Does anyone have a funny (or really bad) military recruiter story to share?

I took the ASVAB in high school to get out of a boring English class, figuring I could finish quickly and go to sleep. Somehow, I ended up with a high score, which is somewhat unusual in my rural area, so a few recruiters showed up the following week. I didn't like the Marine, so that was out of the question. Too many people I didn't like had joined the Army recently, so that one was out.
Air Force showed up locked on, and ready to tell me all the ways I would end up being a pilot or have a better lifestyle than the other services. Navy showed up looking like a regular dude and brought me a cheeseburger. Sold. I sold a 6-year enlistment for the price of a relaxed conversation and a cheeseburger.

My army recruiters were jackasses. I scored perfect on the ASVAB and the E-6 said they only have Tank Mechanic and Infantry available to which I said bullshit. Then the E-7 said what do I want. They reluctantly listed for 30 jobs I was qualified for on a printout. I said I will go home this weekend and choose a job. Now the E-8 who earlier regaled me for joining was calling me names. I told them what I was going to do. Now comes the CPT to make a bilateral agreement that I would pick an MOS and return Monday. I lived up to my agreement and became a 67U or a Chinook mechanic.

I had a degree and was hand picked to go to unique aviation unit. It was funny because those at AIT who wanted to go to this unit had to fill out a lots of paperwork, write an essay, and get letters of endorsements. I was in the room with their recruiters and I said I did not want to go because I wanted to go to OCS. They told me to STFU so I STFU. It was a good duty station.

I recruited from South Dayton Recruiting Station in the Dayton Recruiting Co. My Station Commander (Stn Cdr) was – well, he was a unique guy. He was a very good recruiter and was able to read people quickly. My favorite story about him was regarding one of my first recruits. This young man had a weight issue and had gone up and down, but desperately wanted to join the Army. My Stn Cdr asked me to have the DEPer and his mother come in to the office for a meeting. I set this up and they came in at the appointed time. He talked about the importance of reaching and maintaining the standards set by the Army for their many areas of concern. Here was the conversation that ensued:
Stn Cdr: “Young man, are you going to do what I tell you to do?
DEPer: Yes, Sgt.
Stn Cdr: Are you sure?
DEPer: Yes, Sgt.
Stn Cdr: Mom, are you going to ensure he does what I tell him, so that he has a chance to enter the Army?
DEPer’s Mom: Yes, sir.
Stn Cdr: Mom, are you sure?
DEPer’s Mom: Yes, sir.”
At this point he leans forward closely to the DEPer, as if he was going to impart some deep secret in a whisper. Suddenly and very loudly he says:
Stn Cdr: “PUT THE FORK DOWN AND PUSH YOUR FAT ASS AWAY FROM THE TABLE!!”
Mom was shocked…DEPer was crying. Four months later he shipped off to basic.