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I was at Ft. Myer, Va running Safety Radar, you know, when you have that big bulletin showing your current speed with the sign saying buckle up, I was about two buildings down from post HQ and about a block from the Officers Club. Three Lieutenants started running towards me, I say to my self, What is going on here, when they get up to me they ask in unison, hey why did we not register, I had to inform the good officers after my salute, "Because you did not have enough Brass!". LOL
Humor
Military police
Officers
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 5
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I was not an MP but I was a Trooper for 20 years. Here's a few of the things that I've heard and said over that time:
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They're stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I really don't think that it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor."
"Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
" The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"Oh, they did away with the quotas, we can now write as many tickets we want."
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat junk food, cotton candy and step in horse shit."
"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They're stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I really don't think that it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor."
"Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
" The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"Oh, they did away with the quotas, we can now write as many tickets we want."
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat junk food, cotton candy and step in horse shit."
"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
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Suspended Profile
While I was up in Quantico working night shift as a mp, NCIS asked me to run a kid out to his car that was picked up earlier that day for drug possession. Well on the way back to the NCIS office this kid, stoned out of his mind, asked me what time it was so I told him 10:38 and he asked me if that was morning or night.
Sgt David G Duchesneau
You got to love it! He sounds like the kind of kid that we use to tell," take your hands off of the car and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
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Sgt David G Duchesneau
One of the craziest things I did was when I was a "nicky-new-guy." I had just recently been issued my first cruiser, a 1969 Chevy with a 327 , 3 speed on the column and one big blue light on the roof. I loved this cruiser! I was working a rural area at night and I stopped this guy who was all over the road. He was hammered! I asked him how much he had to drink and I got the usual answer "I just had a couple of beers." I asked him if he had them out of a five gallon milk can? Anyway, I radioed into the local police station and asked if their breathalyzer was up and running and they said it was. I told them that I'll be coming in with one to take a breath test. I had this guy all handcuffed and strapped into my cruiser. All of a sudden, he told me that he was going to be sick. I told him, "not in my cruiser you're not." So I stopped my cruiser and rearranged him. So I pull up to the local Police Department and being a warm night, a few local police officers were outside. I parked in front of the PD and I was immediately asked what happened to the person that I arrested. I walked to the rear of my cruiser, unlocked the trunk, and there was my arrestee, in living color. I told him that he wasn't going to get sick in my cruiser. Thant was the start of a great reputation! The Trooper who locked his drunk up in the trunk of his cruiser!
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SGT William Howell
I have used a couple of those over the years. They're new give em' time they will stretch is my favorite.
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Some good ones in there. I had a friend in Texas who was a police officer and he always shaved his head. He pulled this lady over once and she told him if he gave her warning shed give him a free cut for the rest of the year. That's when he took off his cover and still wrote her a ticket.
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