Am I over thinking this whole process?

2020-06-23T12:33:44-04:00

Wife is done with boot but stuck there due to covid
I didn’t think this way for 6 weeks and now all I have on my mind is her cheating on me and leaving. I am the male spous me with 2 children and I can’t seem to get this out of my head to the point I might as well just believe it is gonna happen. Has anyone felt this way? Did you get over it once you seen them?

Housing also has be stressing out as I can’t do anything with not having a way to call her. She’s got hard orders and I’m on her deers etc but I can’t do anything period which only gives her 5 days to come home help load up stuff and drive there and unload and report. Which stresses me out.

Response by SSgt Christophe Murphy made Jun 23 at 2020 12:41 PM

2020-06-23T12:41:13-04:00

Stress is a real thing. All you can do is keep as positive as an outlook as you can. The best thing for you both will be open and clear communication. And don't take out your frustrations on each other.

Infidelity is a fear but the strength of both your characters will be the deciding factor in that. That and trust.

Response by SFC Steven Borders made Jun 23 at 2020 12:50 PM

2020-06-23T12:50:12-04:00

I don't want to sound insincere, as I know the stress all to well about being away from family and your kids. But do you not trust your wife, or have faith in your wife? Are you going to question her if she gets deployed? It really does suck that she is stuck there due to COVID as it has reeked havoc all over the place.
I have been married for 22 years, and have never once questioned my wives faith in me or I in her. I do hope she gets home to you soon, and your family can be together. Everything will work out in the end.

Response by SFC Kelly Fuerhoff made Jun 23 at 2020 12:50 PM

2020-06-23T12:50:50-04:00

That's something you need to talk to your wife about if you have insecurities about your marriage that you think her being away from you she'd be tempted to stray. Has she ever given you a reason to feel this way?

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 23 at 2020 1:29 PM

2020-06-23T13:29:02-04:00

Is there temptation, possibly. But if you had a strong marriage before she left and she has never cheated before, then you shouldn't be worried. You're only hurting yourself and your marriage by thinking the worse. Added undue stress over worrying about cheating is not helping anyone.
As to moving, if you have hard orders, either one of you should be able to get ahold of the base housing to get put on the list for a home. The military will take care of the packing and moving - less stress for you.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 23 at 2020 3:37 PM

2020-06-23T15:37:57-04:00

Lenny, breath brother, you are overthinking this. I have done some long stints away from home and they are always hard. But after reading your comments to the other post, it would appear you are putting this on yourself. Use the programs the Army has for military spouses, reach out and talk to someone you trust. The military is going to force you and your wife to spend time away from each other as the years go on, it is part of the job. The best thing my wife and I ever did was talk about it and have solid plans in place each time I had to leave. I would encourage you to write to her, but instead of focusing on the worry, focus on all the positive things going on in your life. Things will settle down and you will see that you are overthinking this whole thing. Breath and repeat my friend.

Response by SGM Bill Frazer made Jun 23 at 2020 4:27 PM

2020-06-23T16:27:03-04:00

Freaking over nothing. If you trusted her before the service, then why doubt now?Good grief, was on deployment for a year, spent 279 days in year in the field, never any qualms. You either trust each other, or divorce, service is hard enough w/o losing spousal support. And no as her dependent, there is damn little you can do, except pack up and be ready. Welcome to our world.

Response by SGT Herbert Bollum made Jun 23 at 2020 5:43 PM

2020-06-23T17:43:15-04:00

Yes, you are over thinking it. Get over yourself.

Response by Lt Col Jim Coe made Jun 24 at 2020 6:39 PM

2020-06-24T18:39:03-04:00

Take a deep cleansing breath. If you trusted your spouse before she went to basic, then trust her now. If she betrays that trust, I hope you never know. Don’t ask. When she comes home love her like never before and romance her a little too. Then pack up and move out—it’s a military thing. As a rule of thumb it takes one day home for every week gone to readjust to family.

Response by Maj John Bell made Jun 24 at 2020 8:33 PM

2020-06-24T20:33:44-04:00

As a civilian spouse you have had considerably more opportunity to cheat than her. Unless you have some credible evidence that she is cheating, just stop it. This is about your own insecurity and has nothing to do with her fidelity.

As far as housing and transport of household goods. Make a list of questions and concerns. Get a hold of the Chaplain's office at her current duty station. Ask them for the appropriate office and contact information for each concern. The reality of a military spouse's responsibility when it comes to a permanent change of station (PCS) move is "pay, pack, and follow."