Are Veterans less likely to reach out to another Veteran for help?

SGT Ben Keen — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 10:58:33 -0400

So the background on this question. Two weeks ago, a business that works with the nonprofit I help run reached out to us because a Veteran reached out to them looking for a loan to help cover some bills. The company, a financial planning company, doesn't give personal loans and really didn't have information to give to this Veteran but didn't want to just tell him "no". So they reached out to us as a resource that could help this Veteran out.

Per our standard operating procedures, we vet all Veterans before asking our community partners to help. This is to protect everyone involved. The last thing I want to do is to waste the time on someone that may not qualify for these certain programs. So I asked the person at the company to CC me on an email to the Veteran, introducing me personally and the organization. From there, I could vet the Veteran and connect him with resources.

Well, two weeks later, there is no reply to that email. One would thing that if someone needed help and took the time to write several emails to the company that they would have jumped on the chance to get their situation squared away.

So here is my question, do you feel that some Veterans are less likely to call upon other Veterans? Is it a fear of being judged or labeled?

Response by SCPO David Lockwood made Aug 4 at 2015 11:00 AM

SCPO David Lockwood — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 11:00:55 -0400

I truly don't think so. We have a bond that no civilian can understand. It doesn;t matter what branch we always seem to help one another out when there is a need. I believe that veterans are more likely to ask another vet for help than a civilian because of this.

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 4 at 2015 11:07 AM

Capt Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 11:07:16 -0400

I don't think so. First in many cases while serving one's fellow members are the majority of one's contacts. Hence a tie develops that tends to last forever.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 4 at 2015 11:15 AM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 11:15:09 -0400

. . . Definitely "More" likely rather than less. Strories and relative experiences build on that comradery that many veterans miss.

Response by LTC Stephen F. made Aug 4 at 2015 11:17 AM

LTC Stephen F. — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 11:17:58 -0400

SGT Ben Keen, from what I have observed especially at Veterans Affairs Medical Centers, Veterans are most likely to reach out and help their fellow veterans. I have seen hundreds examples of veterans pushing wheelchairs, sitting and talking with distressed veterans, carrying bags for veterans, holding elevator doors open, bringing food and drink to the table in the dining area, etc.
It is always heartwarming to see veterans caring for each other.

Response by SSgt Sonny Herman made Aug 4 at 2015 11:20 AM

SSgt Sonny Herman — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 11:20:43 -0400

Unfortunately the pride that we develop during our service can often times lead to our downfall after transition. I have found that many veterans who really need help are less likely to reach out directly for it because they think they are less deserving than other veterans and if they utilize the resources they won't be available for others, while other veterans who are merely looking for a hand-out are the ones who will reach out and have a sense of entitlement.

Response by LCDR Rabbah Rona Matlow made Aug 4 at 2015 11:36 AM

LCDR Rabbah Rona Matlow — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 11:36:22 -0400

I think that an email is very impersonal, and might have ended up in the person's spam folder besides.

The only way to deal with a situation like this is to reach out. The other company should have called the veteran and asked if they could share their name with you, and then you could call...

It is a very shameful thing to ask for a handout. Not that it's wrong - rather it is society that levels shame. So people are not so inclined to keep asking once they get burned...

I hope that this veteran will reach out to you for help, or that they have gotten other help...

I've had this happen a number of times with counseling referrals. The agency gives the veteran my contact info, and I never hear from the veteran. I can't reach out to them because the agency can't give me their info, due to Privacy laws...

Thank you for trying...

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 4 at 2015 11:43 AM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 11:43:48 -0400

SGT Ben Keen My wife also works for a non profit that assists veterans. Based on our conversations I would say that veterans that are truly in need don't care where the help comes from. That being said, I think that veterans hit enough roadblocks in their term of service and afterwards with the VA, that they tend to fade fast at the first sign of friction (since all agencies have policies that have to be followed to cut a check this is not uncommon). If he was able to swallow his pride enough to ask for help, I don't think he was afraid of being judged by his peers. Keep up the good fight...you can't win them all. Remember to say, after your next success, "I made a difference to THAT one."

Response by CW4 Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 4 at 2015 11:45 AM

CW4 Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 11:45:03 -0400

I don't know about this. I'm my case and with most of the active serving and retired veterans that I know, they all seem to network well with each other, especially when dealing with concerns about healthcare.

Response by 1SG Michael Blount made Aug 4 at 2015 11:45 AM

1SG Michael Blount — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 11:45:25 -0400

I found just the opposite to be true. Most vets know what other vets are experiencing and are willing to lend a hand.

Response by PO2 Brandon Boucher made Aug 4 at 2015 12:13 PM

PO2 Brandon Boucher — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 12:13:55 -0400

Maybe it went to his spam filter? I've found that Vets asking other Vets for help, if they are serious about getting the help, are more apt to open to to a fellow brother or sister in arms...but everyone is different.

Response by CW3 Kevin Storm made Aug 4 at 2015 12:17 PM

CW3 Kevin Storm — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 12:17:38 -0400

My answer may surprise some of you. Working for the VA, I have seen more than a fair share of guys who will lay it on thick and heavy. One told a nurse practitioner I worked with that he lost both sons in Iraq. A quick check and there was no one that lost their lives of that name. We can spot the fakers and posers quickly, where our civilian counter parts can't.

Don't want to get caught, don't go to the guys who can tell you are not who you claim to be. We smell something in their story that just won't sell to us. Was the guy even a vet, I don't know, nor will say he wasn't. But I do know I have run into more black ops operators out there than the CIA has ever known existed. For some it is a make believe world they live in, for some reason they are not happy and have to say something that sounds better than what they actually did.

I have seen Vets in homeless shelters go out of the way for others Vets to make it to appointments because they still had wheels. So I believe we help each other out.

Response by SPC Margaret Higgins made Aug 4 at 2015 12:29 PM

SPC Margaret Higgins — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 12:29:20 -0400

I really don't know. I help Veterans at the VA Hospital; a lot. But they do not solicit my help.

Response by SSgt Alex Robinson made Aug 4 at 2015 12:30 PM

SSgt Alex Robinson — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 12:30:23 -0400

I don't think so. We share common experiences and that is sometimes a benefit

Response by PO2 Jonathan Scharff made Aug 4 at 2015 12:41 PM

PO2 Jonathan Scharff — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 12:41:04 -0400

SGT Ben Keen maybe you should email him again and include a link to RallyPoint. I've never seen a Vet on here not helped or directed to someone that can help! Thanks for stepping up and trying!

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 4 at 2015 2:53 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 14:53:44 -0400

I don't know but I impose upon vets to find out how they are and if they need an azimuth.

Response by PO3 Steven Sherrill made Aug 4 at 2015 4:25 PM

PO3 Steven Sherrill — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 16:25:13 -0400

I think it depends. Some will, reach out to people of like experiences to resolve an issue. Some will worry that they have not encountered as traumatic an experience as other veterans, and not want to be a burden. That is why RP is nice. It allows a veteran (or active service member) to seek advice (in theory) without being judged. Doesn't always work out that way, but RP members I have seen are good people in general and willing to help each other out.

Response by SFC Daniel Faires made Aug 4 at 2015 4:34 PM

SFC Daniel Faires — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 16:34:53 -0400

I volunteer with a non profit and in my experience the ones who don't respond to a organization that is willing to help them when the individual has to go through a simple vetting process( we do the same thing ) it's one piece of paper they fill out. That "veteran" is usually a fraud

Response by PO1 John Miller made Aug 6 at 2015 2:41 AM

PO1 John Miller — Thu, 06 Aug 2015 02:41:41 -0400

I would have to say no. Your case seems to be an exception to the norm. It has been my personal experience that it's just the opposite.

My Dad's best friend was an Army tail gunner in 'Nam. We were speaking at my Dad's funeral and he (the friend) told me more about his Army experiences in 10 minutes than he told his own family over their entire lives.

Response by 1SG Trina Hines, M. Ed. made Aug 7 at 2015 5:39 PM

1SG Trina Hines, M. Ed. — Fri, 07 Aug 2015 17:39:57 -0400

I have found that veterans reach out to other veterans and actually it is often a welcome relief when they know they are talking with another veteran who can understand and relate to where they are coming from. I know there are exception to the rule, but generally veterans understand the heart of other veterans or at least will try too.