Posted on Nov 20, 2014
PTSD or just the simple fact of knowing you'll never be that bad @$$ again?
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Most of you that have been around have seen me dump on the Hurtlocker everytime a post comes up that pertains to "The Worst..." or "The most inaccurate.." when it comes to military movies.
One thing that movie did nail on the head in my opinion is the part where it shows him coming home. Where he seems to be wandering aimlessly and nothing makes sense.
Something I've struggled with upon my return from both of my deployments are those feelings of aimlessness and nothing making sense, as well as feelings of boredom, anxiety, and frustration.. all of which are followed by bouts with depression and a longing to return to the respective third world dump that I was deployed to. They cause a lot of stress and conflict in my life.
I know I'm not alone in these feelings. My question is, how do those of you that feel these things handle them? What do you do when you find yourself longing to return or thinking about how it was there? Are you able to successfully communicate your feelings to the ones that you care about?
One thing that movie did nail on the head in my opinion is the part where it shows him coming home. Where he seems to be wandering aimlessly and nothing makes sense.
Something I've struggled with upon my return from both of my deployments are those feelings of aimlessness and nothing making sense, as well as feelings of boredom, anxiety, and frustration.. all of which are followed by bouts with depression and a longing to return to the respective third world dump that I was deployed to. They cause a lot of stress and conflict in my life.
I know I'm not alone in these feelings. My question is, how do those of you that feel these things handle them? What do you do when you find yourself longing to return or thinking about how it was there? Are you able to successfully communicate your feelings to the ones that you care about?
Posted 10 y ago
Responses: 6
I had a similar situation when I got back. Especially because of the time change, I found myself just wandering around the house at night looking for something to do. Downrange you always have something to do, once you get back there's that strange experience of "free time". My boss saw this when I talked to him the day after I got back, and even though I could have used the permissive leave upon returning, he suggested I come into work every morning just to reestablish/maintain a schedule. I found that having tasks and quickly getting back to a "normal" schedule was the best solution.
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I THINK IT IS THE SENSE OF NOT BEING ABLE TO BE A "BAD ASS" BECAUSE THE ENVIRONMENT HAS CHANGED... ONCE A PERSON HAS "ADAPTED" TO AN ENVIRONMENT- PARTICULARLY AN "EXTREME" ENVIRONMENT...OR JUST A ROUGH ADJUSTMENT...CHANGING AGAIN IS SCARY...
ALSO THE "BAD ASS" PART...IS KNOWING THAT ONE POSSESSES SUCH SKILLS AND THERE IS NOT AN OUTLET FOR THEM... OR YOU KNOW THE "PATH" OF OUTLET AND IT ISN'T "ACCEPTABLE" IN "MIXED" COMPANY MILITARY/CIVILIAN.
PRAYERS BLESSINGS AND GRACE~
ALSO THE "BAD ASS" PART...IS KNOWING THAT ONE POSSESSES SUCH SKILLS AND THERE IS NOT AN OUTLET FOR THEM... OR YOU KNOW THE "PATH" OF OUTLET AND IT ISN'T "ACCEPTABLE" IN "MIXED" COMPANY MILITARY/CIVILIAN.
PRAYERS BLESSINGS AND GRACE~
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First a fun fact! According to my therapist, we're not calling it PTSD anymore, just PTS (taking "Disorder" out of the diagnosis reduces the stigma). Second, I know exactly what you mean. I've been diagnosed with "Acute" and "Chronic" PTS, however I feel - very often - that I miss being deployed because my life was so much simpler. My wife thinks I'm moping sometimes, but how the hell do I tell her that I just miss the simplicity of that deployed life? For me I think the real difference between missing the deployment and having PTS is anger. Just my take on it.
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