Posted on Apr 11, 2014

Marriage and the Military Career

CPT Zachary Brooks

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To start, I am getting married this fall.

What I would like to ask is how other service members have dealt with marriage and their career in the service. My wife to be is a Nurse and works for a respected local hospital, she is also the primary bread winner for the family at this point in time. My benefits and great loan rates are of course a benefit to our household and help us tremendously (and more once she is my dependent).

However, this also brings up the uglier issues of marriage. My unit recently received a notification of sourcing for next summer, and while not a guarantee of deployment this has made the wife to be upset as I would be leaving six months into our new marriage. Thankfully the mission is mostly in a support role and based in Kuwait, so danger is much less on our minds.

Please share your own marriage stories and how you have dealt with them. All advice is appreciated. Thanks!

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Posted >1 y ago

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Responses: 21

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1SG Steven Stankovich

Posted >1 y ago

Effective communication was paramount for us. Trying to not only talk as much as possible, but to make those conversations worthwhile. Then during the "reunion phase," it was important to not try to re-insert myself right back into the picture. The family dynamics change while deployed. It was important to see that, understand that, and fit back into the picture over time. It all fell back on communication though.

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CMDCM Gene Treants

Edited >1 y ago

Posted >1 y ago

1LT Brooks, congratulations.

My wife and I were married in 1976 when I had been in the Navy for 10 years. After our marriage we were transferred to Hawaii for our honeymoon as I went to Sea Duty for a three year tour on a Destroyer Squadron Staff. Lucky, there was only one 9 month deployment during this tour and a few shorter ones. My wife loved the travel and our tour in Hawaii, then the transfer to Great Lakes IL.

As a Dental Assistant it was never difficult for her to find work. and she enjoyed the different places we were stationed. (Many more)Deployments came and went, but communication and preparation for being gone were always a key to success.

Yes, as a few others have said, we have had our ups and downs, but working through it and knowing what we wanted were essential to our marriage. We have been married for 37 years and still going strong. So, do not be afraid of deployments, but work on tiday and plan for the future together.

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SFC Craig Dalen

Posted >1 y ago

Sir I have been married for 16 years. I have been on 6 deployments. My wife has been there for me the entire time in the military. We had a rough patch around 2002-2004 because of the rapid deployments back and forth. As long as you communicate and be the best husband you can when home it will counter balance the time apart. Just make sure she understands everything up front about the lifestyle. Congratulations and best wishes .

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