Do you believe the #metoo movement is 'scaring' men away from pursuing relationships (either personal or professional) with women?

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 09 Feb 2018 12:54:09 -0500

I'm following a discussion on another forum of all female veterans, and the prevailing sentiment there is-- "No way. Good men know how to not be pigs."

While I believe that good men know how to not be pigs, I also believe that the fear of negative perception or false accusation is what is driving distance between men and women (men unwilling to voluntarily interact with women), but the women's forum largely rejects that theory as well.

I'm interested on the men's perspective, because my experience (and the input from my male friends and associates) is that I'm spot on. I think the women's forum is willfully blinding themselves to the obvious but I-- like a good researcher-- would like to hear from a broader audience.

Please remain civil-- and honest-- in your responses (as you always do, which is why I like this page.)
Thanks.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 9 at 2018 12:59 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 09 Feb 2018 12:59:08 -0500

I feel that it makes people nervous. The question to ask though, is why are you nervous? Were your actions going to be potentially harassing or demeaning to someone else? Moderation in all things is important. #MeToo addressed a major issue that needed to be addressed, but it needs to be in check and directed in the right places

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 9 at 2018 1:27 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 09 Feb 2018 13:27:56 -0500

I think that it's one of a number of reasons. Social media hasn't done a lot to shed a very positive light on either gender. Women think all men are pigs and men think women are all crazy, disloyal, and selfish.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 9 at 2018 1:37 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 09 Feb 2018 13:37:14 -0500

The "Me Too" movement, while having a good heart at it's inception, has morphed into something much worse in some cases but perhaps not all. In a sense, you can almost liken the Me Too movement to McCarthyism. Any perceived slight could be a life changer and career ender. Yes, good men know how to not be pigs, but we are also aware that any actions can be misconstrued and are making us nervous and perhaps walking on egg shells. This is basically comes down to a few bad apples did spoil the whole bunch in certain eyes. The search for Communists by McCarthy had the very same effect. Everyone was nervous. Afraid that their actions could be misinterpreted and accusations could come at any moment and said accusations can/will destroy a life with little to no proof presented. I am certainly not saying that there are women that haven't been sexually harassed/assaulted. Clearly there have been. It is because of this Me Too movement, that men are now extremely leery about interactions with women. This is giving women a dangerous power that can, and will, be abused and used for selfish reasons. Not all women, but some. If someone harasses and/or assaults someone in any nature, I fully agree that those attacks need to be reported. And they need to be reported right away. Not 30 years later. I also believe that once an accusation is made, let the investigation run its course. If there is evidence, it will be found. I also believe that if someone makes an accusation and the investigation determines those accusations to be false, then the accuser needs to face the law.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 9 at 2018 1:44 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 09 Feb 2018 13:44:27 -0500

The issue is, people are expecting people to not be people, but, for them to be machines. There wouldn't be stereotypes if people didn't reinforce those overall false perceptions of the majority of people. I would argue that, open relationships also has a hand to play in all of this and the departure of how we as a society views love and relationships is biting us in the ass.

Response by SSG Trevor S. made Feb 9 at 2018 2:17 PM

SSG Trevor S. — Fri, 09 Feb 2018 14:17:58 -0500

A women's only forum might be a contributing factor to any lack of interaction from men.

Response by SGT Dave Tracy made Feb 9 at 2018 2:36 PM

SGT Dave Tracy — Fri, 09 Feb 2018 14:36:23 -0500

Pigs are pigs and don't care much about the light they are cast in; therefore, they probably aren't too scared of pursuing anything. At best, they may just change their tactics.

Clueless guys are simply clueless, and cannot understand how they come off to women. Doubt any blowback from #metoo has much effect one way or the other.

Shy guys are shy. They would get scared off by the changing landscape (real or perceived) in male/female relationships.

And others not so easily categorized? Some yes. Some no.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 9 at 2018 2:50 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 09 Feb 2018 14:50:06 -0500

I don't know about relationships but I am noticing a decrease in cohesion between males and females and an increasingly risk-averse climate. A couple of days ago my company was conducting climbing drills to include pull ups. The males were extremely reluctant to assist the females with pulls ups as they did not want to touch the female's legs for fear of perceived impropriety. The instructor had to repeatedly order them to assist the females, but they were still uncomfortable doing so.

A similar event happened again this morning playing flag football. I observed the males would actively avoid trying to grab a female's flag. Females are stating they feel excluded because males are actively avoiding them or treating them differently, but the males find that exclusion and division preferable to a SHARP complaint. Talking to the Soldiers, a lot of the males have cited the #metoo movement as adding to the perception that all males are predators, and they are concerned that these accusations are being made years or decades later with the accused often being seen as guilty until proven innocent.

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Feb 9 at 2018 3:02 PM

SGM Erik Marquez — Fri, 09 Feb 2018 15:02:49 -0500

When you have a self described Feminist who writes an article like this "When Saying ‘Yes’ Is Easier Than Saying ‘No’"
That says sometime women say yes even though they mean no, because its just easier for the women but its still the mans fault..
Or she says sometimes times Yes means no, or no means yes, and its the mans issue if he does not decipher which is which, or when it has changed,,or when you get a No, but you should push anyway because really she mens yes...
WHAT?? Of course its then confusing and all should be concerned at how a greeting will be consider a threat of rape or a threat of rape will be considered wanted foreplay
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncNbuQr5St0&t=4s

'This Is Complete Nonsense' - Ben Shapiro Educates Feminist Journalist Over Stupid Article

Subscribe for more - https://www.youtube.com/user/manu9855

Response by PO2 Rev. Frederick C. Mullis, AFI, CFM made Feb 9 at 2018 3:11 PM

PO2 Rev. Frederick C. Mullis, AFI, CFM — Fri, 09 Feb 2018 15:11:09 -0500

Commander, While the Me too movement started out as a good thing. The Feminists quickly invaded it because they saw a way to use it to their advantage to try and push their agenda of making a world of effeminate men under their boots. Looking at any of the recent "Awards" shows that tried to jump on the Me Too band wagon to help boost their pitiful ratings, one look at the horrendous costumes that these females wore will tell you just where they stand on the subject. (I call them females because no self respecting Woman would wear trash line the majority of them were wearing) They were almost begging for males to jump them. and unfortunately young girls look up to this trash as role models.

Men and I use that instead of males are known first by the company they keep and by their actions. Their reputations usually precede them. If you have always treated a Woman with respect, you will have the same returned. years ago when I was part of a Training Squadron we had a Female Sailor who had a reputation that was less than stellar, because of it she was being processed for a Captains Mast, prior to being issued out for said activities. I was waxing my car outside the barracks when she comes running up to me and asks me to help her. I notice she is being followed by three guys from a sister squadron who know of her reputation and are giving her a hard time. I know them, they know me so I just walk up to them and tell them, "Gentlemen, You are better than this, and she is not worth it. I have some ice cold beer in my trunk, y'all want one?" Each grabbed a beer and went their way. I turned to her and asked her WHy did yu come to me for help, You have never spoken a word to me the entire time I have been in the Squadron, even when I acknowledged you. Her response was, "every woman in the Squadron knows about you from how you treat those who you do associate with. I knew I would be safe around you."

The only "males" who are afraid of the women's Me Too movement are those who are not comfortable in their own skins or not sure of their abilities around Women. If they had been brought up properly and taught the proper way to act then they should have no problem. Simple things like Holding a door for a Lady, Walking on the outside of a Woman on a sidewalk (and knowing why) Allowing a Woman to step through the door before you and placing your hand in the small of her back as she steps through, not to push or shove but to guide and to have it there in case her heel catches on the threshold you can grab her to keep her from falling. Always saying Yes Mam, No Mam no matter how old the woman is, I say it to my nieces and grand nieces since they could speak full sentences.

By the way, my Wife was a member of the Me Too movement. her first husband attempted to kill her by throwing a flammable liquid on her in the truck they were in and lighting it. The Dumb SOB did not realize it would burn him too. He crashed the truck She crawled out the window. He went to Prison for 8 years.

Hope this helps, Commandeer

Response by Cpl Jeff N. made Feb 9 at 2018 4:24 PM

Cpl Jeff N. — Fri, 09 Feb 2018 16:24:50 -0500

I'm glad I am not in that world any longer. It is quite the adventure.

The issue is not just about men being pigs/cads etc. It is that you can do it all right (or so you think) and then get hammered later. Since all accusations (these days) must be taken seriously then you are trying to prove your innocence from the word go.

It begs a deeper question though. If men and women are "equal" and we think this is the case, why do they need to be protected from men? Can they not say no and defend themselves against an aggressive man? If they cannot, then all the talk about women in combat goes out the window too. If you cannot defend yourself on a date, you cannot defend yourself on the battlefield.

Women need to figure out what is more important to them, being treated liker ladies or like men's peers.

Response by SN Keagan Miller made Feb 9 at 2018 7:48 PM

SN Keagan Miller — Fri, 09 Feb 2018 19:48:37 -0500

As men, the best way to not harass someone is just to ask for consent. It’s not very hard. Never assume a woman likes you, is playing hard to get, wants to be chased, whatever. Just ask if what you are doing is okay. We don’t always realize the power we have in situations, or the fact we can dominate conversations. I’m grateful that we are able to be frank and have such a nuanced dialogue about things that have been happening for years.

Response by CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 11 at 2018 1:12 PM

CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 11 Feb 2018 13:12:00 -0500

A good and moral man has nothing to worry about. Only exception IMO is an unbalanced woman that has an agenda from the start. Since the man may have no idea of such, anything he says and does may be later used against him.

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 22 at 2018 7:46 PM

TSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 22 Feb 2018 19:46:30 -0500

Militant femanism in general has been driving a wedge in between Males and females.
.. I am glad im married and i feel bad for the next generation of males. Its a hostile confusing world to navigate.