Do you take your military mindset out on your family? Does it help or not. What traditions do you bring home to the family??

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 03 Feb 2016 13:53:48 -0500

My Spouse says that I need to lighten off the military mindset sometimes. I bring too much of work home with me. Without being particular, do you think that having a military mindset at home, brings together a more resilient family when changes arrive? What obstacles have you overcome?

Response by LTC Stephen F. made Feb 3 at 2016 1:59 PM

LTC Stephen F. — Wed, 03 Feb 2016 13:59:50 -0500

I did my best not to over the years SSG Private RallyPoint Member. Sometimes It was more challenging than others to separate military duty requirements from family life. Unfortunately the most difficult times where when my sons were very young.
By the grace of God I changed before it was too late. Now i have a great relationship with my adult sons. One of teh most important things I learned was to ensure my sons knew they wee loved by both parents. I learned to listen more and speak less which yielded many benefits and helped to temper my responses.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 3 at 2016 2:05 PM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 03 Feb 2016 14:05:11 -0500

My wife jokes about "The Commander" showing up from time to time...but she sometimes adds that she's glad he does.

Response by SSG Audwin Scott made Feb 3 at 2016 2:29 PM

SSG Audwin Scott — Wed, 03 Feb 2016 14:29:05 -0500

I use to but since I have been retired almost 10 yrs now I keep it civil.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 3 at 2016 2:35 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 03 Feb 2016 14:35:56 -0500

I try to instill the Army values in my kids. I don't test my family like troops though because they are not.

Response by Lt Col Scott Shuttleworth made Feb 3 at 2016 3:29 PM

Lt Col Scott Shuttleworth — Wed, 03 Feb 2016 15:29:53 -0500

My wife and I believe in structure and accountability. Everyone in our house has duties...loading/unloading dishwasher, cooking, cleaning, ironing, cutting grass etc., whatever needs to be done. We hold each other accountable to what we are supposed to do so that it frees up time for us to do other things together as a family. I think structure is a good thing...I see kids that my daughter goes to school with and they have been given everything in the life since they were on their mama but discipline...no respect for others or themselves. Everything is about them with no regard for helping someone else.

I was somewhat throttled back and humbled when I came home one time shortly after being married and said something to my wife in a work tone of voice and she stated very clearly that she didn't work for me and if I needed to vent that way to go back to the office. She then followed it up by stating, no matter what rank I attained, she was the next one higher. Worked for us ever since!

Response by SSG Keith Cashion made Feb 3 at 2016 3:41 PM

SSG Keith Cashion — Wed, 03 Feb 2016 15:41:24 -0500

I had to learn early in my marriage that my wife was not in the Army. My wife is German, and we have been married for 29 years, and trust me, even after retiring 10 years ago...she is still HH6, and doesn't let me forget it. My two children learned about the military brat life, but both grew up with a better work ethic and moral compass. They both married military men, and their husbands have learned, the "Office" stops before you enter the house. My wife works on the same installation, and trust me, rank has doesn't mean anything to her. After all these years, she still couldn't tell you what the rank was. Part of what I learned so long ago, was that when I walked in the door, it wasn't about how my day was, it was about how her day was. Believe me, after taking the time to sit and talk to her about her day, any anger or stress about my day, was for the most part, done and gone.

Now, we have an agreement. When we get home and are preparing dinner we can talk about our day. When we sit down to eat, all conversation about work is done. This in a way is how we connect and stay focused on "us" and the things "we" want to do. The "you" and "I" are done for the day.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 3 at 2016 4:51 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 03 Feb 2016 16:51:45 -0500

While I am all for everyone pulling their own weight to some extent at home, I try to leave work me in the car or office and put that hat back on when I go back to work.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 3 at 2016 5:41 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 03 Feb 2016 17:41:48 -0500

SSG Yax...this is a conversation my wife and I periodically have; whether I am deliberate about it or not, the Army (and the Marines) are part of "who I am", and how I see the world, so its always with me to a certain extent.

I think there are some really good aspects of the military (teamwork, integrity, tenacity) that I share with my kids, but there are also some negative aspects of MY behavior (not necessarily the military) that come home with me that I try to shield them from.

As far as dealing with my wife, I am definitely not "in charge" of the house or my family. There are things she is much better at doing, and things I am better at doing, and we make the majority of large decisions as a team.

Response by PO1 Brian Austin made Feb 3 at 2016 10:15 PM

PO1 Brian Austin — Wed, 03 Feb 2016 22:15:19 -0500

I was always good at separating work from family. Once i got off shift/off the ship it was family time. I would decompress (usually loud music) and do a data dump on the way home. Nothing about work except in general terms i.e. "How was your day? Fine."
I did instill in my kids about personal responsibility, accountability for one's actions, integrity and respect. They always had their schedule of chores to do.
I learned very early on that my wife was CinC House, so never had any real issues there. :)

Response by SrA Matthew Knight made Feb 4 at 2016 2:13 AM

SrA Matthew Knight — Thu, 04 Feb 2016 02:13:46 -0500

I don't have a wife or kids right now and won't until after I am out for sure but I think regardless of whether I am in or out I would never bring work home. Even now I try to leave my 'military' side at the gate. If I am not at work I have no reason to be acting like I am at work. If I act professional or courteous outside of the base it's not because big blue tells me to be that way, it's because I just naturally am that way.

I see no issues with service members who are more strict with their kids, especially when still on AD as you almost have to be. I personally couldn't raise my kids like I was in the military though. As CPT Private RallyPoint Member said, they are your children, not troops. It would be our family and our home, not troops and child boot camp.

Response by SFC Randy Purham made Feb 4 at 2016 5:42 PM

SFC Randy Purham — Thu, 04 Feb 2016 17:42:26 -0500

Front-back-go, front leaning rest, parade rest, and the 30-minuet ranting speech. All work when they want to act crazy. LOL.