Posted on Jun 5, 2015
When No means No: A Discussion on the notorious "Welcome Home" party.
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We've all been there for one reason or another. You're back from deployment and the family has thrown you a surprise welcome home party that you made clear you didn't want. Whether you just don't feel like it, don't feel like you deserve it, or just aren't ready for that much social interaction, if you make your feelings known, family and friends should honor your wishes. Unfortunately, they always assume we are just being humble and throw some unwanted elaborate shindig you just don't want any part of...and all of a sudden, you're the bad guy, the unadjusted soldier or possible you've been labeled by others as having the dreaded PYSD sign taped to your back.
In any case, whether you identify with this or not, your wishes should be honored without question. Am I right, or am I right!? Let's hear it....
In any case, whether you identify with this or not, your wishes should be honored without question. Am I right, or am I right!? Let's hear it....
PTSD
Welcome Home
Family
Deployment
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 14
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I thought the same way, but then I realized that the party wasn't really for me, it was more for them. I may not want to be there but this was my families way of dealing with me being gone.
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My wife always knew that I needed a few days to decompress before we did anything more than going out to dinner.
A few times coming home she made us stop at her parent's house and her whole family was there. They weren't surprise parties per say but I was more than a bit uncomfortable. Luckily my wife picked up on that and cut our visit short. They all thought I was being an asshole except for her Dad (Marine Corps veteran).
A few times coming home she made us stop at her parent's house and her whole family was there. They weren't surprise parties per say but I was more than a bit uncomfortable. Luckily my wife picked up on that and cut our visit short. They all thought I was being an asshole except for her Dad (Marine Corps veteran).
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No should mean no in this circumstance. Fortunately, my wife and family are very in tune to the reasons I don't want something like this, and my family always respects my wishes following a deployment. A typical coming home for me is usually limited to a dinner with very few close family members -- at most. Even at that, it's not immediately after I get home.
I think it's important to share a little of yourself in advance to hopefully secure their understanding in this type of situation. You don't have to disclose everything, but perhaps something as simple as telling them that it's been a super hectic deployment and you just want to spend some quality time at home first. Then, you can just keep kicking the can down the road until your return is no longer a new thing and the welcome home party sort of loses its appeal.
I think it's important to share a little of yourself in advance to hopefully secure their understanding in this type of situation. You don't have to disclose everything, but perhaps something as simple as telling them that it's been a super hectic deployment and you just want to spend some quality time at home first. Then, you can just keep kicking the can down the road until your return is no longer a new thing and the welcome home party sort of loses its appeal.
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CSM (Join to see)
Can't agree more. I'm lucky enough to have a wife who knows me, understands me, listens to me, and serves in uniform as well.
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CDR (Join to see)
CSM (Join to see), We are both very fortunate. My wife isn't in the military, but she gets it, as do both of our families. If I didn't have that understanding and support, I might have lost it.
Dealing with one of these "surprise" parties against my wishes would have been annoying after some of the more tame deployments, and downright damaging after others.
Dealing with one of these "surprise" parties against my wishes would have been annoying after some of the more tame deployments, and downright damaging after others.
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