Family and Leadership. How do you deal or handle it.

MSG Sommer Brown — Sun, 12 Oct 2014 11:48:27 -0400

How do others deal with the fine line of being a family member to another Soldier not in your command and as a Senior Leader who knows you would never let your Soldiers get away with the things your family member talks about doing. Here is an example: I recently found out that a Soldier took a hammer to a friends, while he was drunk and told his friend to hit his toe hard, so that he didn't have to take the APFT. My first response was pure anger, seeing red. My second response was what an idiot. My third response was these are the type of Soldiers we are entrusting now and all that anger turned to pure sadness and tears. I felt helpless. As a family member, sometimes sticking your nose into their business causes a lot of conflict within a family. As a Senior Leader you want to treat them as any other Soldier. I don't know what to do. I am honestly disgusted. What do others do to handle this???

Response by 1LT William Clardy made Oct 12 at 2014 12:02 PM

1LT William Clardy — Sun, 12 Oct 2014 12:02:36 -0400

That's a tough one, Sarge.

I'm boldly presuming that you are disinclined to pick a fight with your spouse over his friends' misconduct, but I'm an ornery cuss on some subjects and this would be one where I'd (at the least) explicitly ask my enlisted love to please, please reassure me that they didn't and don't condone that sort of misconduct.

Response by 1SG Chris Brown made Oct 12 at 2014 12:09 PM

1SG Chris Brown — Sun, 12 Oct 2014 12:09:55 -0400

OK, um, WTF?! I think my first couple responses would have been the same as yours...anger, disbelief. Sometimes you just have to wonder what kind of idiots we have running around (not just in the military) our society and hope that they don't influence others to act like them. I think if my family member had Soldiers like that, I'd ask her what she or her chain of command was doing about it. If the answer is nothing, I think I'd ask that particular family member not to discuss that kind of stuff with me as I don't want to know about commands taking no action in the face of this idiotic stunt. Hopefully something was done to that Soldier for deliberately causing harm to himself and purposely avoiding an APFT. Can't fix stupid. But maybe we can show stupid the door out of our military!

Response by SFC(P) Tobias M. made Oct 15 at 2014 9:13 AM

SFC(P) Tobias M. — Wed, 15 Oct 2014 09:13:46 -0400

This happens a lot. My wife is an E5 and is dealing with stupid stuff all the time. We have come to an understanding that if she doesn't want me to try and fix it she either will not tell me about it or start with " I just need to know what you would do or think about something " this makes it easier for us to keep us to an understanding. I know so many people in the guard due to the time I worked at the USPFO so I know that I can help if it is really needed.

Response by MSG Danny Mathers made Jun 15 at 2018 4:59 PM

MSG Danny Mathers — Fri, 15 Jun 2018 16:59:17 -0400

The best way to keep family peace is to stay out of their business. A Soildier not in your support channel is not your responsibility. I once had a family member that was not fit for service. I kept my mouth shut and let him take responsibility for his own actions. I once had a Soldier that was a barracks lawyer because his father was a 1SG. The private ended up with a Aricle 15 and his dad wanted to talk with me. I showed his father a stack of counseling statements and a copy of his AR-15. The 1SG asked to borrow an office, I heard a few bangs and that was it for a while. Several months later his dad was a SGM and came to take his son to the airport with a black eye. The CO chaptered him out! That situation is most likely not like yours but you have your duties. Take care of your own troops and let your family member be administered by his/her chain of command.

Response by SGT David Wyatt made Jun 19 at 2018 9:37 PM

SGT David Wyatt — Tue, 19 Jun 2018 21:37:40 -0400

not your troop not your business married or not talking out of school is unprofessional would your spouse tell anyone else who has no business knowing about her/his troops