Can you use a negative experience (like abuse) or a problem like TBI or PTSD to grow and become stronger?

2018-06-18T09:15:29-04:00

The reason behind the post is that I was asked for my point of view on that topic in a discussion group. My view is that while all of those things initially make people victims, we can and do grow into survivors and then if we choose to help and mentor others into the wise ones who are sought for their advice. How do or why would we do that? We do it to "Make Meaning" of our experiences.
So simply expressed: Victim to Survivor to Wise One
Thoughts?

Response by CPL Dave Hoover made Jun 18 at 2018 9:24 AM

2018-06-18T09:24:59-04:00

Absolutely, I have seen it more times than not. I believe the most dangerous aspect of PTSD and TBI is not recognizing it.

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 18 at 2018 9:51 AM

2018-06-18T09:51:08-04:00

Negative experiences can and should be learning experiences.

Response by Lt Col Scott Shuttleworth made Jun 18 at 2018 11:24 AM

2018-06-18T11:24:47-04:00

Simple answer yes. I beleive you can let things that have happened to you own you or you can own them. The way you own them is you take control and use it to talk to others and help them pass it forward. This is very simple thought but difficult in action but yes you can let it give you strength and help you grow.

Response by SFC Pete Kain made Jun 18 at 2018 11:34 AM

2018-06-18T11:34:04-04:00

Yes.
What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. cliché I know but still true

Response by COL Mikel J. Burroughs made Jun 18 at 2018 11:34 AM

2018-06-18T11:34:49-04:00

Lt Col Charlie Brown This is "spot on!" Charlie - thanks for sharing that and we should mold this concrete or forge it in steal!

Response by SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth made Jun 18 at 2018 11:46 AM

2018-06-18T11:46:20-04:00

I've used my experience with PTSD to help strengthen others.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 18 at 2018 11:54 AM

2018-06-18T11:54:10-04:00

like Mike had posted the other day as his quote of the day “grow through what you go through”.

Response by SGM Bill Frazer made Jun 18 at 2018 12:04 PM

2018-06-18T12:04:35-04:00

Totally agree Ma'am- If we sit and do nothing them were are condemned to suffer endlessly. If we strive to survive, we gain experience and knowledge to minimize the suffering. If we mentor, then we are helping others to be survivors and pay back those who helped us.

Response by SGT Jim Arnold made Jun 18 at 2018 12:39 PM

2018-06-18T12:39:28-04:00

I might be an example. lost the use of my right arm and my right leg. I could of just sat here and allowed myself just to quit living and succumb to rot. I like to think that I'm retaking control of my life by doing things that are difficult. Sometimes I have to think outside the box to accomplish my goal. So far the only true trouble I have yet to overcome is doors that open to my right but I'm still working on it.

Response by Lt Col John (Jack) Christensen made Jun 18 at 2018 1:14 PM

2018-06-18T13:14:37-04:00

Certainly no doctor or expert here but do believe that one can control their own destiny. Being aware of issues and being willing to fight them is a decision an individual must make. Lots of things happen in life that can make one a 'victim' but if you simply accept things without trying to fight back the occurrence that made one that 'victim' wins. So yes one can become stronger from a negative experience, but only if one chooses to do so.

Response by SFC William Stephens made Jun 18 at 2018 1:19 PM

2018-06-18T13:19:13-04:00

I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT PTSD AND I THINK MADE ME MORE VOICEFUL ABOUT IT.

Response by CPT Gurinder (Gene) Rana made Jun 18 at 2018 1:29 PM

2018-06-18T13:29:33-04:00

Ma'am, it's tough to strengthen self; strengthening with experience of PTSD requires assistance, understanding and cooperation. My friend and I, apart from each other and our families, have understanding, yet we lack direction and approach. Doctors will assist and cooperate, yet they lack understanding. It is tough, but not impossible.

Response by SPC Douglas Bolton made Jun 18 at 2018 1:30 PM

2018-06-18T13:30:14-04:00

Lt Col Charlie Brown I agree that MOST people will grow from a tragedy of some kind, but some may not.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 18 at 2018 1:34 PM

2018-06-18T13:34:32-04:00

Lt Col Charlie Brown - “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth, but you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!....But until you start believing in yourself, you ain't gonna have a life.” - Rocky Balboa

A little cheesy, but true.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jun 18 at 2018 2:41 PM

2018-06-18T14:41:59-04:00

I have PTSD and it kicked my ass. I of course survived but still have bad days. I do try to help others.

Response by MAJ James Woods made Jun 18 at 2018 4:30 PM

2018-06-18T16:30:19-04:00

Absolutely. I agree with your statements and that it is extremely important for the individual and the group to "make meaning" out of experiences that are both successful or a failure. We have to create a dynamic that turns "survivors guilt' into something that we can build resilience. A victim is not only challenged by the individual that victimized them but also by those that blame the victim in today's society. I won't advocate all survivors of a traumatic event should become mentors or spokesperson for others but I will advocate a need to turn that traumatic event into something they can use to bolster themselves willing to face it.

Response by LT Brad McInnis made Jun 18 at 2018 8:16 PM

2018-06-18T20:16:44-04:00

I certainly haven't faced much too terrible, but in my experience, if you don't use the situation to grow stronger you will always be hampered by it.

Response by SSgt Holden M. made Jun 20 at 2018 3:45 PM

2018-06-20T15:45:49-04:00

I totally agree, I remember for a long time and still slip back to the mind set of wishing that I was the person I was before the cause of my PTSD because I tend to get stuck in the mindset that things would be better if I didn't have the issues that lead to my diagnosis. But I know that in some ways I'm better than who I was before and worse in other ways. But it also helped me learn a lot about myself and I am much more in touch with myself and how I feel, and am much more aware in general to my surroundings and myself because of my issues which isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's just trying to keep the balance so it doesn't have a strong negative impact on my life or those in my life. I think the biggest thing that I struggle with now is that I feel like I have to try and protect my loved ones from my issues.

Response by CWO2 James Mathews made Jun 28 at 2018 10:29 PM

2018-06-28T22:29:03-04:00

In my view, I would have to say yes. Since my retirement, I have had an increasing problem with my right knee which I bashed on a rock while hiking alone highThese two injuries have forced me to give up my favorite pastime of military reenactment. Like others here I was taught to take such things in stride and find a way to continue my life without the sorrow of my loss and feeling sorry for myself. Since that time I have started a program of "Teaching Myself to Sketch." Since that time I have completed over 1,000 drawings, and have saved them in a file system. I have also begun building models and now build my models from scratch since what I wish to model has no prepared kits. My third effort is to begin writing short stories of which I now have five or six which are ready for self-publishing, and lastly, I am engaged in researching Ancient Military History of Barbarians from the BC era through the Medieval period. I have maintained my membership in those groups to which I once belonged as a contributor, and send my drawings periodically to eight different pages on the Internet. I am also involved in arranging and taking part in Annual "Roman Days" events and make presentations there from my research. All this has come about since my injuries have stabilized. I have learned a great deal about the Medical Profession, and the structure of my body and the problems in detail with my injuries to the extent that I can usually check on the accuracy of what doctors and nurses tell me against documents, books, and the latest from the leading hospitals and research facilities. All this and more has been the direct result of my injuries and the loss of my previous life-work and favorite pastimes.

Respectfully Submitted;
James Mathews

Response by CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 28 at 2018 11:24 PM

2018-06-28T23:24:53-04:00

Yes, I believe you can. I have been dealing with my demons for a long time but this doesn’t stop me from helping others. Why? Because helping others with their own pain and agony helps me in the long run to be stronger.

Response by SGT Criss M. made Jun 29 at 2018 4:08 PM

2018-06-29T16:08:20-04:00

No, not in my case. I’m haunted by things that happened to me.

Response by Sgt Jimmy Williams Jr. made Jul 4 at 2018 6:58 AM

2018-07-04T06:58:04-04:00

My wife (also a Marine) is now a board certified psychiatric and mental health nurse as well as a licensed mental health counselor and starts classes in August for a second Master's as a psychiatric nurse practitioner. And she works at our local VA clinic. Her passion and drive for the graduate degrees has been the desire to work specifically with veterans struggling with PTSD. I personally cannot answer your question, but I can tell you that there is at least one nurse in the VA system that has dedicated her career to trying to make it happen.

Response by SSG Jose M. Hernandezsanchez made Jul 6 at 2018 1:27 PM

2018-07-06T13:27:47-04:00

Even though I wasn't the victim in my case when I put my hands on my spouse, I still use what I did to talk more openly to others and express my experiences with alcohol. I say more because for a long time I was embarrassed about it, still am. People get the impression that I'm all good or brag about the incident when I'm really not. I'm been able to talk about certain events in my life, good or bad, because I have a cleared mind and I have accepted the fact that I screwed up.
I would say hell yes, why not? When you experienced things, and you were able to learn how to defused a condition to certain extend, then talk about it, it adds credibility...people start to listen to the message you're projecting to others with similar problems. I like talking about my issues because to me it feels like I'm constantly counseling myself in some way. Yes, I'm still a little bit embarrassed but I'm pass that. I'll project my message to whoever is willing to receive and reflect on it.

Response by PO3 John Wagner made Jul 9 at 2018 4:56 AM

2018-07-09T04:56:10-04:00

Sure, I suppose you can use such experience to grow stronger. If the experience hasn’t killed you.
There is nothing cool or wonderful about the strength gathered from surviving such experience.
It’s a terrible subject to discuss. Leave it alone is what I say.
Abuse gave me PTSD. Piss on any celebration of strength gained by survival.
It’s crap.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 9 at 2018 4:07 PM

2018-07-09T16:07:50-04:00

Ma’am. Great question. And my simple answer is yes. Having a tragedy and over coming it makes us stronger and look at life differently.

Response by SFC Ralph E Kelley made Jul 12 at 2018 7:16 PM

2018-07-12T19:16:47-04:00

Lt Col Charlie Brown -
MSgt David Hoffman -
Maj Robert Thornton -
'Cliches' become because they have truth.
A cliche's continued usage reflect people continuing to find them true.
As it's said, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
But you must have time to heal.

Response by SGT Roger Bunton made Jul 22 at 2018 6:36 PM

2018-07-22T18:36:46-04:00

I was abused as a child by a step parent but I never let it define me. I learned to forgive and move on but always remembered what I experienced to insure I never repeated on my children or step children. I am an advocate against child abuse. I am not against a swat on the behind for misbehaving.

Response by SFC William Stephens made Jul 23 at 2018 2:10 PM

2018-07-23T14:10:42-04:00

write a book about it

Response by SPC Joel Quey made Jul 26 at 2018 5:21 PM

2018-07-26T17:21:26-04:00

Absolutely. BUT it's also important to realize that people who don't do that (or haven't yet) aren't necessarily weaker or worse people because of that.

Human brains are weird. When my mom passed away, I was kind of sad, but it didn't bother me too much. Then last year, for seemingly no reason, my mind went haywire, and suddenly routine tasks were giving me a lot of trouble, and even talking to friends was really hard sometimes. I've talked to a whole bunch of mental health professionals about it, and we're still not sure what was going on.

Response by SGT Charles Clemons made Jul 30 at 2018 12:44 AM

2018-07-30T00:44:59-04:00

Agree with you,does this one. If it werent for my physical injuries plus ptsd I'd probably have not learned the humility that I have. Going from All American lvl athlete in HS with near mensa lvl IQ(125GT), I was in some ways arrogant because most things were very easy for me to exceed the lvl of my peers in most competitive situations.
Having almost all the physical abilities taken away and becoming one of those that I thought poorly of as a kid was INCREDIBLY humbling- i used to think...why dont they just choose to get over it, Its Just in thier head...how naive I was.
I like to think im a better more open minded person now that I know what its like to be on both sides of that fence.

Response by Sgt Ronald Sires made Aug 5 at 2018 12:08 AM

2018-08-05T00:08:30-04:00

We are made of some pretty tough stuff. With the help of therapists trained in the vicissitudes and vagarities of PTSD, you will become stronger and will be able to function in mainstream society.

Response by PV2 Glen Lewis made Aug 5 at 2018 10:51 PM

2018-08-05T22:51:45-04:00

Absolutely. It's cliché but "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Of course that is depending on the individual, as is everything.

Response by CPT Pedro Meza made Aug 16 at 2018 3:38 PM

2018-08-16T15:38:46-04:00

I deal with both PTSD and mild TBI, my answer is yes we can grow from negative experiences, trauma, illness, etc, but it requires that we accept that we see and think different and that we are willing to seek a better outcome and not give into the negative primal feelings or desires. It starts with seeking help and assistance from medical, religious and spiritual and cultural care givers that have our best interest; not all do.. What did not killed me only made me a stronger and better man.

Response by SFC Malcolm Haugen made Aug 18 at 2018 9:55 AM

2018-08-18T09:55:36-04:00

Speaking from experience. I deal with PTS daily. Though mental health coaching, interviews, and much more it no trying to find a cure but to reeducate yourself about yourself. We have gone through extremes in our careers and it changed us. We are trained to be warriors but not trained to be civilians. Through all my reeducation I have a semi normal life. I have gotten to the point I can help others that deal PTS that come out of the military. Its not that I dont have good and bad days but that I have learned how to recognize triggers that set me off, or staying out of certain situations. For everyone dealing with PTS, get help, talk to friends, get a education about yourself. Remember, you may not like all that you hear but, maybe you need to hear it. Best wishes everyone, Im here for you. God Speed.

Response by LCpl Wayne Coletti made Aug 28 at 2018 9:55 AM

2018-08-28T09:55:11-04:00

You absolutely can.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 1 at 2018 2:42 PM

2018-09-01T14:42:03-04:00

I am a therapist and there is a concept called PostTraumatic growth. It's usually found in people with a strong faith, believe system, coping mechanism etc prior to a traumatic event. They usually come out of the event and even better version of themselves. So definitely yes, but unfortunately, not everyone (not even a majority) are and to do this.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 1 at 2018 3:53 PM

2018-09-01T15:53:57-04:00

I find that I rarely learn the easy way - understanding what I do or did correctly. Pain is a good teacher if you can listen... If not, you are have a victim mentality and cannot grow from the experience. PTS is primarily a negative if you cannot process the stress and grow from it.

Response by SSgt John Carter made Sep 2 at 2018 7:54 AM

2018-09-02T07:54:25-04:00

I have always been a proponent of the theory of “ That which does not kill you makes you stronger.” Each experience, negative or positive is a lesson.

Response by Lt Col John Culley made Sep 4 at 2018 2:25 PM

2018-09-04T14:25:26-04:00

If the brain is physically damaged it usually will not repair itself leaving a permanent disability and other scars. The only thing a person can do is try to use other functioning parts of the brain to compensate for the damage already done.

Response by SSgt John Carter made Sep 9 at 2018 7:35 AM

2018-09-09T07:35:05-04:00

I know you can. But it’s sad that trauma only seems to have one focus demographic to the military. It’s not gender specific. A false accusation is traumatic and never goes away in your mind.

Response by SFC Brian Gillum made Sep 23 at 2018 2:11 PM

2018-09-23T14:11:58-04:00

Absolutely! All of our experiences inform who we are, but the worst ones are the ones that define us. Overcoming the grief and the horror and all the issues and problems that arise from from the bad are what show not only others but ourselves what we are capable of overcoming.

This is not a shot at those who haven’t been able to overcome, or who haven’t found their way over, around or under the obstacles they face.

Response by SPC Dave Loeffler made Sep 24 at 2018 12:06 AM

2018-09-24T00:06:44-04:00

You can let the issue run you or take it head on and run it. As a survivor and former victim of PTSD I had to make the changes for the betterment of my family and myself.

Response by CPT Edwina McCall made Sep 30 at 2018 1:25 PM

2018-09-30T13:25:22-04:00

What doesn't kill you surely makes you stronger. Was an abused wife and been raped. I not only survived I grew tough and became stronger.

Nothing can stop you if you have the Will to survive.

Response by Lt Col Charlie Brown made Oct 11 at 2018 7:00 AM

2018-10-11T07:00:32-04:00

Response by PVT Mark Zehner made Oct 11 at 2018 7:49 AM

2018-10-11T07:49:54-04:00

Was wounded 12 years ago as a police officer and was given a year to live. At first I thought oh well what can I do but die. Instead I read everything I could and I learned! This made me stronger and I have since took what I learned and work with others that have been wounded to show them the future is still theirs! To be wounded isn't a death sentence it's a change in your life!

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 11 at 2018 8:25 AM

2018-10-11T08:25:33-04:00

You can but you need to understand what happened and why. I believe you need time and distance (both physically and emotionally) to address the outcomes of a given negative experience. It may sound callous, but once you realize you are not a victim and you are in control amazing things can happen.

Here's my story if anyone is interested: https://www.army.mil/article/148189/soldiers_journey_from_child_abuse_victim_to_child_welfare_advocate
I agreed to do this interview many years ago, simply because I know first hand, how knowing you are not alone can be the catalyst for change.

Soldier's journey from child abuse victim to child welfare advocate

Sgt. Jamaal Cromer, nursing noncommissioned officer at Katterbach Army Health Clinic, survived child abuse and now advocates for child welfare.

Response by SGT Bill Spiker made Oct 28 at 2018 9:50 PM

2018-10-28T21:50:57-04:00

Yes, without a doubt!i have PTSD but my Lord and SAVOUR took me for a life of being an alcoholic and all that goes with that life style, to being a Pastor husband!

Response by MAJ Bob Firth made Nov 10 at 2018 8:24 AM

2018-11-10T08:24:03-05:00

A bad experience should be a learning experience, but TBI is a physical injury which can cause behavior that is impossible to control. PTSD can have features of both, but the intensity and duration of the stressor will have an impact on how much the person who suffers from it can deal with it. I ain't a psychotherapist, but I am just giving an opinion. As far as the "victim" label. if you want to be victimized you can call yourself that. I have survived some things that 99% of those around me never had to. Am I wise? Doubt it. Just a guy who does his best to deal with some crappy memories.

Response by MAJ Bob Firth made Nov 10 at 2018 8:31 AM

2018-11-10T08:31:11-05:00

As far as the TBI, that is a physical injury where the wounded individual has little to no control over some behavior. PTSD? The damage is psychological and is more repairable, but the intensity and duration of the stressors have a big influence on being able to overcome it. If you want to call yourself a "victim" I think you are already admitting partial defeat. Am I wise? I doubt it. I am not a psychologist so others mileage may vary, all I am is a guy who deals with some really crappy memories every day. Endeavor to persevere.

Response by SGT Jim Wiseman made Jun 26 at 2019 10:24 PM

2019-06-26T22:24:59-04:00

PTSD in particular has become so associated with the military that many people believe it is essentially a Basic Issue Item. A friend of mine, an SFC have talked about this on FB. People hear that you've been deployed and automatically assume you must have PTSD. NOPE! I've been blown up. Many of you have as well. I suffered no TBI from it either. My SFC buddy has been blown up and injured many times. You deal with it and move on. Now, I don't want to be cruel, but you can't let the events define you. Work hard to overcome the PTSD. Find the mechanisms to help you cope. It happens to civilians as well. Rape victims, assault and mentally traumatized individuals of all types suffer. The key though is to find the ways to move on in your life or you will always be a victim. Serious cases will never get scoffed at by me. My fear in this day and age is that people suffering from TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome) will seek treatment for that under the umbrella of PTSD. What was changed from "shell-shock" to PTSD in order to describe and better define what was going on with Vietnam vets and what was known as shell-shock and before that, "battle fatigue," can be further transformed to a joke of a condition.
22 vets every day are succumbing to suicide and many as a result of PTSD. I don't want people to start associating snowflakes with what is a serious problem in a specific community like the military. Overcoming problems is what Americans were known for for such a long time. Becoming victims to every little obstacle put in your way is just more recent phenomenon. Within the last couple of years, I worked at a steel fabricating company. One guy operating a burn table to cut parts got into the habit of dropping the "skeletons" of steel sheets which were scrap onto the pile. It made a loud crash of course. Knowing that we had other vets working for the company, but mostly on the day shift (I worked the swing shift), I advised the guy that he might want to go back to placing the skeletons on the pile more gently. I said that with the number of vets working in the company who potentially might have PTSD, you don't know what type of reaction they might have. Some might come over to him an kick his a$$. Some might curl up in a ball on the floor and may not get up for a while. Neither is good for production, but shows consideration for others. Dude kinda laughed at what I had to say.

Response by SGT Bonnie B. made Jun 28 at 2019 9:42 PM

2019-06-28T21:42:16-04:00

Yes- you can ultimately how long or successful you are doing so will depend on your bodies and minds natural ability to protect you and then all bets are off.