Posted on Mar 16, 2017
Why do some vets, and humans in general, commit suicide all alone?
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It seems doing it shows how distant upset alone you feel with bags of lies confusion illness on your head. You're dream of greatness was assigned path to destruction. I don't want to feel alone. My personal dreams were left for dead on that ship. Life is hard when 18 yo military bootcamp honor integrity selfless service for peanuts are soon trumped by college resume-credit score-investments.
Suicide
Military Family
Edited >1 y ago
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 10
6
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PO3 Aaron Hassay You need to really examine yourself and honestly figure out why you're here and find a purpose to stay here. Personally, I have my family. It's my job to maintain the affairs of my family and to keep them healthy.
The second thing you need is to stop judging yourself by the standards of the society at large; you're not a civilian who started working at a job at 17, stayed with the same company for 20 years, and worked in to an executive position, and that's okay. You're a badass who knows how to slip a line, you're qualified as a firefighter at sea, you struck (and gained) a rating, and as a Third Class Petty Officer, you were responsible, whether you had people specifically assigned to you or not, for being a leader to every E3 and below on your ship. You can't lower yourself to the scale that civilians use, because civilians don't have a measurement for someone who has done as much as you have.
Third, you need to find someone you trust and spend as much time with them as possible. This might mean twice weekly appointments with a social worker, or it might mean going to the park five days a week to hang out with the old lady throwing bread at the ducks in the pond; whatever works for you, just find someone you trust and be someone they can trust.
It's going to take you a long time. There will be times when you think you can't hold out. There will be times when you sit and seriously think about whether or not your being there will actually affect the people around you. These times are when you're being the most affected by the demons that are torturing you, and if you're weak that's okay. If you're strong, that's okay. If all you can manage to do is lie in bed for two or three days, well...all I can say is make sure at least that you keep drinking water, but if that's what you need to do to heal, then do it.
Just don't entertain the idea that you or anybody else is better off without you. As tempting as it might be, it's simply not the truth. Everybody who knows you personally, really knows you, knows how much you're worth, even if you don't see it at the moment. Maybe you have to reach out to them. I joke about how my wife is my "Service Human", but really it's more true than joke. She stabilizes me, she protects me, she even goes out of her way to block physical contact or to field conversations for me in public. This goes back to finding someone you can trust; find yourself a Service Human who can help you understand, even at your darkest, how much you're actually worth.
The second thing you need is to stop judging yourself by the standards of the society at large; you're not a civilian who started working at a job at 17, stayed with the same company for 20 years, and worked in to an executive position, and that's okay. You're a badass who knows how to slip a line, you're qualified as a firefighter at sea, you struck (and gained) a rating, and as a Third Class Petty Officer, you were responsible, whether you had people specifically assigned to you or not, for being a leader to every E3 and below on your ship. You can't lower yourself to the scale that civilians use, because civilians don't have a measurement for someone who has done as much as you have.
Third, you need to find someone you trust and spend as much time with them as possible. This might mean twice weekly appointments with a social worker, or it might mean going to the park five days a week to hang out with the old lady throwing bread at the ducks in the pond; whatever works for you, just find someone you trust and be someone they can trust.
It's going to take you a long time. There will be times when you think you can't hold out. There will be times when you sit and seriously think about whether or not your being there will actually affect the people around you. These times are when you're being the most affected by the demons that are torturing you, and if you're weak that's okay. If you're strong, that's okay. If all you can manage to do is lie in bed for two or three days, well...all I can say is make sure at least that you keep drinking water, but if that's what you need to do to heal, then do it.
Just don't entertain the idea that you or anybody else is better off without you. As tempting as it might be, it's simply not the truth. Everybody who knows you personally, really knows you, knows how much you're worth, even if you don't see it at the moment. Maybe you have to reach out to them. I joke about how my wife is my "Service Human", but really it's more true than joke. She stabilizes me, she protects me, she even goes out of her way to block physical contact or to field conversations for me in public. This goes back to finding someone you can trust; find yourself a Service Human who can help you understand, even at your darkest, how much you're actually worth.
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PO3 Christopher Jonah Nelson
Also, the VA tries to rate you at the lowest possible percentage. It took me months to get them to admit that my experiences in the Navy contributed, and then I had to appeal twice before they gave me a proper rating.
Do not give up.
Do not give up.
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PO3 Aaron Hassay
PO3 thanks for reaching out. For sure you understand similarities. There are differences.
I want to strip this mental health stigma taboo subject matter. Venting darkness brings light even if it sad light. This world bootcamp teaches us take it young sailor question nothing follow all orders if they were your first and last well. I did, we did just that.
I staid close to the vest, command, department personally unaware term Toxic Leadership Hostile Work Environments Shipmates on Shipmate threats abuse mental physical turned young men into rough tumble salty sailors. It got so bad to the point the new BMCM learned me a new word FAN ROOM COUNSELING as an indoctrination to his way of running HIS SHIP. I got some kind of anxiety disorder. More then a few simple operational situations panicked my internal fear of death. But seeming weak brought more grief. So you hid it. The fear marked your mind. My new mental health destroyed my first relationship fiance started 19 ending 22 still enlisted. My dream of the of me being her and she being my "Service Human" turned sadness.
On the FFG's there was a e7 Corpsman not educated in mental health.
My days of 3 days in bed were soon after my honorable discharge empty may 2002.
9-11 had happened and the last 9 months was just endless uncertainty until discharged without a discharge physical. I believe they were a bit sidetracked with 9-11. I was unaware I should of received a discharge physical. I myself was in a hyper state of awareness unsure the state of affairs 9-11 triggered.
I feel bad I was never deployed after 9-11. I felt so empty in so many ways. My fiance was gone. I was soon living in cars. I was soon being targeted by predators.
The bad leadership on the ship I think left me vulnerable to bad personalities that were themselves not healthy in civilian life waiting to take advantange a young listless newly discharged veteran who was depressed may 2002.
Now I must make good on these details I just shared.
There are many I did not.
But these are quick points.
Again I appreciate your writing.
I do not have an ego or resume or personal image to protect anylonger.
I am proud of what I survived honorably.
I am hoping that is worth something in this world that celebrates Veterans Day so well.
The VA the disability side made me feel like such a fool like I had to validate myself to them injured and not feeling well. Sh-t when I went to them finally taking about the ship, I was already on SSDI for anxiety disorder chronic jobless homeless. Get this. The same year I put in a claim in oakland VA 2014 news broadcast Oakland VA had not processed nearly 10K claims for benefits entitlements. With an anxiety disorder I let them know my certain feeling of threat at such news. They took it personal with their big VA ego blazing and soon I got 2 denails. It went to Washington DC Service Connected. Then some how they send it out to another Office I think Oakland. Guess what a 0%!! I mean dark sad listless emotions they try to make me feel. I get a good glimpse of humanity at this moment in time.
I have a problem working because I end up getting in fights and anger just like the ship. But 10+ years went by chronic jobless result homeless not knowing I was affected by those experiences on duty.
I suppose I have spent over 99% of a young mans life starting 18 cold single days alone confused in some fashion after my fiance left me as a result due stress on of my duty assignment that affected all other relationships in a downward spiral ever since now 40 finally understaning the connection.
I never got a family going and so I have no one to rely on now.
It is just me and well....
people like you
and
a dream of a new beginning or the end of a tragic story of serving and your own world and society looking at you funny as you did someting wrong
Maybe it is a bit of all of that.
I can never escape idiots of the world skeptics of reality
That is why I talk of the end.
Who knows what is going on.
I have to believe that some people are out to get me.
It is weird.
You can not be injured in this world.
It is like the desert or forest the weak animal is just attacked again and again.
I want to strip this mental health stigma taboo subject matter. Venting darkness brings light even if it sad light. This world bootcamp teaches us take it young sailor question nothing follow all orders if they were your first and last well. I did, we did just that.
I staid close to the vest, command, department personally unaware term Toxic Leadership Hostile Work Environments Shipmates on Shipmate threats abuse mental physical turned young men into rough tumble salty sailors. It got so bad to the point the new BMCM learned me a new word FAN ROOM COUNSELING as an indoctrination to his way of running HIS SHIP. I got some kind of anxiety disorder. More then a few simple operational situations panicked my internal fear of death. But seeming weak brought more grief. So you hid it. The fear marked your mind. My new mental health destroyed my first relationship fiance started 19 ending 22 still enlisted. My dream of the of me being her and she being my "Service Human" turned sadness.
On the FFG's there was a e7 Corpsman not educated in mental health.
My days of 3 days in bed were soon after my honorable discharge empty may 2002.
9-11 had happened and the last 9 months was just endless uncertainty until discharged without a discharge physical. I believe they were a bit sidetracked with 9-11. I was unaware I should of received a discharge physical. I myself was in a hyper state of awareness unsure the state of affairs 9-11 triggered.
I feel bad I was never deployed after 9-11. I felt so empty in so many ways. My fiance was gone. I was soon living in cars. I was soon being targeted by predators.
The bad leadership on the ship I think left me vulnerable to bad personalities that were themselves not healthy in civilian life waiting to take advantange a young listless newly discharged veteran who was depressed may 2002.
Now I must make good on these details I just shared.
There are many I did not.
But these are quick points.
Again I appreciate your writing.
I do not have an ego or resume or personal image to protect anylonger.
I am proud of what I survived honorably.
I am hoping that is worth something in this world that celebrates Veterans Day so well.
The VA the disability side made me feel like such a fool like I had to validate myself to them injured and not feeling well. Sh-t when I went to them finally taking about the ship, I was already on SSDI for anxiety disorder chronic jobless homeless. Get this. The same year I put in a claim in oakland VA 2014 news broadcast Oakland VA had not processed nearly 10K claims for benefits entitlements. With an anxiety disorder I let them know my certain feeling of threat at such news. They took it personal with their big VA ego blazing and soon I got 2 denails. It went to Washington DC Service Connected. Then some how they send it out to another Office I think Oakland. Guess what a 0%!! I mean dark sad listless emotions they try to make me feel. I get a good glimpse of humanity at this moment in time.
I have a problem working because I end up getting in fights and anger just like the ship. But 10+ years went by chronic jobless result homeless not knowing I was affected by those experiences on duty.
I suppose I have spent over 99% of a young mans life starting 18 cold single days alone confused in some fashion after my fiance left me as a result due stress on of my duty assignment that affected all other relationships in a downward spiral ever since now 40 finally understaning the connection.
I never got a family going and so I have no one to rely on now.
It is just me and well....
people like you
and
a dream of a new beginning or the end of a tragic story of serving and your own world and society looking at you funny as you did someting wrong
Maybe it is a bit of all of that.
I can never escape idiots of the world skeptics of reality
That is why I talk of the end.
Who knows what is going on.
I have to believe that some people are out to get me.
It is weird.
You can not be injured in this world.
It is like the desert or forest the weak animal is just attacked again and again.
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2
0
PO3 Aaron Hassay As Sgt (Join to see) stated, you need to make a call. Take a deep breath. The sun will always come up tomorrow if you let it. Suicide is never the answer. It is quick for the victim, and forever for everyone else who knew the victim. Make that call, and ask for help. This is not best place for help. The various veterans hotlines are.
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COL Charles Williams
PO3 Aaron Hassay - don't quit, keep trying, taking, and don't give up. Talking helps. Have you considered contacting your state VSOs or your state Sentators and Representativess?
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PO3 John Wagner
PO3 Aaron Hassay - They don't expect perfection. They expect human beings who are all imperfect. Everyone who says make a call is right. If that seems like something not to do then just take a walk. Not a drive just a walk. Do something you don't usually do. Go into a restaurant you don't usually or have never gone into. Walk into an unusual shop. Do something random that you haven't done. Just something different. Walk into a shop that sells oddball stuff or even a store which you wouldn't. Anything completely different where you don't necessarily need to interact with anyone. If someone strikes up a conversation just go with it. It is the easies way I know to get out of yourself for awhile.
Yourself will come back, but for awhile you are,doing so,thing new. It works.
Yourself will come back, but for awhile you are,doing so,thing new. It works.
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PO3 Aaron Hassay
As I prepare for another winter day of isolation cold disingenuous reality of tragedy befalling dreams cascading VA denying Military Brass Trumpeting Wounded Warrior Sailors calling.
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PO3 Aaron Hassay
This disability injury stress process worried saddenned my poor loving mom to death. A trajedy un remarked the families that suffer the consequence their young men taken battered ill sent home with the VA waiting 6 months to respond. In my era the 1990's early 2000s not to long ago the VA had not even broadcast this weird disorder stress caused anxiety PTSD type disorders. But now that you suffer the consequence of such disorder uncared for by the VA for some 20 years, the VA makes you put that application in, and wait, damage already done to its fullest extent. This is not a story of a sailor or soldier properly applied his service member benefits entitlements in a timely manner there for staving off suffering the dire consequence of a life lived and family suffered the consequence downward spiral of no care rendered.
Now this is not the first time this family my mom had to deal with this.
My dad has been discovered a true 1966-68 Vietnam Combat Vet.
I was homeless by 8 without VA support offered to my dad or me or my mom.
My dad was suffering the consequences of vietnam service 66-68.
But the VA America Can not at all say sorry or anything.
Literally it is all just a kick in the face.
Then I just watched a Marine Recruiting Commercial sending Humanitarian Aid all around the globe...
I Love my marine friends..
but the unique hypocrisy of the resources to send that aid with our military when our wounded sailors soldiers of all eras need to wait 6 months for a reply hoping for 1 penny of support..
Hell I must be a real asshole to notice this..
And maybe someone can chime in..and say i am not adding things up correct.
Maybe military families do not suffer the consequence of military strress injury with the VA waiting for 6 months to reply...
Maybe my experience as a vietnam combat child is unreal
Mabye all the vietncam combat vets were really treated well on return...
look what am i looking at>>>>
I have more respect for the world then this...
but if you see that i am the bad guy then let me know...
be a man and let me know....
Now this is not the first time this family my mom had to deal with this.
My dad has been discovered a true 1966-68 Vietnam Combat Vet.
I was homeless by 8 without VA support offered to my dad or me or my mom.
My dad was suffering the consequences of vietnam service 66-68.
But the VA America Can not at all say sorry or anything.
Literally it is all just a kick in the face.
Then I just watched a Marine Recruiting Commercial sending Humanitarian Aid all around the globe...
I Love my marine friends..
but the unique hypocrisy of the resources to send that aid with our military when our wounded sailors soldiers of all eras need to wait 6 months for a reply hoping for 1 penny of support..
Hell I must be a real asshole to notice this..
And maybe someone can chime in..and say i am not adding things up correct.
Maybe military families do not suffer the consequence of military strress injury with the VA waiting for 6 months to reply...
Maybe my experience as a vietnam combat child is unreal
Mabye all the vietncam combat vets were really treated well on return...
look what am i looking at>>>>
I have more respect for the world then this...
but if you see that i am the bad guy then let me know...
be a man and let me know....
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Veterans Crisis Line | Suicide Prevention Hotline, Chat, & Text
Free, confidential support for Veterans in crisis and their families and friends. Call the Veterans Crisis Line at 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1, text to 838255, or chat online 24/7/365.
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