Depression during transition: Did you experience depression and/or anxiety after you got out? How did you manage it?

Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 13 Aug 2024 11:28:12 -0400

Full transparency here since we're in the "trust tree." Depression for me runs deep but it was always something that felt the in background. I didn't disclose it when I enlisted mostly because I didn't think it was a problem. Whenever I was training or deployed I was actually the happiest and I never had any problems. I get out of the Army I then experienced the worst year of my life. Sometimes I wouldn't get out of bed until 3pm. I didn't want to do anything and I was having serious problems concentrating. Then I started having what I later learned were panic attacks. I felt like my mind was scattered and on overdrive. It was scary because my mind wouldn't be thinking rationally and I honestly wasn't sure what I was capable of doing in that state. My heart would be racing like it was beating throughout my whole body. My breathing was so bad I'd be hyperventilating just to get some air and then it would suddenly go away and I'd feel a calm come over me but I couldn't move. I couldn't speak or anything for about ten minutes. The only thing that has helped is medication which I hate but it's better than the alternative.

Does anyone else go through the same thing and what helps you manage it? The feeling really sucks.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 13 at 2024 11:38 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 13 Aug 2024 11:38:56 -0400

I had similar concerns when I was halfway thru my Iraq deployment. Then, the anxiety and chest pains continued for a good long spell after I returned home. Luckily, my situation did not warrant medication.

What worked/is working for me is writing, video games, continued service in the Reserves, and working for the VA. And therapy thru the Veterans Center. Oh, and LEGOs (when my wife lets me get them)

What I am writing, well, it's a book of sorts. Kind of of an autobiography that I am not sure if I'll ever get it published. But, it encompasses the basic concept of journal writing. Helps with perspective on things. How I started it was I started the narrative at Basic Training. I do jump around in life, from early years to current, all the while keeping the flow going.

As for video games, I do play multiple kinds, however my primary games are 1st person games. Starfield, AC games, Fallout, etc. I do enjoy word scramble games as well. Keeps me focused.

I still serve in the Reserves. I have about 3 years until I retire.

Working for the VA is great for me. Growing up, I listened to all kinds of stories from Vets that served before me. I loved those stories; part of what made me want to join. Every day, I get to meet and greet Vets from all generations (going back as far as WW2), and speak with them.

As for therapy, I have a therapist that works for the Veterans Center. He is a retired Army Psychologist. Great dude. Good listener and soundboard.

Response by SGM Bill Frazer made Aug 13 at 2024 12:13 PM

SGM Bill Frazer — Tue, 13 Aug 2024 12:13:39 -0400

Yes, especially after retirement- no group bond, no one watching my 6. Had to wake up every day and force myself to believe I would manage it

Response by SSG Roger Ayscue made Aug 13 at 2024 1:29 PM

SSG Roger Ayscue — Tue, 13 Aug 2024 13:29:38 -0400

Not so much. I used my PTDY to find a job in my field that worked with military and law enforcement personnel. So I was in a familiar, albeit new, environment.

Response by COL Randall C. made Aug 13 at 2024 3:02 PM

COL Randall C. — Tue, 13 Aug 2024 15:02:28 -0400

First, you are absolutely not alone in your feelings and experiences. Many veterans develop post-separation anxiety/depression when leaving the military with the impacts ranging from mild to severe.

I would HIGHLY advise you to look at the VA's resource, 'MakeTheConnection'*. The site is a gateway into thousands of Veterans sharing their stories through video interviews, articles and podcast episodes. You can filter the content by symptoms, conditions, life events and combat experience, service era, and more to find stories relatable to you.

Have you explored establishing/expanding your ties back to the military community?

I'm not sure what resources the other Services provide, but the Army has been focusing on the "Soldier For Life"* resources heavily for a number of years now, and many of those resources are geared towards keeping those retired Soldiers connected to the military community. While it is tailored towards the Army, much of the information contained in the "Retired Soldier Handbook"* is applicable to the other Services as well.

Some of the other 'military community' venues you may want to explore (outside of online/Social Media like RallyPoint that is):
• Most installations (at least Army installations) have Retiree councils that represent the local community of retirees (for example, the Fort Belvoir Retiree Council which is near me meets six times a year)
• The VA runs Vet Centers* across the country which community-based counseling centers that provide a wide range of social and psychological services, including professional counseling to eligible veterans at cost and in a non-medical setting (great overview video at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMzkZNbKk1I)
• Exploring the Veteran Service Organizations local to you (DAV, American Legion, VFW, etc). Truthfully, this will be hit-or-miss and depend greatly on what they offer, what you are looking for, and how you fit if there's a match.

Again, I'd start with the MakeTheConnection site so you can see many other veterans that have much of the same experience with you and how they have handled it. If you are ok with in-person interactions, then find the Vet Center close to you and explore the support groups and programs they provide.

And of course, RallyPoint is here and many vets will engage and share their experiences as well.

Good Luck!
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* MakeTheConnection - https://www.maketheconnection.net/
* Soldier For Life - https://soldierforlife.army.mil/Retirement/post-retirement
* Retired Soldier Handbook - https://soldierforlife.army.mil/Documents/static/Post/Retired_Soldier_Handbook.pdf
* Search for a Vet Center by zip/city/state - https://www.va.gov/find-locations/?facilityType=vet_center

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

Response by Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 13 at 2024 6:06 PM

Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 13 Aug 2024 18:06:55 -0400

I have also experienced severe anxiety. I stay away from large groups and constantly worry about things that are mostly out of my control. Rifle/gun shots make me jump and fireworks or loud explosions cause me pain. What helps me mange it is to stay extremely busy and focused on task completions. When I am not busy, my mind will wander to areas that I do not want to go to.

Response by CAPT Genevieve Rich, MD, Ph.D. made Aug 14 at 2024 8:59 PM

CAPT Genevieve Rich, MD, Ph.D. — Wed, 14 Aug 2024 20:59:32 -0400

Going through depression during transition is normal. I certainly experienced it even though I was stepping out of the Navy and the job that I had done my whole career into the same job. I was going to a different environment I was going to a different way of doing things or I should say a different operating environment. I am a surgeon and I wanted to make sure that I had my head in the game. So I made sure and I spent some time with a therapist and that really helped me.

Response by SP5 William Broumas made Aug 21 at 2024 7:58 PM

SP5 William Broumas — Wed, 21 Aug 2024 19:58:06 -0400

When I came home (1971) I was really having a tough time adjusting to what everyone thought was “normal”
I went to the VA and after making me sit there for about six hours some “ counsler” said to me ,”you’ll probably end up in prison like the rest of them”.
I started self medicating with every drug I could get my hands on. Qualudes were very available at the time. A lot of things were. Since the VA couldn’t help I went down a long dark road of self medicating and now, 52 years later I’m finally normal. Just not very healthy. Too many cancers for one thing.

Response by PO2 Andrew Wilson made Aug 22 at 2024 9:32 AM

PO2 Andrew Wilson — Thu, 22 Aug 2024 09:32:37 -0400

Getting out after being in since I was 17 was so scary. I had almost 12 years in when I was injured. It just compounded my already depressive mood. I had a job before I got out but it was 1/2 way across the country and I had no support there.

Response by PO2 Andrew Wilson made Aug 22 at 2024 1:28 PM

PO2 Andrew Wilson — Thu, 22 Aug 2024 13:28:50 -0400

The hardest thing I ever faced was leaving the military because of an accident in the military. After 12 years of service I felt they abandoned me instead of fixing me. I had just transitioned to shore duty and then I was told I wasn’t ready to go to sea .. my argument of just being out on shore duty meant nothing to
them. It was a bad time for the military .. in 1992-1993 they committed to drawing down the forces by 150000 .. I was caught up in that number. I was so bitter, didn’t care about the VA .. when I went there it was full of Viet Nam vets who were missing limbs .. I just cried and left and swore I’d never get in their way to get proper service. But when I needed the VA the most, they were there for me. I was given back pay and 100% Disability Rating for what I went through in the Nsgy.

For me .. working is part of my self worth. I didn’t feel worthy, I didn’t feel whole or complete because I couldn’t work which caused me to slid very heavy into depression. Then one day I got sick and tired of being sick & tired .. sought out counseling and medication. I’ve been on meds now for over 30 years .. they are not a crutch, they are what I need to cope with my panic attacks and depression. I live a damn good life now, better than I could ever dream of living. But I still have to be vigilant when the ugliness of depression creeps back to me. It could be triggered by any normal life event, the difference is that now I’ve learned coping mechanisms that help me deal with this problem.

I’m not a mental midget .. just an honest guy who lives life on life’s terms. And just like anyone else with a medical problem, I take meds to help me cope and to heal. God Bless Everyone Here.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 25 at 2024 7:00 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 25 Aug 2024 07:00:53 -0400

Hang in there brother/sister. I just had one anxiety attack in my life that was bad enough to screw up my vitals and send me to the hospital on a gurney. That bothered me for a year or two afterward and my family doctor prescribed me some medicine. I could tell when it was starting up because I would feel a nervousness or racing in my chest. Nothing was really bothering me at the time of the one major attack. Years later I noticed that I was prone to it most when I was worried about family and friends. In any case, over time, I was able to clear my mind and push down the feeling without the pills.

My eldest granddaughter struggles with anxiety. She is on light medication and goes to therapy on and off. She hasn’t found a therapist she is comfortable with that works for her. For the therapy route I observed that’s the toughest thing to do, is to move on to a new therapist if it isn’t working for you.

Good luck, hang in there. You will beat it.

Response by SGT Lorenzo Nieto made Aug 25 at 2024 7:33 AM

SGT Lorenzo Nieto — Sun, 25 Aug 2024 07:33:19 -0400

It’s one of the hardest things to deal with in my day there was no help one was labeled a true nut case,thankfully you folks now have so much help it’s there for the taking

Response by SSG Donald Kuhns made Aug 26 at 2024 10:49 AM

SSG Donald Kuhns — Mon, 26 Aug 2024 10:49:43 -0400

Its been quite awhile since I left the active service (the first time), it was in the mid-80's, November the 4th, 1986 as I recall. Back then there was little transition support information unless you very diligently searched for it. Anyway, the short answer is yes, I found myself lost, undecided and depressed. Not having the purpose and regimentation of service life. Not being one to give up on anything, I was hired into the civil service by 20 November of the same year. Still, it was not the same, by July of '88' I left civil service moving back to what I called home to take care of my parents. Still restless, I went into the National Guard for four years. Not happy with what I saw (don't get me wrong the Guard has it's place and does a fine job), I went back to active service once I was able to get a sibling to take over parental care. I put just shy of 23 years in uniform. Though it all, service, civilian life and now multiple retirements, I still wish I could serve actively again. In this day and age there are many programs and outreaches that help support veterans in transition and continued life support but you must take the steps to reach out to them, listen, learn and grow to succeed in your own endeavors, supporting your local communities and reach out to support your fellow veterans.

Response by SFC Casey O'Mally made Aug 26 at 2024 11:37 AM

SFC Casey O'Mally — Mon, 26 Aug 2024 11:37:21 -0400

I have intermittently struggled with depression for over 30 years - including the entire 20 years I was active duty. what I found that was when depression was at its worst is when I didn't have much on my plate.

Simply put, if I was too busy to worry about depression, it stayed in the background. Once I had time to breathe and actually FEEL, and make conscious actions instead of continuous RE actions, that is when the depression really hit me.

Based on what you wrote, it sounds like this may be the same for you.

After retirement, I intentionally dove into another job right away. I was working my retirement job while still on terminal leave. I took a one week breather and then was back in the metaphorical salt mines. I got shot on the job and was laid up for almost three months. I couldn't work, I couldn't do schoolwork, I couldn't really do anything. For a couple weeks, I couldn't even wipe my own ass. Literally. Depression hit HARD. Not because my life sucked - all things considered, my life was actually pretty good for having been shot. But because I had all day to sit and do nothing but THINK. And feel sorry for myself. I found a new job and, even though I was still drawing worker's comp, got to work earlier than I should have just to be BUSY again.

I could be wrong, and my experience may not be your experience. But if it sounds strangely familiar, then I would encourage you to find ways to stay busy. It doesn't have to be work, it can be a hobby that draws a significant portion of your focus. (And, of course, therapy and meds help, too.) But find a way to keep both your body and your mind busy.

And never, ever, be afraid to ask for help.

Response by MAJ Byron Oyler made Aug 26 at 2024 11:19 PM

MAJ Byron Oyler — Mon, 26 Aug 2024 23:19:33 -0400

One of the areas that I have found both in my personal and professional life is, is it really depression in a mental health sense or something else in your body? Is it lack of energy from poor sleep, diet, or vitamin D? I do not have depression from mental health issues when I wake early in the morning not wanting to go to work, I have lack of energy and so many are addicted to caffeine. I get up, consume 80mg of caffeine and I am ready to take on what all my come into my emergency room. I dont encourage people to live on caffeine and it can be dangerous but everyone feeling down should look at their caffeine consumption. Is it a lot and the day you feel blue because you did not get your daily dose? Some of these issues could be days starting on active duty with a cup of joe and once out were out of the military you stopped that daily cup of joe. Another issue is vitamin D. It is produced by the skin exposed to sunlight. So if you were already not getting enough sun and felt blue, stayed inside, well you just made matters worse. Ask your provider for blood work to test for vitamin D. If I miss more than a couple daily doses, I really feel it. Low vitamin D can make a big difference in how you feel and in cold, dark areas it is called seasonal affective disorder. Big issue up in Alaska.