Do you feel that it can be overwhelming to be asked to speak to organizations about your military service or to recieve honors from them?

SFC Joseph James — Fri, 09 Dec 2016 12:51:48 -0500

As a "Wounded Warrior" I keep getting requests, or even demands, to speak at various events or recieve an honor as a veteran. Though I am always honored to recieve the requests, I find myself lately losing all interest in them. It almost seems hollow to keep doing this. I understand that many of us do not get attention and would only continue to do it for us all. So what do you think?

Response by SGT Dave Tracy made Dec 9 at 2016 1:51 PM

SGT Dave Tracy — Fri, 09 Dec 2016 13:51:08 -0500

"...to thine own self be true", this cat named Shakespeare came up with that gem a long time ago, but it still holds up today. If you aren't feeling it anymore, do not feel obligated to do it. Besides, sooner or later the lack of enthusiasm will be evident to those around you. You've more than done your part, and others--most others anyway--will understand.

As for myself, this isn't much of an issue. The only people who would want me to speak to them about my military experience would be a group of insomniacs. Put 'em right to sleep!

Nighty night everybody. Nighty night.

Response by GySgt Bill Smith made Dec 9 at 2016 2:23 PM

GySgt Bill Smith — Fri, 09 Dec 2016 14:23:57 -0500

I get it, it's hard to be the "token veteran" sometimes. I get invited to a veteran dinner the local rotary club host every year by my father in-law and he wants me to wear my uniform. I told him this year I was not going to wear my uniform because I just wanted to go a Jason not Marine Jason. If I was asked to speak I wouldn't have the first clue of what to talk about.

Response by Cpl Justin Goolsby made Dec 9 at 2016 2:43 PM

Cpl Justin Goolsby — Fri, 09 Dec 2016 14:43:34 -0500

Well it definitely can be overwhelming, and I can understand why you would feel hollow doing it. Most of us are raised in the military with a selfless type of attitude. We either look at it like we're just doing our jobs or we think there's probably someone more deserving of the honor. None of us typically think of ourselves as heroes.

But from the outside looking in, most of us accomplish things that civilians couldn't even imagine. So while we might look at it like just another day, they see it as something worthy of praise or respect.

There are a couple ways you can approach this. You can continue speaking. Maybe you end up inspiring someone else to join. Maybe you build up enough renown and go into politics. Maybe there are charities or causes that you can improve with your reputation. Anything is possible.

You can respectfully decline. I completely understand. Some people want to close a chapter of their lives for good instead of reliving it over and over and over again. Maybe you have a family. Maybe you want to focus on them. Maybe you're starting your own business and want to devote your energy into that.

Or maybe you find a middle ground where you find someone you think is more deserving of that honor. Maybe you have a veteran buddy who has a better story to tell or maybe is a better speaker or maybe you just want to spread the praise around. Maybe instead of just closing the window of opportunity completely, you use that window to bring other warriors into the limelight.

Response by 1SG Al Brown made Dec 9 at 2016 2:48 PM

1SG Al Brown — Fri, 09 Dec 2016 14:48:27 -0500

You are transitioning back to who you are, versus what you had to be. It happens over time. My wife bought me a big plaque years ago that read "The older I get, the better I was". She hung it up next to the TV so I didn't forget. Every Soldier wants to be Audie Murphy, but good guy Audie wouldn't allow himself to transition back from tough hero Audie. Don't be Audie. After deployments over the years, I was invited to speak at a few schools. Although obviously interested, neither the kids, nor the teachers, nor the administrators understood a word of my language. I finally realized that you can't teach experience. I stopped. Now you know why old veterans don't have much to say in public.

Response by SPC Erich Guenther made Dec 9 at 2016 2:49 PM

SPC Erich Guenther — Fri, 09 Dec 2016 14:49:20 -0500

I think you should keep on doing it. You should know by now how clueless the average American is on military service. They need to be educated. You could inspire the next Medal of Honor reieipient to enlist. Ultimately, it is up to you though, if your getting bored and don't think your going to do a good job anymore than OK, step back and find something else. Don't quit because you think you don't deserve it or some other Veteran might get upset........that's not a good reason.

Another thing to think about, my great uncle was asked to speak about his experiences in World War II and some of his speeches and interviews form the bulk of what we younger descendants have left after he passed away from complications due to his treatment in WWII. So you should also do it for future generations as well.

Response by FN Charlie Spivey made Dec 14 at 2016 7:41 AM

FN Charlie Spivey — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 07:41:38 -0500

I usually try to avoid that sort of thing.

Response by CH (LTC) Robert Leroe made Dec 14 at 2016 8:28 AM

CH (LTC) Robert Leroe — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 08:28:50 -0500

Perhaps it's easy for me as I'm a preacher, but I see requests to speak as opportunities to teach and inform the public, who have limited understanding on the less-than-obvious sacrifices military personnel have made in the unique life they chose. We all have stories to share as well, that can be an encouragement to our fellow-vets. I was recently honored for my participation in Desert Storm for the 25th anniversary (at my local VFW). My response: "It was a blessing to serve; thank you and praise God." I'm quick to point out that many things I experienced were blessings in disguise, yet even the hardships helped shape me into a more compassionate, wounded healer.

Response by CPO William A. Bullard Jr. made Dec 14 at 2016 8:31 AM

CPO William A. Bullard Jr. — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 08:31:08 -0500

well I'm not wounded [except in spirit--am a VietNam veteran] but then that is something most people don't get to see. That said, if it takes a 'wounded veteran' to take point then go for it. We need some one up front to explain the honor of the 'civitas' committment of civic militarism rising up out of the civilian community. We need Soldiers, Sailors, CoastGuardsmen, Airmen, and Marines and we can't get around that fact. Who better to explain "full citizenship" not some goofball high school math teacher who's spent his whole on campus

Response by Cpl Bob Blake made Dec 14 at 2016 9:20 AM

Cpl Bob Blake — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 09:20:46 -0500

I share your pain !!! I say pray, prepare, and "do it afraid"... OR, if it produces no fruit, no
heartfelt satisfaction, then pop smoke and extract !!!!

Response by LCpl Pheng Thao made Dec 14 at 2016 9:54 AM

LCpl Pheng Thao — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 09:54:20 -0500

If you feel hollow about it, then I think you should just talk at the ones you feel passionate about, or feel would do the most good.....and respectfully declined the ones you feel are just asking you to speak just to have a veteran there.

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 14 at 2016 10:05 AM

COL Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 10:05:23 -0500

When I was in the National Guard, one of my assignments was as a Tactical NCO and Drill Instructor. I quickly learned two things: 1. Practice and understanding of the content provided confidence. 2. Public speaking is the scariest thing for most people to do. So, if you are being asked to speak, then you obviously have a message or people would not seek you out. Whether it is because you are a 'wounded warrior' or because your message resonates with others is for you to discover. But, as others have stated, most people in our society have no clear understanding of the sacrifices we, and especially wounded warriors, make. Most get their understanding of our military from movies or the news and too many believe that we are psychotic killers, suffering from PTSD and are therefore unemployable. So, being a rational, reasonable presenter helps contradict those perceptions.

Today, I am not often asked to speak but when I am, there are a few things I ask from the requestor:

1. What is the theme for the event? (Military recognition, Wounded Warrior introduction, holiday, etc.)
2. What is the purpose of the speech? (Entertain, motivate, inform or combination).
If it is to entertain, then you are filling time on the agenda and being lighthearted is preferred.
If it is to motivate, then you have to know the goal. Are you motivating the audience to act (build homes for wounded warriors) or contribute (know the fund/organization and what they do).
If it is to inform, then understand the topic and stick to that topic.
3. Who benefits? (The audience, another organization, wounded warriors, etc.)
4. What do you get out of it? (Personal satisfaction, ability to influence others, ability to tell your story, etc. Notice that these are not financial or recognition benefits but things you value and reasons why you would give the presentation.)

There will be times when you will need to say 'no.' But, when you say yes, consider the people you will influence.

Response by PO1 Phillip Finch made Dec 14 at 2016 10:14 AM

PO1 Phillip Finch — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 10:14:02 -0500

I have done these talks at schools with elementary and high school kids. The kids are lacking in a basic knowledge of history of wars that we have been involved in. Vietnam, my war, is RAMBO to them. Almost always the first question was "did you kill anybody?" They did not have a concept of support troops and the fact that they actually were in danger also. VN, like the current wars, did not have a front line. As to the answer to the question, I began doing service work for veterans and helping with their claims. This gave me the connection I needed to stay in the game. All the veterans organizations have service officers as do most counties and states. These are very rewarding and you are directly helping your Brothers and Sisters.

Response by PO1 Ron Clark made Dec 14 at 2016 10:41 AM

PO1 Ron Clark — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 10:41:44 -0500

No to each of the questions, I was in my organization long enough to learn more of the good and not totally experience all of the bad things within the organization. I tend to speak only of the positive things about the organization unless asked about some of the bad things, then I will speak positive on even the bad things, because my military service trained me that most times there is always a fix or a work around most things that's making the obstacle. I was asked to speak at a Veterans Day event at a local school, this was an honor for me, because I had never been asked until this year, and I remembered my first LCPO telling me that we as members are the ambassadors' for our organizations and the United States of America so therefore, we were to always put forth our best effort and show the organization in the best possible light. To me it is giving back to an organization which gave and taught me so much about everything in all facets of life.

Response by MSgt Wesley Christiansen made Dec 14 at 2016 10:48 AM

MSgt Wesley Christiansen — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 10:48:03 -0500

When I am asked to talk I always talk about other men's experiences and sacrifices, In this way I honor them and their sacrifices. This makes it meaningful to me. I will always remember my "Friends."

Response by CPL Terry Whalen made Dec 14 at 2016 11:18 AM

CPL Terry Whalen — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 11:18:25 -0500

When we took the Oath of Allegiance it was not for a short period of time, it was for a lifetime. Though the road will be long and wearisome we will never give up, we will never quit, we will always carry on till our dying breath. Doing the things we don't want to do, for those who will never understand, is our way. You should keep strong until you are no longer able and then pass the torch to another. It is critical to have the correct attitude and remember why God has given you this honor. Remember those who have gone before you and that you are being asked to represent all service men and woman, you are our ambassador. Suck it up SFC, it will eventually fade out as do all things. When you look back 20 years from now, you will be proud that you did not submit to weakness and that you were able to set the record straight. You may never know the effects that you will have, but I guarantee that you will have a profound effect on someone.

Response by Sgt Franklin B. made Dec 14 at 2016 12:22 PM

Sgt Franklin B. — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 12:22:42 -0500

First of all I think you Sfc J. James for your sacrifice for our country. I aploud you for getting out there and educating the public. Not many can do that. You also help others to open up and that is important for many need to express their thoughts. You are a leader. Stay strong.

Response by Sgt Steve Gallegos, JD made Dec 14 at 2016 12:29 PM

Sgt Steve Gallegos, JD — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 12:29:25 -0500

Mr. James:
To begin, thank you you for your service and for your sacrifice. My response to your question is: the choice is completely yours. If you are feeling overwhelmed, disinterested, and just not feeling it ...then you must honor these feelings by examining their source.

Have you examined why you have lost interest? If it is too many requests, simply set some boundaries and agree to do 1 or 2 events per month, and no more. If you are concerned about the lack of attendance or the quality of the audience, you can certainly say no to those and yes to the others. While these tactics can certainly help to ease the stress you are feeling there is a more important question you must ask yourself...that being..."Why Am I Doing This?"

If your "Why" (purpose and intent), for going out and speaking to audiences is out of a sense of "obligation" or "duty" to other veterans, or to the organizations who are asking you to speak because they have given you an award, you are likely to continue feeling overwhelmed and stressed. When we feel obliged to do something we generally do not show up with an open heart and with a desire to deliver our best. When we do something because we feel it is our duty, we tend to approach the assignment with the feeling of "let's just get this over with."

If your Why is to seek attention, fame and glory for yourself, you may soon begin to feel that you are not deserving and that you are not worthy of all of the accolades and awards. You may feel that you are a sham and that you will be outed by those who are (in your mind), the real heroes. Whenever we approach a task with an eye toward what we can get or will get out of it, we focus on ourselves. Whenever we do things that are self centered, at the end of the day, we will feel less than satisfied.

If your Why is to "serve" other veterans, to serve your audiences, and to serve your community by educating them and bridging the relationship between the civilian and military worlds, you will find that you show up in an entirely different fashion. When we approach a task with a genuine desire to serve others, they now become our focus. When others become our focus, we forget about our own pain and struggle, we disregard how tired we are, we forget to eat, and we even ignore how much time has gone by. When our focus is on serving others we now say "I get to speak" instead of "I have to speak." I suspect that if you look back on your military career and other significant times in your life, you will find that your greatest feeling of accomplishment came when you were in the service of others.

As a professional speaker and communications trainer, I find that the issue you raise is fairly common among my clients and my colleagues. You are not alone. We all come to a point in our lives when what we are doing feels hollow, we become disinterested, unfulfilled, and we begin to question if we are doing the right thing. This happens in our businesses, careers, and even in our intimate relationships. This is a good place to be as it allows you to examine what you are doing, how you are doing it, and most importantly why you are doing it. Now you get to make changes big or small. Now you get to grow. Now you get to move forward.

If I may be of further service to you and you have questions, I am happy to talk to you.

Regards,

Stevie G.
#Liveremarlkably

Response by SSG Hank Ortega made Dec 14 at 2016 1:01 PM

SSG Hank Ortega — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 13:01:13 -0500

I think it depends on whom you are speaking to.
For example, young Ranger Schilitz speaks at Ranger Graduation, and is an outstanding and inspiring example for those young bucks about to go into harm's way.
And sometimes he speaks as an Ambassador for the Gary Sinese Foundation. As such he is doing very good things for the Military Community, and for bridging civilian awareness about military conditions, and the price we pay.
On the other hand if a Veteran is felling like he is simply there to assuage the guilty feelings of a group of people, or to simply help a bunch of faceless civilians to get their "thank you for your service" thing over with, then understandably it can seem like an empty gesture.
Examine the groups asking for an appearance, and see if your initial response is inspirational, or merely "Meh". That sense would probably be pretty reliable as to wether it is worth it to say yes, or no.
Bening excited to address a group is the inner response you are looking for, and determining the tyope of group could be the key to re-spark your enjoyment.

Response by SCPO Frank Carson made Dec 14 at 2016 3:05 PM

SCPO Frank Carson — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 15:05:34 -0500

Understand completely. It is up to you, but someone needs to tell the story. Mention those that never came back and that you are speaking for them. For me it is PFC Franz Kolbeck USMC and Captain Norman (Rusty) Heck USA both KIA Vietnam. You have to take care of yourself. If it does not feel right, then you don't do it. If you do accept the honor remember those that did not come back. Tell their story. Blessings to you....

Response by CPT Larry Hudson made Dec 14 at 2016 6:46 PM

CPT Larry Hudson — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 18:46:06 -0500

The public wants to know about the war experience. PTSD can be either a debilitating wall to those request and yet therapeutic for some. I was requested to wear my veterans cap and allow people respond, as therpeutic treatment to PTSD. Amazed at the number of people who have thanked for serving.

Response by MSgt James "Buck" Buchanan made Dec 14 at 2016 11:10 PM

MSgt James "Buck" Buchanan — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 23:10:24 -0500

I applaud for the commitment you made both on the battlefield and to the community around you. Sounds like a certain degree of "burn-out" from responding and performing maybe a few too many times. Try cutting back on your commitments so that you have time to regroup, internalize each event and then be as fresh as possible for the next event. Compare the idea to "R&R" when deployed to a combat area; we all need to recharge our batteries and I get the impression your batteries are run down.

Response by TSgt Erica Claus-numsali made Dec 15 at 2016 12:09 AM

TSgt Erica Claus-numsali — Thu, 15 Dec 2016 00:09:56 -0500

I would feel honored to share my stories of where I've been and what I've done, but yet, if you were requested over and over again, it would sound like a broken record to you, but a new adventure to the others whom haven't met you, but cared enough to hear you speak. Yes, it is overwhelming to feel obligated to do them, but just pick some. At the same time, you can also suggest other warriors or veterans that would be interested or the organization would reach out to them instead of constantly asking you. It's a win/win

Response by SP6 William Butler made Dec 15 at 2016 8:02 AM

SP6 William Butler — Thu, 15 Dec 2016 08:02:43 -0500

Who do you represent when you speak? If you are representing yourself then you should quit. However, if you're representing the many of us that feel we have no voice. Then I say keep speaking. And keep representing.

Response by TSgt James Carson made Dec 15 at 2016 1:10 PM

TSgt James Carson — Thu, 15 Dec 2016 13:10:30 -0500

It's important to inform people on what the military is doing to keep civilians in the loop. A military person can influance people towards a possitive openion of the military.

Response by CPL Sharon Fahey made Dec 20 at 2016 11:07 PM

CPL Sharon Fahey — Tue, 20 Dec 2016 23:07:06 -0500

Yes. Our stories are about real people who have/had real lives, ie, families, friends, etc. Sometimes I get the feeling its more about the shock than understanding what its like to be military member. With the public's insane thirst for drama, whether its celebrity chaos or reality shows, our stories, for many not all, are just another avenue to drink up someone else's life experience. The good side, it gives our people a place to vent or talk about their experiences.

Response by PO1 Christine Pawley made Dec 22 at 2016 4:07 PM

PO1 Christine Pawley — Thu, 22 Dec 2016 16:07:26 -0500

When we as veterans speak all we need is one person to listen. That one person can make a difference to a fellow veteran who may need help. Our experiencesite can help them understand what a loved one is going through. We may be able to help point them to their benefits that they so rightfully deserve. We can be their voice. To help them. In the end we are our best advocates and therapists. Who better to take care of Veterans but other Veterans who have been there and can relate. So if you don't feel there is honor in what you are doing anymore please remember you only have to reach one.

Response by PO2 Gerry Tandberg made Dec 25 at 2016 5:19 PM

PO2 Gerry Tandberg — Sun, 25 Dec 2016 17:19:46 -0500

I think you might consider accepting opportunities to speak until it no longer benefits either you or your audience. I'm convinced talking about our experiences; whether they are good or bad, likely benefits us more then we realize. At some point in time we move on because it becomes necessary in order to grow, learn, and mature. It's a process that never ends. One of the best veteran speakers on this earth is Dave Roever; a Navy brown water sailor critically wounded when a phosphorus grenade blew-up in his hand. He has been speaking to frontline solders for about 35 years. He talks about his experiences who a great deal of humor...so much so you don't know whether to laugh or cry. I'm sure there are times when Dave it the beneficiary over his audience.
His My wife and I lost our eight-year old daughter to a botched heart surgery. We both handled the grief differently. She went into a tail spin with PTS. I found great comfort in talking about our daughter to anyone who asked. For me it kept those good memories alive. My wife wrote poems, sang, and spoke at women conferences about her experience and struggles with PTS. Our daughters death was just the last in a series of bad experiences that resulted in her diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and PTS(D). We never forget, but we can put those experiences into perspective and use them to help others, while at the same time heal ourselves. I hope that makes sense! I have the privilege of working with vets...mostly younger Army/Marines with PTS and see the benefits of vets helping vets. We often see those with the worst attitudes and problems eventually develop leadership qualities and step up to the plate taking some of the load off our shoulders. That is when us old salts and ground pounders get to lean back and just smile and thank the Lord.

Response by PO2 James Gormley made Feb 28 at 2017 8:14 AM

PO2 James Gormley — Tue, 28 Feb 2017 08:14:02 -0500

I have been asked to speak twice concerning Setember 11th. I was the Captain of a firehouse where everyone assigned to work was killed, in a battalion where everyone assigned to work was killed(I had one young FF who survived but was seriously injured). As with all accolades and honors, you accept them in recognition of the sacrifices of your fallen comrades. It is not about you; you are humbled by their sacrifice. Read Oliver Wendall Holmes , read Pericles. There is a formula for such speeches. Read Bernal Diaz "The Conquest of New Spain" as an example of an accounting. You must put pen to paper to speak to the ages. The only credible historical sources are first person accounts of events. You have an obligation to help people understand the world. No one likes to speak about themselves, make it about your comrades and friends, make it about their families. I speak the names of the fallen so people will not forget them.