Bad Jokes...Who's got them?

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 22 May 2015 09:19:05 -0400

I can't be the only person that likes bad jokes, aka "dad jokes". Share 'em.

I'll start....

Diarrhea is hereditary because it runs in your jeans.

When cold, one should always stand in a corner because corners are always right at 90 degrees.

and finally...

What did the claustrophobic lice say?

Let me out of hair!!

Response by PO1 John Miller made May 22 at 2015 9:21 AM

PO1 John Miller — Fri, 22 May 2015 09:21:53 -0400

What did the fish say when he swam into the underwater wall?

"Dam."

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made May 22 at 2015 9:23 AM

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Fri, 22 May 2015 09:23:48 -0400

Anybody seen the chem-light batteries?

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made May 22 at 2015 9:24 AM

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Fri, 22 May 2015 09:24:05 -0400

Knock, knock

Who's there?

Orange

Orange who?

Orange who aware that there's just too many bad jokes out there!

Bada-ba-bing!!

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made May 22 at 2015 9:26 AM

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Fri, 22 May 2015 09:26:28 -0400

How do you confuse Ted Kenendy?

Invite him to the oval office and tell him to help himself to the mini bar in the corner

Va, va, va, VOOM!!!!

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made May 22 at 2015 9:27 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 22 May 2015 09:27:24 -0400

What do bees do when the finish building their hive?

They have a house swarming party!

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made May 22 at 2015 9:33 AM

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Fri, 22 May 2015 09:33:12 -0400

What did one colostomy bag say to the other?

You're so full of sh!t!

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made May 22 at 2015 9:45 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 22 May 2015 09:45:37 -0400

Want to hear a dirty joke? A horse fell in the mud. Want to hear a clean joke? The horse took a bath

Response by SMSgt Dan Powell made May 22 at 2015 9:51 AM

SMSgt Dan Powell — Fri, 22 May 2015 09:51:38 -0400

Do catfish have kittens?

Response by SSG John Erny made May 22 at 2015 10:04 AM

SSG John Erny — Fri, 22 May 2015 10:04:01 -0400

1SG phone rings, “Alpha Company 1SG Smith how can I help you sir or ma'am?
Caller, “1SG I am looking for PVT Parts, I am told he is in your unit”
1SG: I do not have any one by that name on the alpha roster.
Caller: I am certain that you do.
1SG: I am telling you I do not have PVT Parts!

Response by SSG John Erny made May 22 at 2015 10:08 AM

SSG John Erny — Fri, 22 May 2015 10:08:58 -0400

What's the difference between a butter bar and PV2, the PV2 has been promoted once.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made May 22 at 2015 10:20 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 22 May 2015 10:20:57 -0400

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "how much for a drink." The bartender says, "for you, no charge!"

A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender say, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

NACHO cheese.

There is a whole bunch of them in this post. You can thank SSG James J. Palmer IV aka "JP' for starting that off.

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Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made May 22 at 2015 10:22 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 22 May 2015 10:22:28 -0400

Whats the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with implants?

One is a dusty bus station the other is a busty crustacean!

Response by SFC Joseph James made May 22 at 2015 1:18 PM

SFC Joseph James — Fri, 22 May 2015 13:18:38 -0400

So two muffins were sitting in an oven and the first muffin said to the other muffin "Man it's hot in here!" The second muffin goes to the first muffin and says "AHHH A TALKING MUFFIN!"

Response by PO2 Josh Rymer made May 22 at 2015 2:07 PM

PO2 Josh Rymer — Fri, 22 May 2015 14:07:49 -0400

Obama walked into Burger King and said "let me have 2 whoppers" and the kid behind the counter said your doing a great job and I'm glad I voted for you

Response by PO2 Josh Rymer made May 22 at 2015 2:09 PM

PO2 Josh Rymer — Fri, 22 May 2015 14:09:37 -0400

There was a litter of kittens and they where all born democrat, and then their eyes opened lol

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made May 22 at 2015 2:11 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 22 May 2015 14:11:40 -0400

A Mexican magician said that he will disappear on the count of three. "Uno, dos..." Then he disappeared without a tres.

Response by PO2 Josh Rymer made May 22 at 2015 2:23 PM

PO2 Josh Rymer — Fri, 22 May 2015 14:23:05 -0400

How many liberals does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None because they don't want to the lightbulb feel bad for not working

All in good fun but
What's the difference between obama and jesus? Jesus doesn't think he is obama

Here is a army navy one
Why is the army football team like a possum? On the count of they play dead at home and get killed on the road hoorah navy

How do you get a Tennessee graduate off your porch? You pay him for the pizza, I hope none of these offend anybody but they are funny to me lol

Response by SGT Lawrence Corser made May 22 at 2015 4:35 PM

SGT Lawrence Corser — Fri, 22 May 2015 16:35:56 -0400

where did the pencils go on vacation?

Pennsylvania...rim shot

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made May 22 at 2015 4:55 PM

CAPT Kevin B. — Fri, 22 May 2015 16:55:08 -0400

Two carrots were in a car wreck. One wasn't wearing a seat belt. At the hospital the Doctor told the carrot wearing a belt that his friend would survive but be a vegetable for the rest of his life.

Response by Kanika Misra made May 22 at 2015 5:15 PM

Kanika Misra — Fri, 22 May 2015 17:15:04 -0400

Why do chicken coops only have two doors?

Because if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans!

Response by SGT John Rauch made May 22 at 2015 6:34 PM

SGT John Rauch — Fri, 22 May 2015 18:34:37 -0400

light a fire for a man, he will be warm for the rest of the day, light a man on fire , he will be warm for the rest of his life.
So, a guy walks into a bar and says "ouch."
just think about the last line for a minute, you will get it...........

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made May 22 at 2015 8:20 PM

CSM Charles Hayden — Fri, 22 May 2015 20:20:35 -0400

The little duck walked softly across the road, he was such a little duck he couldn't walk hardly!

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made May 23 at 2015 8:38 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 23 May 2015 08:38:13 -0400

When attacked by a bunch of clowns, you should always go for the juggler!!

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made May 25 at 2015 5:21 PM

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Mon, 25 May 2015 17:21:41 -0400

Plato: To be is to do...
Socrates: To do is to be...
Sinatra: do be, do be, do...

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made May 25 at 2015 5:23 PM

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Mon, 25 May 2015 17:23:28 -0400

This goes back to grade school: Spell "icup"

Response by SSG John Erny made May 26 at 2015 3:09 PM

SSG John Erny — Tue, 26 May 2015 15:09:33 -0400

It was so cold the fish closed school.

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made Jun 4 at 2015 12:19 PM

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Thu, 04 Jun 2015 12:19:36 -0400

When math teachers grow plants, how come they look so boxy?

Because they all have square roots.

Cha-cha-cha!!!!

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 5 at 2015 6:07 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 05 Nov 2015 06:07:04 -0500

Response by PFC Joseph Cuschieri made Aug 13 at 2021 3:38 PM

PFC Joseph Cuschieri — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 15:38:02 -0400

A weakling goes into a fitness center and asked a trainer, "which machine do I have to use that will make the chick's crazy for me?"

The trainer takes no time to think but simply points to the corner by the juice bar, "the ATM machine is over there."

Response by PFC Joseph Cuschieri made Aug 13 at 2021 3:38 PM

PFC Joseph Cuschieri — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 15:38:56 -0400

What's black and white and sits in a tree?

A nun with a machine gun

Response by PFC Joseph Cuschieri made Aug 13 at 2021 3:40 PM

PFC Joseph Cuschieri — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 15:40:29 -0400

How do you get your kid from a tree? Rocks.

Response by PFC Joseph Cuschieri made Aug 13 at 2021 3:42 PM

PFC Joseph Cuschieri — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 15:42:51 -0400

What's the fastest animal in the world?

Nope! Not a cheetah

A chicken running through Ethiopia

Response by PFC Joseph Cuschieri made Aug 13 at 2021 3:44 PM

PFC Joseph Cuschieri — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 15:44:33 -0400

An oldie but goody.

What's black and white and red all over?

Give up? A newspaper? Nope!

A dead nun with a machine gun

Response by PFC Joseph Cuschieri made Aug 13 at 2021 3:47 PM

PFC Joseph Cuschieri — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 15:47:24 -0400

After the Space Shuttle Challenger was destroyed on takeoff, how did NASA figure out what shampoo astronauts used?

The found Head and Shoulders floating up on shore.

Response by PFC Joseph Cuschieri made Aug 13 at 2021 3:48 PM

PFC Joseph Cuschieri — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 15:48:24 -0400

What does NASA stand for?
Need
Another
Seven
Astronauts

Response by PFC Joseph Cuschieri made Aug 13 at 2021 3:49 PM

PFC Joseph Cuschieri — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 15:49:46 -0400

What's grosser than ten babies in 10 trashcans?

One baby in 10 trashcans.

Response by PFC Joseph Cuschieri made Aug 13 at 2021 3:51 PM

PFC Joseph Cuschieri — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 15:51:44 -0400

How can you tell if you get a letter from a Semolian pen pal?

The tonge is on the seal.

Response by PFC Joseph Cuschieri made Aug 13 at 2021 3:53 PM

PFC Joseph Cuschieri — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 15:53:35 -0400

What were SS Colombia's captains last words on atmospheric reentry before the disaster?

What's this button do?