Childcare affecting my reinlistment. What would you do in my situation?

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 08 Feb 2020 19:02:14 -0500

Im at a crossroads when it comes to NY Guard reinlistment. I'm approaching my ETS on 04-06-20 and have been approached numerous times by my unit to get my thoughts. It's been a roller coaster mostly because of my significant other. Shortly after my enlistment she became pregnant with our first child and now we have two. She's also a nurse working nightshift so when I have drills, extended drills or ATs it can be a real pain trying to get childcare or someone to watch our two boys when I'm gone and she's working. The kids go to daycare three days a week so she can get some rest after night shifts during the work week. And on most weekends I'm home to watch them if she has to work. It's especially hard during ATs when we have to coordinate family members taking some shifts at night and during days they aren't in Daycare. The Guard while it has some programs can only refer me to NY States Childcare assistance for the unemployed or underemployed. Those don't help us with our income level but at our income level the days they go to daycare is expensive enough and that's for only three days a week. 5 days a week would not be affordable. Plus there's really no daycare opportunities at night or for emergency events, drill, etc. Because of this inconvenience it's tough for me to think about reupping knowing how much it incovnences my family or how costly it would be. I really enjoy the Guard, my unit, the comroderie and the training but I'm at this point where I feel I have no other choice. I've had to turn down a promotion for BLC for SGT for the same reason. Anyone in a similar situation? How did you overcome it? Is there a program I'm not aware of?

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 8 at 2020 7:16 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 08 Feb 2020 19:16:20 -0500

You're not really going to find a lot of programs like the kind you're looking for from NG or even USAR. Those are part time professions and the federal government offers very little full time benefits for part time Soldiers.
If the guard is costing you more than it benefits you it may be time to move on.

Response by 1SG Ken Bedwell made Feb 8 at 2020 7:27 PM

1SG Ken Bedwell — Sat, 08 Feb 2020 19:27:13 -0500

I am going to be honest. It sounds like it's time to ETS. Thanks for having the courage to sign up in the first place, as most do not. Time to do what's best for the family.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 8 at 2020 7:35 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 08 Feb 2020 19:35:02 -0500

By not re-enlisting I feel as if I'm missing out or I haven't finished work I started so it's a little bit of a mind game for me right now. I'm proud of the service and would never take it back but I wish there was a bit more familial support when I'm off training.

Response by MAJ Byron Oyler made Feb 8 at 2020 8:18 PM

MAJ Byron Oyler — Sat, 08 Feb 2020 20:18:36 -0500

Somethings to consider, you significant other can change shifts to accommodate you, even jobs if it makes the family work better. I know as I have been an RN for almost 17years. Another thing, you look pretty young in the pic which means if you like the military, you do not need to make it a career today. You can get out, work the family situation to what works, and then come back in. It does not sound like she is your spouse or fiancé and in a few years that person or status may change. I was enlisted from 92-98 and commissioned after a five year break in 2003. I will be 46 once I hit the magic number. Sometimes making today work makes tomorrow work even better.

Response by SFC Melvin Brandenburg made Feb 8 at 2020 10:23 PM

SFC Melvin Brandenburg — Sat, 08 Feb 2020 22:23:06 -0500

I feel you on this. It was extremely difficult for my family too. Then I deployed a few times besides. But, making it to the other side of all of that, the sacrifice was worth it. I've gotten to do things, and grow in ways I never imagined when I was a SPC. My advice is, if at all you can manage, work through this. If that isn't possible, you could take a break in service but no guarantees the bonuses available these days will be around later on. I would say, stick it out, but then again, I am beyond 20 years too. I just know it gets better, and I couldn't see that when I was having to deal with the difficulties.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 8 at 2020 11:19 PM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 08 Feb 2020 23:19:12 -0500

Not sure about AT but I know many of the air guard or air force reserve units I have been in offer free child care on drill weekends. It is arranged through the family support center. I don’t know if army guard units have it though.

Response by CW2 Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 9 at 2020 8:24 AM

CW2 Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 09 Feb 2020 08:24:13 -0500

Unfortunate it may be it sounds like either you or your spouse will have to make a sacrafice for the good of your family. I wish you the best with whatever the outcome is.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 9 at 2020 9:32 AM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 09 Feb 2020 09:32:13 -0500

I’d advise to to look at the big picture here. While difficult and expensive now, with you only attending AT and drill, how would your family manage if you’re called to deploy? While you may feel you’re letting your unit down, we’re all replaceable. Do what’s best for your family and yourself.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Feb 9 at 2020 12:24 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Sun, 09 Feb 2020 12:24:24 -0500

Sometimes in Course of Action (COA) analysis, you will find out a particular COA is infeasible.

COA1 DONT REENLIST: Child care is feasible
COA2 REENLIST: Child care is infeasible

The decision is made for you.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 9 at 2020 2:20 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 09 Feb 2020 14:20:14 -0500

Time to leave, it's not easy but family lasts longer. I had to give it up for mine for other reasons but I only regret a few things but I don't regret my family

Response by Lt Col Jim Coe made Feb 9 at 2020 3:11 PM

Lt Col Jim Coe — Sun, 09 Feb 2020 15:11:58 -0500

This is a difficult situation. I'll lend you some ideas based on my daughter's experience with the Guard and Reserve. The number one answer was grandparents! She lived close enough to her husband's family that they would care for her two kids when she was doing Guard duty. (Husband was a small-town law enforcement officer). She resigned her Guard position (E-5) after she earned her BSN. She also dumped abusive husband #1. Husband #2 was a firefighter. He did shift work as did my daughter as a new RN. As soon as she could, she found clinic work that allowed her to use minimal child care because her kids were in grade school by then. She fell into several "good deal" clinic jobs that paid for her student loans, supported her getting her First Assist, and then a MSN & Nurse Practitioner. After the kids graduated HS she looked for a Reserve RN job and ended up in the Navy Reserve.

So how does this apply to you and your "significant other." Perhaps your significant other could find a job that doesn't require night shift. Clinics and some government agencies hire RNs to work "normal" hours. Pay may not be as much as night shift floor work, but it could be better for the kids. . (Daughter works for VA: 40 hrs/week and all the benefits of a Federal Govt job.) I have no idea where your kids' grandparents live. We were always happy to keep our grandkids for the two weeks our daughter did her active duty. (We lived too far away to cover the weekend drills.)

If none of that works out, then the burden of change may fall on you. Consider your employment options outside of the Guard and do what's right for your family. Throughout my 40+ work years, I made many decisions that were right for my family, but looked bad for my career. I found out that sometimes it looks bleak at first, but in the long run it turns out great. The old saying, "when God closes a door, He opens a window," is true.

Response by CPL Gary Pifer made Feb 9 at 2020 5:47 PM

CPL Gary Pifer — Sun, 09 Feb 2020 17:47:43 -0500

You can stand next ... next to the other 60 year olds and whine and cry... you got out and have no retirement... I met a 94 yo veteran who put in 9 years AD.. could have retired in 1963... or reserve retired in 1985 at age 60... Don't be a big baby.. Every one of us had problems, my son died.. Wanna trade.. I am Totally F-up..194 percent VA disabled... I'll be you.... you lay in bed and be me...