Posted on Oct 21, 2015
How do you feel about a civilian paying for your meal?
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I took my wife out to a nice restaurant after a day out in the filed. I was still in uniform unintentionally. A very generous man came up to my table when my wife was awy from the table and offered to cover our bill. I was stunned for a second and don't not know how to react, but I politely declined and thanked him for the generous offer.
I left feeling as if I should of let him pay for our meal, as that was a sign of an honorable thing to do for a solider. Long story short, I have mixed feelings about this. What do you all suggest.
I left feeling as if I should of let him pay for our meal, as that was a sign of an honorable thing to do for a solider. Long story short, I have mixed feelings about this. What do you all suggest.
Civilian Supporter
Military Family
Family
Posted 9 y ago
Responses: 140
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I would suggest you always let them pay. It is their way to honor your service right there on the spot. Often times they are veterans themselves or loved ones of a veteran or just great Americans. I think it is important to let someone honor your service. There are many of our fellow citizens who do not appreciate what it means to serve in our armed forces.
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Derek Lutes
While I agree with you sir. I must point out, that, while yes its the right thing to do, (letting someone pay for you) because that's how they feel they can honor vets or pay tribute. They also need to understand how it affects some service members. Whether it be making them feel inadequate, putting them on the spot, or just down right making them uncomfortable. While, like I said, you should let them pay, if even to bring joy to their day for helping. The public also needs to understand the "stigma" some vets feel comes attached with the gesture, and not to get offended when their generous offer is politely turned down.
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SPC Glenn Lovell
It's awkward not just because of the generousity, but because you're out with your SO and they don't know WHY you are out. So they could be intruding on a divorce/marital problem just as much as anniversary dinner or simply a quick night out. We all have our own reasons for serving and it's rarely because we felt the need for complete patriotism or selfless service.
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SGT DelRay Davis
although we cant control what people do, I get a little annoyed when people approach and offer to pay. I completely understand the desire to honor a service member, but just go to the waitress and pay it if that is what you want to do. Shouldn't be seeking acknowledgement for the act. Thats when it gets weird.
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PO2 Jeffery Reiser
I too have "payed it forward" for service members in uniform... Being a veteran myself, it was my way of showing my appreciation for the sacrifices made by a new generation of service men and women in a time of turmoil, unrest and hostility towards our service members. As a member working in public safety I am always gracious when people choose to show their gratitude towards members of law enforcement, fire and EMS by paying for drinks or meals. Of course there is the ethical side of the argument however, It is not often that people show gratitude, mostly they show their hind end parts but there are still good people out there in society. So my suggestion is to simply smile and say thank you while exercising a smudge of humility.
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The class way to do it, is to walk up to a table and thank for service. Â
The generous person has met the waitress and meal has already been paid for, or, it is then paid for, after thanking for service, but no mention of it having been paid for to the SM. Â
Or, to simply do it and walk away, leaving the SM a surprise.
Mentioning it, makes it awkward.
But it is such a kind thing to do. Â Especially for a young enlisted troop, where it really makes a difference.
The generous person has met the waitress and meal has already been paid for, or, it is then paid for, after thanking for service, but no mention of it having been paid for to the SM. Â
Or, to simply do it and walk away, leaving the SM a surprise.
Mentioning it, makes it awkward.
But it is such a kind thing to do. Â Especially for a young enlisted troop, where it really makes a difference.
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PO2 John Crutchfield
I've done this several times in the past few years. I always pay the waitress directly. I don't want the service member to know it was me and possibly create an awkward situation. I do this for the police too.
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Col Phil Yasuhara
Agree with CMSgt Nolan. Keep in mind, some may be vets themselves who remember how they were treated (badly) during the Vietnam era.
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I had the same thing happen to me and it is a very powerful positive memory. When I paid it forward it was like a band aid for one of the holes I had in my soul. If it ever happens again I would accept it. In my case, the person paid but already left. There are some great people still in this world who appreciate what we do for them. The gesture was so beautiful that I felt compelled to pay it forward. We need more random acts of kindness in the world.
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Sgt (Join to see)
If this had happened to me, I would have felt awkward, but I hope that I would have accepted the meal. SFC Mark Merino, you are on target with us needing "more random acts of kindness in the world.'
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SGT Bryan O'Reilly
Well said, Mark! I also see this act as a way for those who are unable to serve as a way of saying thanks. And sometimes the ability to say thank you, is as important to that civilian as is to the soldier they are saying it to.
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SGT James Hastings
I totally agree. When someone offers to pay for your meal they have a reason. In this case, it appears to be an honest reason with nothing for them to gain from their kindness.
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