Do you feel your military service has made you lose sight of who you really are as a person since or near retirement?

2019-10-10T15:04:36-04:00

I am a little over 18 1/2 years active right now and am looking to retire at 22 years of service. My question is do you feel that you lost yourself as a person while being in the military? Like once you get out if for example you don't talk about military life do you feel you lost the rest of what made you, you? I was just trying to see if anyone nearing retirement or retired have or had these types of thoughts?

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 10 at 2019 3:25 PM

2019-10-10T15:25:34-04:00

SFC Private RallyPoint Member I served four years, but once a Marine, always a Marine. I can offer some perspective about a long career. I spent 33 years working on the Space Shuttle program. Like many of the workers, I put my whole life and soul into the program. I knew years in advance that the program was ending, but it was still a shock when the last Shuttle mission was completed. I retired one month after the last mission, and was out of sorts for a full two years afterwards. You adapt to a changed environment, but it can take time to find the new you. Good luck.

Response by MSgt Michael Smith made Oct 10 at 2019 3:26 PM

2019-10-10T15:26:50-04:00

Absolutely I did. Not only do you feel lost with your life outside the military, I felt lost inside the military. By the time you roll around to 18-19 years, no doubt the military you joined has changed a great deal. For me the mission, values, careers, everything had changed. It wasn't bad change, but it was greatly different from what I came up in.

Then when I retired, I felt lost as a person. I was just starting a new career and life in a world I had never been a part of. People at work acted differently ---a completely different culture. To an extent you will always feel that way. Part of the nature of being a retired military. You chose to get waist-deep in two different swimming pools as opposed to completely submerged in just one. It's not a bad thing.

Response by SFC Michael Hasbun made Oct 10 at 2019 3:40 PM

2019-10-10T15:40:01-04:00

I'm Active Duty in an AC/RC Reserve Battalion. I'll be retiring within 3 years.. As weird as this assignment is, I'm really grateful for it. It's teaching me how to be Michael again, instead of being SFC Hasbun all the time...
I think that's the hard part... We've all been "institutionalized" for most of our adult lives. We've existed in a hierarchy, knowing precisely who we were, what our responsibilities were, expectations of us, all of it has been spelled out in black and white.
Now, you have to be a person. It's not being dictated to us, we have to decide who we are. What our priorities are. Who we are as human beings when rank and tradition are not variables. Not who the Army says you are, but who YOU say you are.
It sounds weird, but I think for many of us, this may be the firrst time really getting to know yourself underneath the Army Mask..

Response by 1SG Steven Imerman made Oct 10 at 2019 3:45 PM

2019-10-10T15:45:14-04:00

I'm just a dumb old country boy from Iowa, but a really think it completed me. It gave me a definite sense of identity, a good feel for my actual capabilities and limitations, the discipline to tough out rough times, the tenacity to complete difficult tasks, and the drive to reach long term goals. A Bible, the things I got out of being in the military, a dog and a couple shotguns, and a couple of fishing rods have seen me through one divorce, one business bankruptcy, and two immediate family deaths with my sanity relatively intact.

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made Oct 10 at 2019 5:43 PM

2019-10-10T17:43:15-04:00

Not really. You will be who you are. Your experiences should allow you to revert to whichever role most suits the situation from your past when working. When dealing with society as a whole you will have to determine how your values fit into that environment. You should be who you are. It is no different than asking someone who has 22 years with a certain work environment or culture how they will, or will they have to adapt. Just my thoughts. Thank you for your service.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Oct 10 at 2019 6:06 PM

2019-10-10T18:06:45-04:00

Veterans often think in a military manner.

Response by PO1 Rick Serviss made Oct 10 at 2019 6:49 PM

2019-10-10T18:49:50-04:00

I know I'm lucky as hell. I loved serving in the Navy and as a civilian I work for the Navy.

Response by Maj Maria Avellaneda made Oct 10 at 2019 8:29 PM

2019-10-10T20:29:56-04:00

No not at all. I feel that the military is a facet in my life but myself is not that Military!

Response by COL David Turk made Oct 10 at 2019 9:40 PM

2019-10-10T21:40:46-04:00

Nope.

Response by SSG Robert Perrotto made Oct 11 at 2019 2:39 AM

2019-10-11T02:39:00-04:00

I would not say lose sight of who I am as a person, but it does effect my interactions with non vets. I do tend to seek out others with shared experiences, like first responders and other veterans, in order to build bonds, but it is not limited to just my service. Camping, fishing, gardening, cooking, books, card games etc etc, are other areas where I have formed bonds with others. In other words, shared Interests also play a role. Talking about military life can be a opening discussion between people, but it should not be the entirety of social interactions with others.

Retirement opened avenues of exploration within myself that my duties and responsibilities while active kept on a back burner, or was curtailed. Look at retirement as an opportunity to develop and explore your non military related interests, you will meet people who also have similar interests, and bonds will form over time.

Hope this helps you, and thank you for your service.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 11 at 2019 7:23 AM

2019-10-11T07:23:29-04:00

If anything, 22 years and counting of dealing with hidebound reactionary groupthink has galvanized my need to really be the hiking kayaking writing nature hippie I was meant to be...

Response by SFC William "Bill" Moore made Oct 11 at 2019 1:06 PM

2019-10-11T13:06:22-04:00

I think it actually defined me. Before joining, I had an idea of what I wanted to be, boy was I wrong! 20+ years gave me the ability to focus on what is really important in life and the ability to ignore those things I cannot change. I have found that I do not have the patience for a lot of the drama my civillian friends and family want to entangle me in. I also embrace the fact that I am considered the hard ass of the family, but, am the first one called when trouble shows up. I have been able to find hobbies that take my mind off of things that rattle around in the back of my mind, and would do it all over, again. Embrace what is coming, focus on yourself, and don't try to make civillians understand you, they won't, so don't loose any sleep over it.