Do yo prefer to date current military, veterans or civilians?

SPC Lukas Jones — Mon, 02 Feb 2015 03:41:00 -0500

As I navigate the often perilous seas of the dating pool, (and since the big V day is approaching) I have found that dating other service members or veterans is easier as they more readily understand the challenges that brings to a relationship.

I'm curious to see what others think about a preference toward dating civilians, service members or prior service.

Response by SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA made Feb 2 at 2015 3:49 AM

SGT Steven Eugene Kuhn MBA — Mon, 02 Feb 2015 03:49:05 -0500

Great question, I tried out all constellations in the past and came to the conclusion that it all depends on the connection between each other, impossible to generalize, go with your heart!

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 2 at 2015 3:55 AM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 02 Feb 2015 03:55:38 -0500

I think as long as you get along with the person and have that connection, you can make it work. No matter whether they are military or not. I understand the common ground you would have with a fellow soldier, but you also don't want someone too similar to you. You do want someone who understands and supports you, but that doesn't mean they have to be military. My wife is a civilian while I am a soldier. She respects and understands this. She supports me. We are married because we are in love and we prayed about it and knew we had found the right person in each other. We motivate each other to be better, strive for more, and to never get up. To me that is what you should look for. Someone who completes you, compliments you. Makes you a better person. Not if they are in the service or not.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 2 at 2015 4:13 AM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 02 Feb 2015 04:13:25 -0500

I think dating someone who is prior service is a much wiser choice. They can be there for you when you get back from the field or deployment, but do not deploy themselves. They also know what you go through. Dating another SM just seems like trouble. Either you are in different units and therefore have a different training schedule or you are in the same unit and IMO that can get a little awkward.

Response by PV2 Violet Case made Mar 27 at 2015 11:53 PM

PV2 Violet Case — Fri, 27 Mar 2015 23:53:24 -0400

for me it would have to be some one who is a veteran or prior service. Because of my disabilities it makes it harder for someone to understand. I fell in love with someone over 10 yrs ago who had MS he had ups and down days. But since he was an alcoholic and I am not into drinking like that I got tired of picking him up and doing for him all the time, but when I would need a time out I thought he would understand better. He didn't and when it came time to also help take care of his alcoholic mom I could not do it and deal with my own stuff and fell apart. When I told him I was leaving he had a hard time. But after a yr being gone he quit drinking and called me one day and told me how sorry he was for treating me that way. We talk off and on as friends but will never go back to where it was before. So I would say that I am looking for someone who can understand and I can understand them better. But I look for someone with these thoughts on both sides me for him and him for me. Not sure if a military person can do this tho. I have been alone and have troubles with going on one or two dates and a guy tries to get out of line without knowing me and my life. Or trying to date a civilian and he sees that I need to get out of the crowds and get somewhere or I want my back to the wall in a restaurant. Or I have my service dog it makes it hard to date a civilian. I'm still a lady and like to be treated as such. Must have connections to move forward.

Response by SFC Collin McMillion made Mar 28 at 2015 12:03 AM

SFC Collin McMillion — Sat, 28 Mar 2015 00:03:33 -0400

Just stay away from anything that even mentions Nigeria.

Response by TSgt Melissa Post made Aug 26 at 2015 12:59 AM

TSgt Melissa Post — Wed, 26 Aug 2015 00:59:30 -0400

I have dated someone in almost every branch of the military and also dated civilians. My current boyfriend was prior af and personally I prefer military over civi for many reasons.
1. I don't respect civilian men as much unless I view their job as more dominant than my own or at least equally. Ex. Police, doctor, lawyer, etc.
2. I have had civilian guys I dated feel threatened by my job. (Kinda piggy-backing on point number 1.)
3. Civilians do not and cannot understand the military lifestyle. Even if they were a military brat it isn't the same. Inevitably they will want to know why I can't be with them as much, or why I can't tell them what I do. Military for the most part understand this. I don't know some of the things my bf has done, and he knows nothing about what I do. We accept this and move forward.
4. The uniform. I don't care if you are wearing green, blue, or multicam-guys in uniform look way better than guys out of uniform about 90% of the time.

These are just a few of my reasons from my own experience.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 27 at 2015 8:49 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Thu, 27 Aug 2015 20:49:53 -0400

My wife wont let me date :(

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 2 at 2015 10:50 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 02 Sep 2015 22:50:49 -0400

Why not get the worst of both worlds and date a National Guard Soldier?

Response by SGT Rick Ash made Sep 3 at 2015 12:29 PM

SGT Rick Ash — Thu, 03 Sep 2015 12:29:28 -0400

All women just love a man in uniform, go for it!

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 5 at 2015 12:11 PM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 05 Nov 2015 12:11:12 -0500

SPC Lukas Jones There are plus and minuses to each of the categories. Just like each type brings their own strengths and weaknesses as well as points of view, even those that are similar may have different experiences. I look at it like, just as two service members are not alike it is hard to generalize an individual into a "cookie cutter" mold. However, all that aside this is what I have learned by personal experience:

Service Member - their strengths are apparent but depending on where the relationship is going the weaknesses are that majority are going to put their work before the relationship (I mean that is what WE do). We struggle to maintain that home/work balance but when you have two people who are very focused some things are lost once exposure (seeing that person everyday) and distance (PCS windows are different) start to come into effect. However, like any relationship if you are devoted to it then you can overcome these obstacles.

Veteran/Prior-Service - I would say this is the happy "medium". The strengths are that you have a similar mindset and military background while having all the benefits of being a civilian. However, there are as many types of veterans as there are types of service members. I wouldn't "throw the baby out with the bath water" if there is a couple bad experiences.

Civilians - Many do not truly understand the sacrifices of the military members until it affects them. There may be a lot of adjusting to the different lifestyles and at times conflict can come out of this. There will be many things about your service that they just will not get. But the very thing that we consider a weakness is actually a strength. They bring another point of view to the table. One we might not see anymore because of our training. They may help to bring clarity in an issue that we may be too close to. Though I would say this is by far the category that requires the most "relationship work" it makes it all the more satisfying when you get it right.

Just food for thought. :)

Response by Capt Richard I P. made Nov 5 at 2015 12:29 PM

Capt Richard I P. — Thu, 05 Nov 2015 12:29:37 -0500

A wise Captain told a young candidate Porter: "there are lots of folks out there in the world, look outside the military for your companionship."

He was right. Not only did it avoid administrative issues, my wife and her outlook on the world and life brought much needed yin to my excessive yang. She has grown me into a better man and my daughter and she continue that work.

Response by Cpl Robert Clark made Nov 5 at 2015 12:42 PM

Cpl Robert Clark — Thu, 05 Nov 2015 12:42:29 -0500

I haven't had any long-lasting success with any of the three choices...

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 5 at 2015 12:49 PM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 05 Nov 2015 12:49:43 -0500

On a lighter side.....all women (military to civilian) LOVE military men....

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Response by SrA Edward Vong made Nov 5 at 2015 2:39 PM

SrA Edward Vong — Thu, 05 Nov 2015 14:39:27 -0500

None of the above. I generally like women in power whether civilian or military. Not going to elaborate on that one though.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Nov 6 at 2015 2:16 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Fri, 06 Nov 2015 14:16:46 -0500

Date them both!

Response by Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 8 at 2015 11:11 AM

Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 08 Nov 2015 11:11:29 -0500

Love me for who I am...Love do not look at age, race, color, religion, military or civilian preference love is spontaneous event...to look at each other in the eye and said I will love you for who you are and will take care of you for the rest of each other lives...that is what each individual preference should be...be conservative and respect your love one is what it takes when it comes to this dating pool...I respect all to choose to whatever is the right person...however follow your heart...