Can I get married in phase 2 of my 52 week AIT?

PFC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 16 Mar 2023 20:30:09 -0400

Me and my girlfriend have been planning on getting married since before I joined the army, and I was wondering If I could get married during my phase two of AIT. For back round information we don't want any ceremony, but to get the license. And my AIT (68k) is 52 weeks long with a phase one site at fort Sam Houston and a phase two site at a residency hospital. From my understanding, the rules of phase one and phase two are completely different, for instance no more battle buddies, you go to work like a 9-5 ect. Do I'm asking to see if tradoc rules will allow me to get married in phase 2 of my AIT and If I could live off base.

Response by SSgt Christophe Murphy made Mar 16 at 2023 11:50 PM

SSgt Christophe Murphy — Thu, 16 Mar 2023 23:50:13 -0400

To be honest you will probably be waiting a while to find someone with a regulation or policy on this because if the instructors don't know I doubt there is one. I don't know of many schools or billets that require you to abstain from getting married. They technically do exist because I had one. While on Embassy Duty Marine Security Guard Watch standers (Pfc-Sgt) are required to pre-sign a page 11 in their SRB that states you can't be married while on this special duty assignment. If you do get married during this time without expressed approval from the Command they automatically run the page 11 against you and you are immediately removed from the program. With that said I doubt there is anything like that for AIT.

Don't expect to get approval to live off base. That is most likely a bridge too far. But if you are trying to get married so your spouse can be added to your orders it is a logical move. I would call JAG or send them an email if you can't physically go there. The Chaplain may also be aware of local policies in regards to getting married. But I doubt you will be the only one getting married before orders get cut.

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made Mar 17 at 2023 8:01 AM

CSM Darieus ZaGara — Fri, 17 Mar 2023 08:01:35 -0400

Anyone can get married stateside. The question question is will you get an approved pass, will that pass or any other be revoked for one of a thousand reasons. Will you be allowed to live off post, not as Army training guidance currently stands. Will your new wife even see you prior to graduation.

How will you and your wife respond when you here that you can’t attend to or support her in anyway that cuts into your training more than 4 hours a cycle.

You have waited this long wait the other few months. You both will be the better and stronger for it.

Response by CSM Carlson C. made Mar 17 at 2023 9:02 AM

CSM Carlson C. — Fri, 17 Mar 2023 09:02:20 -0400

So, many of us who've been in a while have seen this before. My recommendation to you would be to set up a meeting with the Chaplin and explain to them your intentions. They could assist you in the process for the area you're in. Then I would meet with your 1SG under their open-door policy. Explain to your 1SG your end goal and what you want to do. If your 1SG is worth their salt, they will have an honest conversation with you; it may differ from what you want to hear, but that's what 1SG are for. Real advise and direction. AIT is for you to learn your job without distraction. It maybe a rough adjustment for your soon to be spouse, especially this early on. I don't know your age, but there are a lot of things to consider here.

As for the JAG part, I would let one of your instructors know that you have to call JAG during a break and get an email address to communicate your situation so there won't be a time crunch in contacting them.

Now that was the easy part. The issue is you will be bringing a new spouse into a stressful time in your residency (I married a physician). You will be at the hospital a lot and work odd hours. You must be honest about whether your soon-to-be spouse can mentally cope with you being away, working shifts, and whatnot. This is not me discouraging you, it's reality. As for living off base, the BAH for an E3 with dependents in the FT Sam area is $1,863. A decent apartment ranging from 1500+ (the closer to base, the close rent will be to your BAH and try not to pick a dump). You also must consider utilities, groceries, gas, insurance, car note, rainy day fund, and other incidentals. You may have lived on your own before and only you know how responsible you are with your money, but you'll have to grow up quickly if you bring someone else into this situation.

The bottom line is this, take your time getting married. If they waited this long, they can wait a little longer. This is a moment that you want both your families to experience (unless that is another story). Keep it small, don't spend a lot of money. Explain to soon to be spouse that you may be working a lot and if they are ready to strap in for the ride. Just know that communication with your spouse will be key in whatever you do. Marriage is work; it's not going to be unicorns and rainbows all the time. Being a military spouse adds to the difficulty in adjustment. You both should take advantage of the various programs available and cross your fingers.

Good luck troop!

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 17 at 2023 10:53 AM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 17 Mar 2023 10:53:39 -0400

Yes, but I am going to give you some advice here. I would always caution new Soldiers when getting married young. I, myself, am a statistic of the military divorce rate. The military is a very difficult transition for many. I would first seek out marriage counseling to prepare the both of you. You will both be facing challenges that you have no ideal of. The Army is not forgiving. The Army has Family Military Life Counselors at units. I would wait until you have a year in the military until you get married. If you can't wait till then then you might really struggle when you get deployed. I have 4 deployments now and that isn't counting the countless months of schools. Right now, you need to mature in the Army to understand what's it's going to be like. If you must get married now I would draft a prenup so you both understand what a divorce looks like. I have heard it go as high at 50% during the peak of the wars but for lower enlisted it is around 30%. It's that high due to jumping into a commitment without understanding what it takes.

Response by MSgt Michael Smith made Mar 17 at 2023 1:27 PM

MSgt Michael Smith — Fri, 17 Mar 2023 13:27:01 -0400

You are an American citizen. You can get married at any point in time you wish to provided you are over age 18. Also you can marry anyone you wish to, even an officer. Now the correct question to ask is, "How will this effect my training and my career as a soldier."

Response by SFC Kelly Fuerhoff made Mar 17 at 2023 1:43 PM

SFC Kelly Fuerhoff — Fri, 17 Mar 2023 13:43:41 -0400

People get married all - the - time during AIT, even shorter ones than yours. You don't have to have permission from your drill sergeants or instructors to get married. They can counsel you about the decision to ensure you know about all the things you have to enroll your dependent in after you get married.

I went to AIT in Ft Huachuca and people came back from Christmas exodus married - some to other soldiers in AIT. It's usually a running joke when junior enlisted get married in AIT - but they can't stop you from marrying another adult. Even in IET. The issue that comes into play is what the rules are on passes, unless you do it on base which you can do in a base chapel. Living off base - that's a separate situation and that depends on your AIT usually. That one your drill sergeants or instructors should know the answer to.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Mar 17 at 2023 4:48 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Fri, 17 Mar 2023 16:48:48 -0400

Send me $200 cash and I will coerce your AIT Training Company into letting you get married.

Response by SGM Bill Frazer made Mar 20 at 2023 12:44 AM

SGM Bill Frazer — Mon, 20 Mar 2023 00:44:38 -0400

Why open a can of worms- until you get closer to graduation, you won't have a confirmed 1st duty post. Are you going to drag her around from post to post?

Response by CSM William Everroad made Mar 20 at 2023 9:01 AM

CSM William Everroad — Mon, 20 Mar 2023 09:01:21 -0400

PFC Private RallyPoint Member, lots of great advice here. I won't go into the motivations and consequences of interpersonal relationships that lead to a civil union of two people. But, I will echo the advice CPT Private RallyPoint Member, provided: take a minute and think about it.

AIT is a very important starting point for your career. It provides you the base knowledge of your occupation and acclimates you to military life. Some schedules are pretty intense, as you have already experienced with not being able to go to JAG before they close. Bringing a new spouse into the equation can introduce a conflict point in your relationship you simply don't need at this time in your career just as CSM Carlson C. highlighted.

Many have indicated that if your relationship has made it this far, it can go a few more months, but I understand, like SSgt Christophe Murphy, that you may be trying to account for your first duty station orders. Going from AIT to your first duty station as a single soldier is pretty easy, going as a newly married couple, especially one who does not currently reside with you, adds yet another conflict point you don't need in a new relationship.

Additionally, what is your new spouse going to be doing while you are at training? They can't really get a job at Sam Houston and your follow-on residency, at least one that may be career fulfilling. Then what do they do when you suddenly transfer to your first duty station? They have to start all over. This adds another conflict point.

I recommend you consider waiting until you hit your first duty station, spend some time getting acclimated to the Army, your chain of command, and your work environment. Make some "work friends", rack up some leave and take a vacation to get married. Your unit will have way more resources to support adding your spouse to the "system" and then getting you set up in married housing. Trying to do all of that now, while you are in school, adds yet another conflict point.

All of this, and other feedback should be communicated clearly to your partner. The more they know, the more they can understand and provide you with their personal limits of "conflict". The culmination of these conflict points is part of why the divorce rate among junior enlisted is so terribly high. We do a terrible job of communicating with our partners on what to expect.

Response by SPC David Dupey made Apr 18 at 2023 3:40 AM

SPC David Dupey — Tue, 18 Apr 2023 03:40:49 -0400

Living off base is different requirements at most military bases. It depends on chain of command, rank, marriage status and your job