG Jason Neumann made Jul 12 at 2014 2:41 AM

SSG Jason Neumann — Sat, 12 Jul 2014 02:41:47 -0400

No, not yet.... I have always kept my gear in locked boxes and too heavy/ many to lift by one person. I would have to think, they had some audacity to take something that wasn't theirs, over a long period of time, especially military gear, and throw it away or to the curb. Luckily, in today's technological ways, I have almost completely digitize my records of courses, awards and whatnot. But, sometimes you gotta play with fire and get even..... throw something they liked away..... but that wouldn't solve anything.... still would be refreshing though.... almost like a day at the range shooting is therapeutic....

Response by SSG Mike Angelo made Jul 12 at 2014 7:41 PM

SSG Mike Angelo — Sat, 12 Jul 2014 19:41:09 -0400

SSG Angela,

These are difficult decisions. It has happened. I did get upset, but more importantly what has been done cannot be undone. Or can it?

For me, it boils down to what I can live with and what I cannot live with. Everybody is different.

Let it go. This is my best answer.

Response by CW5 Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 3 at 2014 6:00 PM

CW5 Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 18:00:31 -0400

My family is very proud of my military service, so this is completely foreign to me. I'm guessing there was some animosity towards something the military "did" to you? This week a colleague was getting promoted to CW5, so I gave him my W5 shoulder boards. My wife didn't like that I was doing that. Very supportive. The opposite of what you described, SSG Angela Valtierra. Sorry to hear you are (or were) experiencing that.

Response by SPC David S. made Oct 3 at 2014 11:05 PM

SPC David S. — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 23:05:41 -0400

Well that sucks. It sounds like your dad is trying to emotionally let go of something. He's seems to be manifesting his feelings and letting go by tossing out your stuff. Very much like how some people tend to hang on to stuff after they lose someone. Your stuff represents an emotion that you father is trying to let go of. Maybe its the idea of being your protector not sure only your father knows. However I would suggest that you have a conversation about this with him as keeping this bottled up will only help to harbor resentment. Find it in your heart to forgive him and just let him know with words that you love him.

Response by Cpl Dennis F. made Oct 4 at 2014 1:08 AM

Cpl Dennis F. — Sat, 04 Oct 2014 01:08:30 -0400

Set fire to their car!.....Oooops did I say that?

Response by SSG William Patton made Oct 4 at 2014 12:44 PM

SSG William Patton — Sat, 04 Oct 2014 12:44:28 -0400

SSG, you found your answer in a later post when you said you would ultimately forgive your dad for trashing your military memories. I agree it is a sign of disrespect for you both as a daughter and a member of our military and he should have respected your belongings. Now it is a moot point. You have two choices, harbor animosity against him and hurt your family, or take the high road and forgive him, which you have said you would eventually do. I am not siding with your father, but I may be able to offer some perspective. He is a WWII vet and probably, like me, have old fashioned views of women in the military and in danger. It is how we were socialized as boys. We were taught to protect women and keep them from danger. I recall when I was about 8 a mechanic was trying to hit on my mother when my dad was on the road. I was all over him and eventually, the police intervened and arrested him for trying to assault my mom. Times have changed, but many attitudes for us old timers have not. He may harbor ill feelings about you being in harm's way, which goes against how he was socialized. Throwing your things away keeps reminders out of sight and out of mind.

Response by SPC James Mcneil made Oct 5 at 2014 3:12 PM

SPC James Mcneil — Sun, 05 Oct 2014 15:12:16 -0400

I was furious when this happened to me. Considering the way I handled it, I doubt I'd be a good role model though.

Response by 1SG Frank Boynton made Oct 13 at 2014 4:25 PM

1SG Frank Boynton — Mon, 13 Oct 2014 16:25:04 -0400

Actually quite the opposite. When I retired in 1992 I was ready to throw everything away. My uniforms, I had a complete set of TA-50, a couple ruck sacks, both large and medium. My gortex rain suits, a flight jacket, and tanker jacket I'd collected over the course of my career. I have 3 daughters who stole everything from me and hid the stuff. I did sell off a bunch of my BDU's at a garage sale, but everything else was hidden away. They considered those items as part of my legacy and they've kept them hidden from me.

If you have sentimental keepsakes you need to let them know not to touch your stuff or lock them up like in a foot locker and store it away so they can’t get to them. It’s a very inconsiderate person who would throw something away that belongs to another person.

Response by Cpl Heath Johnson made Oct 16 at 2014 6:24 AM

Cpl Heath Johnson — Thu, 16 Oct 2014 06:24:54 -0400

Brute force. The only acceptable approach...

Response by PO2 Rocky Kleeger made Oct 23 at 2014 12:05 AM

PO2 Rocky Kleeger — Thu, 23 Oct 2014 00:05:34 -0400

My dad likes to throw stuff out. After the earthquake, my wife and I had to move back in with my parents. I was in the Reserves at the time. I come home from my civilian job to find all my military stuff in bags - they were hung up in the closet. He told me to go through and pick out what I wanted. I informed him that if he ever went through my stuff like that again, he would not be happy

Response by SSG Robin Rushlo made Dec 18 at 2014 11:23 AM

SSG Robin Rushlo — Thu, 18 Dec 2014 11:23:28 -0500

Yes My ex did that while we ere still Married and I was PCSed to a new Post. She was not coming and filed for the divorce. So when My house hold good got to the new place it was just three boxes of junk.

I ended up filing a police report and she got 1 year in jail, not long enough but close to my pound of flesh.

Response by SSG Tim Everett made Dec 18 at 2014 11:31 AM

SSG Tim Everett — Thu, 18 Dec 2014 11:31:00 -0500

No one in my family would dare -- I'm (at the very least) a fifth-generation soldier. Even though my family has some anti-war hippies, they're respectful of military service.

Response by SPC Donald Moore made Dec 18 at 2014 12:36 PM

SPC Donald Moore — Thu, 18 Dec 2014 12:36:55 -0500

If they knew how much the possessions meant to you, there is no excuse for discarding them.
This is an action that indicates their total disregard for your emotional state.
Even if they didn't understand the sentimental value, it is hard to understand.

The thing I have run into with my mom is that she has the idea that if she has it, it must be hers to do what she wants with.

Response by SGT Charles Vernier made Dec 18 at 2014 1:42 PM

SGT Charles Vernier — Thu, 18 Dec 2014 13:42:53 -0500

Any photos that my ex got her hands on are gone...