Could you survive this?

PO3 Aaron Hassay — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 00:00:58 -0500

Imagine you are a young wife 23 years old, with 3 kids, and your husband becomes ill and acts erratic, even violent, and you are forced to leave. He never told you he was drafted 66-68 Vietnam Combat Vet. The VA back then, is doing no educational support programs on benefits for dependents, putting it all on you, the young at risk dependent mother with children, to discover any VA benefits that would support you from going homeless. Your kids and you do go homeless for years drifting around. You stabilize a bit. Your oldest son, with dreams to be the shining light of the family, dreams to be a great man, to make a break, make his mom sister and brother proud, enlists into a rare now elimated NAVY 8 Yr MOS Reserve program, 1994, that would give him a bit of money to go to college with dreams to become an officer by 22 have a family kids a wife and grankids for his lovely mom who wants grandkids. He is 18, naive, young, depending on good leadership, looking at those great guys in uniform, gone by 18, ends up being the best recruit in bootcamp. He is going to college now. He is embeded in rare elite NAVY Reserve Crisis Response - Immediate (CR-I) units. On 'weekend warrior' duty he gets Assaulted by an Active Duty e9 and MST from another Active Duty Sailor, not to mention the hazardous stressors of the unit, and his dreams start fragmenting, developing undiagnosed untreated anxiety stress panic disorder that witout treatment turns into full blown PTSD by 21, when mental health stigma is alive and well in the service. His beautiful fiance leaves him, because he is changing drastically, is sick, in denail, confused, overwhelmed, becomes cold frigid, unresponsive, tempermental, no dad to lean on, bad leadership in his command, and all of a sudden starts yelling, at you this young mom. My young mom, is now experiencing the second of her great men fall apart in front of her angry despondent, without understanding. What was she feeling? What does a women feel in these moments? Why does this happen...??? wtf...you have heart ache confusion...because love and desire and compassion had better sound..My mom sadly passes away by 53...due strokes....holding the hand with her young man in the hospital....her dreams of being a grandma sadly not there anylonger....sad songs haves a different twist...crying for 6 months straight...and kids wondering what happened...putting the pieces of dreams together like a puzzle that got mashed up..no more Thanks Givings....or is this Thanksgiving? what is Thanksgiving? I am trying to live for my mom...and my brother and sister...my dreams are sort of lost. and the VA is fighting me for any recognition because all I told you happened on reserve duty.

Response by LTC David S. Chang, ChFC®, CLU® made Nov 22 at 2015 12:36 AM

LTC David S. Chang, ChFC®, CLU® — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 00:36:16 -0500

I am always sad to hear stories like this...it is true that during Vietnam that there was little support, especially compared to now. I am hoping that this cycle can break through proactive leadership, proactive care, and also taking the initiative to get quality care. I hope that the stigmatism people have with getting help is changed and that people understand getting help is actually the wise and strong thing to do.

I am assuming that this person is a real case and if there is anything I can do, please do not hesitate to ask.

Response by MSgt Curtis Ellis made Nov 22 at 2015 12:45 AM

MSgt Curtis Ellis — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 00:45:51 -0500

A lot of us here on RP, self included, have our own versions of this... Some with better outcomes, some with worse outcomes, and some? Well, some are still undecided... The holidays are upon us and traditionally, this is not a good time for many, especially our vets. There are many VSO's, the VA, local organizations as well as other veterans who are looking to be that beacon for other veterans, and their families, who may be a little "lost". Could I survive what you have depicted above? I don't know... I do know that I have survived my own version of this, at least up to this point, and right now? I am happy to be looking forward to tomorrow. It's not always like that though, and sometimes I cant shut my brain down and the thoughts do not go away easily... I do have other veterans that make themselves available to me, and that's good... But sometimes, because I know them so well, it is difficult for me to always talk to them. I feel embarrassed, weak, and small at how they might see me... in those cases, I have called the Veterans Crisis Line at [login to see] (and press 1) as well as utilized their confidential on-line chat & text at their site https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/. They are able to also answer many of the questions you posed above and will talk to dependents, and family members, as well as to the veteran. While it is true that we may have to suffer the things we are going through, we really don't have to suffer them alone. Help is out there for anyone that needs it in many different venues. Also, many veterans, Active, Retired and Separated, here on RP would be more than willing to be available if anyone were to "ask"....
My thoughts and prayers are out there for anyone who needs it...
Be well and may you remain blessed...

Veterans Crisis Line | Hotline, Online Chat & Text

Free, confidential support for Veterans in crisis and their families and friends. Call the Veterans Crisis Line (1-800-273-8255 and Press 1) or chat online 24/7/365.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 22 at 2015 1:23 AM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 01:23:52 -0500

Thanksgiving was the time last year that my life began to disintegrate in earnest. I will have a difficult holiday season myself, trying to make it joyful for my children, not feeling joyful for anything myself.

Everything is survivable with time, fortitude, and the right people around you.
Turkey still tastes great.
Football is still entertaining - even if it is the crummy Lions and Cowboys again.
And there is much to be thankful for.

Make tomorrow better than yesterday was. Be grateful for the opportunity to find redemption in what you do next.
If you need a voice when it gets dark, contact me directly.

Response by CPT Jack Durish made Nov 22 at 2015 12:38 PM

CPT Jack Durish — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 12:38:45 -0500

War really is hell. Everyone who goes there never really returns whole. Some simply are more resilient. How? Why? Don't ask me. I don't know. I grew up with an abusive father. My brother fared poorly. I came out of the experience relatively unscathed. How? Why? A psychologist I visited didn't know either. He simply said that some children like me are known as indomitables. It may be the same with war. Is it fair? Hell no but, like mama always said, life isn't fair, is it? I know this isn't helping. Sorry. I wish I had more to offer. Just this. If you're not an indomitable, go find one to lean on. They can take your pain and not break under it. After all, they are indomitable...

Response by COL Mikel J. Burroughs made Nov 22 at 2015 6:00 PM

COL Mikel J. Burroughs — Sun, 22 Nov 2015 18:00:41 -0500

PO3 Aaron Hassay If you know if any service members or veterans that are suffering from PTSD or TBI send them my way please.

I'm on a Mission to help Veterans, Active Service Members, and their Families! Bottom-line, we have a great program and need everyone's help - simple as that! I'm not to proud to ask for help!

1. We are looking for veterans or active duty service members with PTSD or TBI that want to join the "confidential" Pilot Program. This program is not tied to the VA.

Here is a link to our newsletter for more information about the services: https://www.smore.com/x19ep

2. In addition, I would like to know if you would be interested in participating (Confidentially) or volunteering to help veterans with PTSD, TBI, and Disabled Veterans through an online Virtual Pilot Program. We are looking for individuals with all types of qualifications. If there is some interest to help please contact me at the email listed below (or).

If you are interested in either of the above and would like to attend a demonstration first, we are conducting them on Thursday nights at 7:00 PM EST. Please go to this link: http://www.sponsoravet.life/#!webinar-/dxphe

SPONSOR A VET LIFE

Why Are We Waiting for Others to Find Solutions When Each Day Passes 22 More Veterans Will Commit Suicide? It is up to us, the Citizens...

Response by PO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 23 at 2015 10:44 AM

PO3 Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 10:44:57 -0500

one day at a time ... find a purpose for you and your family to move forward together ...