Are Military regulations putting your personnel at a disadvantage in family court? What are your thoughts?

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 06 May 2016 16:11:14 -0400

Active duty military personell are losing custody battles on a daily basis in family court. Military regulations tend to conflict with state law, and if you are deployable may mean you lose custody.

Response by SFC Josh Billingsley made May 6 at 2016 4:14 PM

SFC Josh Billingsley — Fri, 06 May 2016 16:14:52 -0400

I lost my first custody battle because I was active duty and "could" be deployed. I got out before I went back to court and won the second time

Response by SPC Rory J. Mattheisen made May 6 at 2016 4:31 PM

SPC Rory J. Mattheisen — Fri, 06 May 2016 16:31:59 -0400

I have seen that scenario play out too many times.

Response by SFC Wade W. made May 6 at 2016 4:39 PM

SFC Wade W. — Fri, 06 May 2016 16:39:22 -0400

In thes situations it is of the utmost importance to get a lawyer that specializes in custody battles for military personnel. It is also important to already have a family care plan already completed and some great character witnesses. Never take on these cases by yourself or go cheap. If you do you will lose.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made May 6 at 2016 4:50 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 06 May 2016 16:50:39 -0400

Not only that but you are forced to pay the spouse in the absence of a court order, spouses can call the chain anytime they want and the chain is required to look into it, careers tend to be on thin ice during this proccess its horrible

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made May 6 at 2016 4:56 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 06 May 2016 16:56:38 -0400

i hate to say this but if you dont have an iron clad familly plan to take care of your children in the event your deployed, then it could be grounds, it also depends state to state and the millitary i never had to deal with this but i can understand that the welfare of the children come first

Response by SGT Ej P. made May 6 at 2016 5:00 PM

SGT Ej P. — Fri, 06 May 2016 17:00:37 -0400

It's not always the case, I've experienced both sides while being active duty, both with a veteran lawyer (with military background) and a civilian lawyer (no military background or experience at all) against the same ex

Response by CSM Private RallyPoint Member made May 6 at 2016 5:01 PM

CSM Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 06 May 2016 17:01:57 -0400

SSG Winkler,
Yes so many parents like myself lost parenting time due to the military. I had 2/3 time and my ex had 1/3 time with our children by a court order. When I returned from Iraq and petitioned for my original custody order, the judge did not do that. He gave us 50/50. Had I not deployed that would have NEVER happened. There were many other Service Members that had these issue. one of my friends got home from Iraq and his wife took the kids and moved to Europe and never came back. He got a law passed in AZ to stop this. Many states passed laws protecting parental rights of military members from the Judges that did whatever their political views on the military guided them to do. Thank you for bringing this into the spot light.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made May 6 at 2016 10:04 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 06 May 2016 22:04:39 -0400

Don't get married and don't have kids. Jk

Response by Maj John Bell made May 7 at 2016 8:15 AM

Maj John Bell — Sat, 07 May 2016 08:15:49 -0400

If you are looking for sympathy STOP READING THIS POST NOW!!!

When a couple has children, it stops being about them. It doesn't matter anymore what is fair or unfair to either spouse. Parents are adults. Adults should be equipped to cope with emotional issues, or they shouldn't be parents. Kids aren't adults and probably aren't equipped to deal with the crap that Mom and Dad has just dropped on their plate.

The Military cannot and should not accommodate every crappy situation that arises in a service members life. The military exists to kill people and break things whenever our nation decides it is necessary. It is not a social service. The only thing I am owed is whatever I needed to accomplish the mission with the best chance of coming home alive and intact.

That does not mean the service member should get screwed automatically, but they better be able to prove that they provide the BEST possible situation for the children, long-term. If I was a judge, I'd be skeptical of the person who claims that they can do right by their kids and meet their military obligations.

Someone else shouldn't give up their family time to carry my pack because I got a divorce. Their kids are just as important to them as mine are to me. Their kids need their parents just as much as mine do. That may mean I leave the service on a compassionate discharge, or I give custody to that $@^$^%#%##^ I married, or depending on family/friends to care for the children during deployment and unexpected long days. Whatever it takes, I need to get it in one sock, if I want the privilege of being the primary caregiver.

Doing right by the kids is first and foremost. I do not care if a parent is a man, woman, or a blue Kangaroo, grown ups make PAINFUL sacrifices for their children when PAINFUL situations arise. If it isn't the best for the children to be with me, I need to admit it and do the right thing.