Fighting with the Public School System - Advice?

2015-04-20T13:04:19-04:00

I don't know if this is the best place to post this, but I am looking for any advice. My (soon to be) step son has ADHD, Bi-polar, and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. He is also on the Autism spectrum, and has toilet problems. Since day one the school system that he is in has not taken a liking to any of his issues. They don't even have an IEP for him, stating that it is not needed. Just a few weeks ago he was wrongfully restrained for his behavior though the school nurse testified that he showed no signs of danger to anyone or himself. He was taken out of class during a class project that he very much looked forward to so he could attempt to go potty. He was deeply hurt that he couldn't be apart of this, so he broke down in the hallway, and refused to talk, or cooperate. They literally dragged him to the office, during the whole time he was screaming "mommy" at the top of his lungs. When my fiancee got to the school after being called, she could hear him screaming outside the school. She had to almost break down the door to get in. When she arrived three women had him on the ground holding his arms, and legs. She took him in her arms, in which he immediately calmed down. Why did they go to this extreme? Why did they not just wait till after the project? They try to get him to go EVERY HOUR even if he has already gone. That is just excessive. Do they not realize how damaging it can be to isolate a child like that? Because of these issues (all of which we have pleaded from the school for help at home) instead of recommending a certified psychiatrist, or family counselor, they reported my fiancee to DCFS. A DCFS caseworker came out to her work, and only seen her for ten minutes. Didn't even stop by our home to see the kids. She only came out once, and three weeks later my fiancee gets a letter in the mail stating that she has been indicted for child abuse on the grounds of that her "mental health" poses a risk to our children. There is nothing even wrong with her. All she did was ask for help. So far the school has refused to give us a full report of the incident. We are now dealing with an unknown organization who is supposed to be our "help", yet they make threats to us. We are thinking about getting a lawyer to appeal the indictment, but not sure how to go about it, and also asking the police to get a report on the incident. We are not sure what to do. We feel like the school is doing everything to fight against us, because they don't know how to handle children with issues (We live in a small town). We have are backs against the wall, and fear that our children will eventually be taken away from us over the principal's arrogance. This isn't the first time she has tried to get us in trouble, but that is another story.

Response by SPC David S. made Apr 20 at 2015 1:27 PM

2015-04-20T13:27:16-04:00

Get a lawyer. This is a very serious allegation that you do not want to take likely. There are many mothers and fathers that are bi-polar who successfully raise their children and for the most part enjoy a productive life. Get a lawyer and have them look over the indictment. There has to be a cause or evidence I would think needed to support such a case.

Response by Capt Richard I P. made Apr 20 at 2015 1:32 PM

2015-04-20T13:32:20-04:00

This sounds like a very challenging situation. If homeschooling or private schooling is not an option economically you've got a lot of research ahead of you. I would deal with the danger first: the "DCFS" (child services?) appears to be the threat in terms of possible loss of custody. Secondary would be the school.

I think you need to find an advocacy and support group first and foremost. Find someone who helps kids with these challenges and families who deal with them, leverage their experience in proceeding.

Maintain a risk-aversion mindset, not a vengeance mindset. The school may have done wrong with how they handled the situation but that is past, the focus needs to be on getting the kid the support he needs.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 20 at 2015 1:59 PM

2015-04-20T13:59:13-04:00

I second the motion to get legal council. Feel free to email me your concerns. I have a family member who may be able to "point you in the right direction" as he deals with abused children for the state of GA. I'm no expert, but I do know he could likely get you some solid advice. [login to see]

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 20 at 2015 2:09 PM

2015-04-20T14:09:10-04:00

I know in California, that child would be in Special Education and would have an IEP. IM sure similiar in other states. If they dont have an IEP you have a case right there. I would definitely get a lawyer if you cant reason with the school district.

Response by Lt Col Jim Coe made Apr 20 at 2015 2:51 PM

2015-04-20T14:51:08-04:00

Two ideas:
Get legal assistance
Find out how local school board works. Some have time during their meetings when citizens can speak. Some have military liaisons on the board. You may be able to put the situation in front of the board. Know the facts and come with recommendations. If you want to see the school administration answer for their behavior, then go to the board.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 20 at 2015 6:20 PM

2015-04-20T18:20:22-04:00

Give me a call. [login to see] I have some solid advice! Just got off the phone with my cousin who handles these situations on a daily basis. This way I can also get more insight on the situation and guide you and your spouse in this difficult situation. Furthermore, note that since the two of you are not yet married (in some states even non-biological parents have issues) they may not be willing and are not obligated to share any information directly with you.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 20 at 2015 8:04 PM

2015-04-20T20:04:30-04:00

SGT Private RallyPoint Member, it sounds like your school district is trying to have it both ways, denying that your student is in need of an IEP (most likely for the fears of the costs associated with acknowledging that an IEP is necessary) and yet applying what are now regarded as extreme, last-resort control measures of bodily restraint. As SFC Jerry Crouch, Ed.D. indicated, I work in special education, Autism Spectrum Disorders is my specific area of concentration.

The problems you are describing are not uncommon to families with students of special needs living in smaller districts, unfortunately. I am going to shoot you a connection request so that we may discuss this further in private. Please let me know what state you are in, and whether or not your student has had an IEP in the past. This will better help me connect you with the right resources that can better assist you in this fight.

Paul E. Hoiland
MAJ, MP
USAR

RallyPoint Admin

Response by Pat McCracken made Oct 3 at 2016 9:30 PM

2016-10-03T21:30:18-04:00

Sir, I'm in my 30th year of education in Missouri, and 5 of those years were as a principal of an elementary school. I understand that educational laws may differ state to state. My first piece of advice is to hire an attorney to look into this matter and fight the DFS indictment. Your child has rights. Parents have rights. By law, a public school must give you access to your child's records, academic and behavioral. Additionally, if your child receives any special education services, he is required by law to have an IEP that must be adhered to by anyone working with your child during the day. Additionally, if you have not done so already, contact the school board and file a complaint. You might even file a complaint with the State Department of Education in your state. This infuriates me. No child should be treated as you have described. My prayers will be with you. You don't know me from Adam, but I hope you will give an update from time to time. Hug your sweet boy for me.